A
female
age
36-40,
*eareinfinite
writes:I need some help. I've been with my husband now for 10 years. I'm 27 and he is 43. Obviously there is an age gap but it has never been an issue up until now. The problem is sex. We never have it. Its very rare and he says its because of stress. I love him and I know he really loves me but he constantly rejects me. I'm in good shape and I take good care of myself. I don't know what to do. I'm constantly fantasizing about cheating. I DONT plan to do that. I'm just so frustrated and I try to talk to him about it but its pointless as he says it will come back again but this is 3 years of issues and sex once every 4/5 months! :( Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2016): Well, I'm nearly 69 and if I'm not getting it at least a couple of times a week, I'm really ticked-off. Your husband should be working on this problem as hard as you are. Somehow or other you need to make him realize that the current situation is seriously not acceptable. Give him all of your support as long as he is seriously working on it, but if he doesn't, then you may want to consider other alternatives...
A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (20 February 2016):
 I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Unfortunately it is fairly common in long-term marriages. Let's face it, you've sort of been there, done that and gotten the t-shirt. It is also easy to take one another -- and their needs for granted.
Your husband is also into middle age. At this point, his career has also probably gotten very important and the demands upon a man with a lot of responsibilities can add up. Also, his sex-drive is slowly dwindling as he ages too.
There are a few things you can do to help spice things up:
1) Make a date night. Write it down, hire a baby-sitter, it can't be changed, but you are going out to dinner, movie, whatever makes you tick. Get out there and do it.
2) Go to a romantic hotel or casino for a night. There are usually some bed and breakfasts in your area that are an hour or so out of town. Make a mini-vacation out of it.
3) Seduce your husband. Surprise him one night -- light a candle, wear something that attracts him, offer a massage...
4) If stress and business is the problem, then look for ways to cut down the amount of stress one has in their life. Start saying no to some obligations and don't feel like you have to do everything. Most of life is optional -- make smart decisions about your priorities and(!) your time.
It is going to take a bit of work and risk to up your sex life. I'd also talk to him about it. Express that you miss what you had and that you feel left out. You may also want to tell him that you feel like you don't turn him on anymore.
It is going to take a bit of risk and a little bit of action on your behalf to change things. It can be difficult to turn around a smoldering love life but try some of the suggestions above and see if they work for you.
Eddie
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2016): Let your husband not deceive himself by thinking this is caused by stress. because it is not stress, it is a sign of reaching male menopause.Unfortunately male menopause is more destructive than female menopause because it causes erectile dysfunction (ED)which means failure to achieve proper erection of the penis and hence inability to have sexual intercourse.Stress on him to see a doctor ASAP otherwise time will pass and his ED will become chronic and difficult to treat.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (19 February 2016):
 Sometime after 40, virtually all men see their major hormones cliff dive, of which testosterone is the most important because it drives energy, removes stress and induces desire for sex.
So sure, stress could be the symptom but it's cause is elsewhere.
There are few things your guy can do. First thing is to stop blaming stress for lack of sex and instead do something about it.
Second, he can get his body to start producing testosterone by hitting the gym and lifting heavy weights for the entire muscle group, then go brake a major sweat on a cardio machine, 4 times weekly. This regimen will strengthen his muscles by pumping more blood and oxygen in them, and that includes penis. Every study shows that heavy weight lifting cause men's body to produce testosterone and that jacks us desire. Exercise also releases endorphins and reduces stress making him more willing. If he drinks alcohol, be sure he stops because alcohol kills sex drive instantly.
Third, at his next physical, ask the doctor to run hormone blood work along with all other vitals. He is of age when imbalances of various things occur in his body and could also include cholesterol and other minerals.
Fourth option is to get on some supplements which promote muscle growth and oxygen flow, things like citrulline, creatine and stinging nettle root, and to cycle them along during his workout.
Finally, you two have got to have lone romance time, at least once a week, and look for ways to change your sex routine. Part of this change also requires a change in his mental perspective so that he understand that rejecting sex is not a good thing for you two.
As for your cheating fantasies, be sure you keep them fantasies only and work on your man so that he can finally decide to do something about himself.
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