A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello. let me start off with im in love with a girl. I unwillingly fell in love. she works with me. she's my friend. we've agreed to only be friends but there has always been a very strong sexual tension aswell as a strong attraction between us. I know this because any time we drink or just hang out we succumb to it. I've been there with her for many of her ups and downs. she has trusted me more than she has trusted any of her boyfriends. I didn't want TO fall in love but I did. we work with each other. she recently broke up with a guy we both work with. I was the person she went to afterwards. I helped her thru it watched her kid for her while she went out and tried to drown her sorrows. but don't worry I gave her hell for it the next day. her kid even has called me daddy quite a few times. I stupidly drunken texted her tellin her everything of how I felt. after awhile she started fooling around with her ex's friend. this girl has been causing me a lot of pain lately. now she is tellin everyone that she has found her soulmate. that really hurt. I've taken a lot of pain from this girl and this one hurt the most. this is just a short story of it all sorry if it doesn't clarify everything. so I know this girl so well I can tell her what she's craving before she knows it, and she broke my heart. she knows how I feel about her. how do I stop this. how do I stop letting her hurt me. I want TO leave her behind but I hurt too much from this girl. tell me how to leave her behind.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): this girl has taken you for granted,even though she probably appreciates everything you have done for her! you need to take a step back and cut all contact with this girl! cause then she will realise what she is missing! and the fact she has said she has met her soulmate.means that you should let her get on with her life so that you can get on with your own! within time things will get easier for you! :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): I think i have read previous submissions from you...
So...Drunk dialing and drunk texting is the worse thing you could possibly do. And first time confessions of love that aren't in person are destined to fail. You can reinforce it later by correspondence, but the first time you tell her how you feel, it should be in person.
"I unwillingly fell in love"
First off, I know what you are talking about. It can seem like a girl just pulls a fast one on you and makes you lose yourself. "Its all her fault, and was part of her evil plan. She did it!" But you have to accept some complicity in this situation. A part of you may have been unwilling against love, but a part of you was seeking it too. A part of you opened up enough for it to even happen. In the end... you gave up, lowered what was left of your defenses, and let her take you. Gotta accept it. Gotta accept it in order to move on. If you realize in the end it was a conscious choice by you, then that gives you more POWER in this situation. And more power over YOUR life.
If..however, you cast yourself as the victim, then the victim you shall be, and moving on will be far more difficult.
The steps to moving on are simple in theory, but can be long and arduous in application. Forgive her for whatever wrong she has done you (This can be tough). In addition, accept what responsibility you have in the situation..and forgive yourself for it (your biggest challenge imo). Also, try to remember that her forgiving you, if applicable, is NOT necessary for you to move on.
Eventually, if you have done all this, you will come to a place where you tell yourself you have done everything for her that you can, and that the rest is out of your hands. Also, you can get to a place where you are happy for her that she found a "soul mate" and all that jazz, and hope that he can keep her happy (however unlikely that might be). lol. But, whatever, its out of your hands now. Be free. Or at least try. In these types of situations if you cannot "do", then "trying" is the next best thing.
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