A
female
age
30-35,
*arlamarpal
writes:I am 19 years old, but i feel that i've wasted my entirely life doing nothing. I'm often compared with my sister, who is 15 and already has a boyfriend, knows to play the piano, goes to hawaiian dance lessons, is going to enter the school she wants and is a really nice person...i'm quite the opposite since i don't play any instrument, i stayed in the same school my parents choose, i haven't had any boyfriend ever, i can't dance and i'm really fat and boring.Most of the time i try to feel happy for her and for the ones i know that have developed any special talent, but deep inside i have all this...rage, all this jealousy stored inside that makes me cry; i feel really caged and i don't know what to do. I'm writting this here since i can't tell anyone or they will say i'm always complaining.I've tried to learn new things, but i never get totally involved in them since i get bored easily, and i'm worried since i'm getting old and i'm afraid i'll never do something special, ever.Till some weeks ago i tought i was good painting and drawing, but now a girl (who happens to be my best friend) is going to be published in a magazine and i'm really jealous, i'm burning inside coz when i was younger one day we were looking at each others drawings and one guy in my class stood there and told me "She draws better. Much better". I felt quite sad, but never left to draw...still she receives a lot more of attention...and i think my work's better. (seriously talking).I feel uneasy, i'd like to feel complete, realized, important..but for some reason or another, i don't manage to.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): let me start by saying what is considered good or great art is entirely subjective - meaning beauty is in the eye of the beholder. it could be that while your art is better, her style is a better fir for the magazine. in life there are always going to be people that are better than us at what we do. i played basketball in college, but didnt make it to the pros because there were a lot of people better at it than me. take what you like to do and use it to make yourself happy. it sounds like art or writing could be a great outlet for what you have built up inside you. do those things to make yourself happy and not others and you will derive a lot more joy from them.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 The only really positive thing that you said about yourself in that long list of complaints is that you really do believe that your artwork is better than your friends. Good. Now believe it! Go and take lessons or make some inquiries into local art societies. There are plenty of classes to take out there!
No matter who you are, there are always going to be people who are better off than you, richer, more talented, prettier and smarter - AND - there are always going to be people who are WORSE off than you, uglier, dumber and who have less than you. It's much easier to compare yourself to all of those who are better off, and then throw up your hands and cry "Unfair" and give up; than it is to actually stick with something, throw yourself into it and get good at it. What a fantastic excuse it is for you to say that I'm easily bored and that's why I can't possibly be good at anything. Well, I'm calling you on it.
Try joining a gym and trying an aerobics class. That would help you with TWO things - you could use a bit of exercise, because it makes you FEEL better, it releases endorphins and serotonin, which are chemicals that improve your mood and lift depression - and it could help you with your dancing abilities. See? Two positive things!
If people are always telling you that you complain a lot, then you should re-read your letter and see how you feel about what you have written. If you compared yourself to the characters in Winnie-the-Pooh, People will always like to be around a "Tigger", People find it very hard to be friends with an "Eyore"! Only YOU can change your outlook and attitude. Wear an elastic around your wrist and snap it every time you complain about yourself or put yourself down. While you are at it, give yourself a big pat on the back and treat yourself to something special every time you think you are great or you've done something special. Look right in the mirror and tell yourself that you are the BEST!!! Keep doing this until you believe it! People can't love you if you are always putting yourself down and you don't love yourself.
You really need to get some perspective on this, Dear. The next time that you are feeling sorry for yourself, volunteer at a homeless shelter or food bank, or give up some of your time to a home for the blind, an old age home or become a Big Sister. You are lucky to be young and able-bodied!!! I know of people who had cancer at 12 and didn't even get a chance to be 19, so consider that the challenges that you have been faced with are at least ones that you can actually have some control over and actually change! It's down to you and I know that you can do it! Stop dwelling on the negative and look at the positive! You are capable of turning this around, I can tell by the intelligence of your letter that you are. It's well written for the most part and has very little text-speak compared to a lot of letters from people your age, so your english skills are very good. There, that's Another positive thing about YOU!!!
Good Luck, Hun!
XXX
The ONLY person who is in charge of your life is YOU. Look at it this way - You only get out of life what you are prepared to put into it! So Get Up and Get Going! You have your whole life ahead of you!
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A
male
reader, ChiRaven  +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Your problem is concentration. Excelling at anything takes the ability to stick to something until you have mastered it, and it sounds like you're having trouble with that.
Such things are often the result of medical problems that impair one's ability to concentrate. I would suggest that if you haven't already done so, you might want to discuss your difficulty concentrating with a medical practitioner (doctor or psychologist) who may be able to help you discover a root cause that can be treated to help you be more successful at achieving specific goals in life.
It's worth a try.
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife +, writes (7 July 2008):
 Life is all about being the best "you" that you can be. You should stop focusing on other people and start focusing on yourself, your goals, your dreams.
When I was 19, I didn't accomplished much either. Got my first GF at that age, guess its a start. Now I'm 22 and did a lot of things in those short 3 years.
Don't live life as if you were already death. Live while you're alive.
Life is an experience, through experience you learn and when you learn-you grow.
Do what you feel like doing, if you're not good at it, well work hard to be the best.
Some say that drawing is a gift, I say it takes discipline/patience and time in order to be good.
Some catch faster than others but that's ok, we all learn at our own paste.
You have lots of rage in you? Let it out through drawing, scream, do what ever it takes but that s*** should get out of your system so that you can take your energy and put it on your self growth.
You're not alone
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2008): I used to be this way too. I was really involved in music actually, and enjoyed it thoroughly until I began to perform with other musicians. All of a sudden, it was more work than play and all of the fun wasn't there anymore. I became bitter and overly obsessed with how good I was in comparison with others. It takes time to get over being jealous. What I would begin to do is keeping most of your work private. When you feel comfortable or really proud of something you have accomplished, then feel free to show it to those you trust, but make sure your focus in painting is expressing yourself and not comparing yourself to others or trying to "outpaint" anyone else. It's actually pretty pointless to even compare two artists since style is so much of a factor. I guarantee, the more you focus on trying to compete with others, the less successful your art will be.
Eventually, yes it may help you grow to share your art openly with the public. But don't do this before you are ready. Give yourself time to move past obsessing with what others think of you. Then, share your art without any care whatsoever what others think of it. Many musicians (and I'm sure painters too) have purposely performed badly in public just to help themselves move beyond channeling all of their energy into pleasing others.
On a side note, 19 isn't at all too old to have your first boyfriend. Most relationships that occur before you get into your twenties are not serious anyway. Many people have absolutely no idea what they want to do at that age.
Good luck!
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