A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my wife since I was 17 years old. She is 18 years older than me and we have been married for the past 7 years. The problem is that I have changed and I no longer want to be married. I've made alot of promises that I can no longer keep. I love my wife deeply but I cannot break her heart. My heart hurts..We have been through so much together.I feel I would not be who I am today if it was not for this woman.I have told her that I am no longer happy but I havent told her why. I cant... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Thanks for the reply's.
We do not have any children together.
I have left alot out of the initial question so hopefully this will add more insight to my problem. I havent really been happy for the past four years. My wife never wants to do anything that I want to do so I usually end up doing things all by myself. Also my wife is extremely jealous, I have never cheated on her or even given her a reason to be jealous but she does not trust me at all, she blames her previous marriages for that). I think its because of our age difference. There are several reasons why I must end this.
I am going to try to talk to her today
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Hi there,
I feel sad for you as I think in your heart you want to do the right thing by your wife, and you don't want to hurt her. Do you feel you have missed out on life a little getting married so young to someone considerably older than yourself? Are you finding marriage and the commitment that goes with it a bit too much?
Are there any children involved?
I think the only way forward is to be honest about your feelings and maybe separate for a while, maybe you just need time out to discover what you want exactly. Has something happened to make you feel you want more out of life?
No doubt she will be hurt by the fact you no longer want to be married, but I cannot see you keeping this to yourself for much longer, she will guess something is wrong sooner or later, be honest to yourself and your wife, sometimes things don't seem so bad when talked through and explained. You don't say what's made you feel so differently and I don't want to assume you've just grown up, so good luck, keep us posted!
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey +, writes (22 August 2007):
Hi there,
I feel sad for you as I think in your heart you want to do the right thing by your wife, and you don't want to hurt her. Do you feel you have missed out on life a little getting married so young to someone considerably older than yourself? Are you finding marriage and the commitment that goes with it a bit too much?
Are there any children involved?
I think the only way forward is to be honest about your feelings and maybe separate for a while, maybe you just need time out to discover what you want exactly. Has something happened to make you feel you want more out of life?
No doubt she will be hurt by the fact you no longer want to be married, but I cannot see you keeping this to yourself for much longer, she will guess something is wrong sooner or later, be honest to yourself and your wife, sometimes things don't seem so bad when talked through and explained. You don't say what's made you feel so differently and I don't want to assume you've just grown up, so good luck, keep us posted!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Your problem is by no means unique. I believe the answer lies in 'growing up' and not 'growing old'. I agree with the first answer given. You have to recognise your promises and commitments. I would suggest that you look first at your present lifestyle. Do you have male friends and do you have healthy interests outside of your marriage or do you expect your marriage to provide all the fulfillment that you require. I can tell you that it won't and was never designed to do that. Love is something to work on and not to do with how you feel on a particular day. Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007): Welcome to adulthood. The dimension were you have to keep your promises no matter what. You don't want to be married at all or just to her? It seems you got married with this woman for the wrong reasons. Maybe you needed a mother figure. It's only natural that now that you have gotten more mature you see things differently. I know you are grateful to this woman because maybe she gave you a lot of material things and support when you needed it, but gratefulness is not a reason to get or to stay married. Love is, and you are saying that you 'love her so much'. Maybe you want to experiment new things while you are in your twenties. Unless one of those new things is a new woman I think that there's always a possibility that you can work this situation through with her and stay married as you promised. But the most important thing is that she needs to know the way you feel. You got to tell her but be gentle. Good Luck!.
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