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male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Ok here goes..I'm a 34 yr old man who has been dating a 31 yr old woman for the past 8 mo. Our relationship is good and we are serious about the future. We have come to a huge roadblock in our relationship as far as moving in is concerned. We live about and hour and a half away and the traveling has started to get to both of us. We had some arguments about the isse b/c I want her to move up with me ( I own my own house) and she lives in a tiny studio apt. This as all come to a head and now I'm starting to feel a little bad about the situation. While fighting about the topic she has told me that she is confused, scared, not ready, ect..She has also said that we don't have time for "fun" on more than one occasion , when in fact I take as much time off as I can for two vacations in six months, nights out, time to meet her friends ect..she has also told me that she thinks I have bitten off more than i can chew by buying my house and working hard to pay my mortgage, fix up the house , ect..These are qualities that she was initially with me for, now I don't have time for fun? confused! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): thanks to all for responding~ she has said she doesn't want to move until we are engaged , ect..everytime we bring this up, she throws it in my face that we have only been dating for 7 mo...but yet on a good day she'll talk about how great it would be to have a baby! very confusing. i really don't think she wants to give up the old life , ur right..i have i said rather childishly before that maybe she doesn't love me enough to move up there and she says it has nothing to do with love..just that she is not ready...also, i'm worried about life here working and trying to keep my head above water and she talking about how she feels like she won;t be able to get back to the city when she wants!
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female
reader, HereAreMyTwoCents  +, writes (29 September 2009):
 She wants everything. She wants it up and down, left and right, black and white, summer and winter all at the same time. She needs to get her priorities straight. She admired what you worked for and had and the ethic that came with it. But she also wants to live a carefree lifestyle that does not shoulder the responsibilities and does not have to have the ethic that you are used to, and which is necessary to maintain that which you have accumulated and are working hard for. She needs to either move in with you in your house (because that is the only logical thing to do between two people where one owns a house and the other rents something small...) or she needs to move on to another less responsibility-laden man who is better geographically situated to her town and her friends. She needs to decide what she wants more, a) the life she knows 1.5 hrs away from you with all her socializing and friends and carefree fun, or b) you next to her in the same house but away from her old life. Typically, if a woman loves a man she will not hesitate to make a 1.5 hr move away, especially in this day and age, when families are typically so widely scattered geographically. Especially in her situation where she has no commitment to the unit she is living in. She needs to get her head straight about what she wants. This is where the ideas of sacrifice and compromise come in. I would say that if she would ask you to go backwards in your own life (and by her association with you, her own life) and sell your house to be with her in her studio just so she doesn't upset the life she is used to, then she is not the one for you. She doesn't love you enough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2009): It looks to me like she either wants you to sell your house and move to her town or simply that she might be falling out of love
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (29 September 2009):
I'm not entirely sure what's going through her head. But then I am a man. So, my advice would be to sit her down and have a serous talk. Women like to talk things through, so ask her why she's scared and confused and why she thinks she's not ready. You're more likely to get answers if you do that. It could be that she had a bad experience in the past that's made her wary of giving up her independence. Ask her why she feels this way and listen to the answers. Just listen.
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