A
male
age
51-59,
*lastir
writes:I need some help. I can get any closure on my relationship that ended over 6 months ago. I feel very angry and frustrated, quite often to the point of tears.I still love my ex and ache for her everyday but her infidelities and avoidance of any attempt to discuss the situation brought our relationship to a end. I cant get her out of my heart or my head. This emotional roller coaster I am on at the moment is now effecting my interactions with others, my frustrations being barely kept in check. Any advice or help would be gratefully received.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Most people experience this at least once in thier life. Dont fall into the treat mean kept keen trap. She will be a slut no matter who she gets with. Stop being a weak man and accept you have got a better life now.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Why do you ache for someone who will hurt you more than it hurts being without? You will be better off in the long run without her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): She is what she is and there are names for women like that. Why allow yourself to get into a rut when she has done enough to you already? Do not be tempted into going to talk to her or asking her any questions.You should get out there and start looking at things how they really are. You have had an escape,she cheats,she disrespects and causes you hurt and embarrassment. There is probably loads you never even got to find out about. Karma will deal with it. Do yourself a favor and start smiling.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): her refusal to discuss it is because she just wanted to cheat and knew she had no excuse. shows just how much she valued you and the relationship.you have made the right move,it doesnt need any discussion,she cheats,end of story. she must have given you enough unhappiness whilst with her,dont let her do it when youre not. contact will only set you back. allowing yourself to get into a rut is not going to help. you need to speak to someone who will listen. let her curdle in her shit,she is no good for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): I know how you feel, and am going through a similar experience.
The grief at losing the person you love, the pain of having your hopes and dreams dashed ... plus the sense of anger and betrayal if your 'true love' was not "true" after all. (Although in my case she wasn't unfaithful, just insincere (I was just a rebound)). These are all very powerful emotions, which - unfortunately - cannot just be switched off.
The only advice I can give is to try to train yourself not to dwell on these feelings. Push them away if you feel them coming. Focus on other things. As other posters have said, find new things to occupy your mind.
Also, I wonder whether - like me - the fact that you can't let go is partly because you're blaming yourself for losing your ex, even though she wasn't very decent to you. If so, try to channel your thoughts of her towards the things that were wrong with HER (and the relationship itself), rather than you. Not just the feelings you have now, but the ones you must have felt when you were together. Writing these down in a list might help. Keep it with you and read it whenever you start to feel depressed and 'blue'.
I'm certain one day to be past this period of blackness and bleakness. I'm sure you will get there too!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): As at this moment i am also going through the same thing and its terrible but i focus on one thing and that is we wanted diffrent things and because of this it is helping me move forward
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): If you feel talking to her would make you feel better and won't be upsetting then I would try that at some point in time when you have healed a bir more and you are less emotional.
Try to find someone to talk to who can just listen to you. Maybe a counselor or family member or someone who has been through the same thing. Try writing your thoughts and feelings down in a journal.
Do lots of exercise this may help your symptoms. If you can take a trip somewhere and get away from it all for a while.
Please take care.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011): It is natural to miss someone we were so close to, but you know in your heart she was not for you. Sometimes we just have to decide to let go of the feelings, which of course is hard.
Think of it this way; you can keep thinking of her and getting annoyed, or fill your life with enjoyable things and think about those. It won't happen overnight, but each time you find you are thinking of her, switch your mind onto something else, or do something to take up your time. Eventually you will feel better and be available to meet someone new who will hopefully suit you better.
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