A
male
age
36-40,
Daniel the love doctor
writes:Are you currently involved with someone but have yet to introduce them to your children? Are nervous and unsure what type of response you may get from your kids or the person that you're seeing if you do introduce them?Well here's what you can do:- Plan the meeting. You should give it a fair amount of time before you introduce your kids. Then when you do feel that it's the right time and you're really positive that the person you're with is in it for the long haul, then set up a day for them to meet.- Talk with your children. Let them know that mommy/daddy has someone that makes them happy, and you would appreciate it if they can meet him/her too. Of course this all depends on the situation and how old your kids are. So you may customize your talk and see if they would be comfortable meeting.- Look for feedback. Have a talk with the person you're seeing and your kids separately. Find out what they think about each other after the initial encounter. If everything's positive, continue to check for feedback. Body language towards each other shows their level of comfort. Look at how they interact when they're around each other.** It may take a while for your children (or even the person that you're seeing to adjust to the situation). So just give it some time.If all goes well, it may erase any fears or nervousness that you might've had. So just do a lot of group (family-like) activities with them, in addition to the dates that you and the man/woman that you're with go on...and things should be fine. Reply to this Article
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male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (25 October 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well I wish you happiness- and the very best in your situation Janniepeg. :^)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 My sex drive also dropped. I don't think about sex that much. At first like many people I would assume something is wrong when there is no sex. Such as is he depressed, does he have ED, will this be a sexless relationship? After I confirmed none of the above is true, I have a peace of mind. I don't care anymore, whether there is maintenance sex. I think this is an evolution of a relationship. I remember after I had my baby and nursing around the clock, I had zero sex drive. Since my boyfriend is an outsider and just starting to bond with a child he is experiencing fatherhood for the first time. It opened my eyes to see that the bond can be so strong, even for a child not biologically his. He says he is still adjusting and he is just going through a phase.
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (23 October 2011):
Daniel the love doctor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Janniepeg. O.k. let me address your comments...
I agree that it may take some time to find "the one"- but when you do find someone that you feel could be, you have to carefully and wisely make a decision on when you'd like to introduce the children to him/her. It's all about timing. Timing also comes into play for everyone to get comfortable with being a family. It's a new experience for everyone, so things should just flow as they may- without anything seeming forced.
And thanks also for sharing your story. I'd like to say first that your situation is a unique one. Because 9 times out of 10, after the guy feels uncomfortable playing the father role, says he doesn't want kids, was just a FWB, he wouldn't stick around long. But you've manage to have a relationship with him. He obviously started to care about you and your son... and that's a good thing.
But I think the reason for his decline in his sexual drive is because he's taken on a totally different role with you. When you two were just sexual partners, that's all there was to it. Now he has responsibilities, he views you in a different way, and the excitement that comes with being FWB, is no longer there. I don't think it's because he loves your son more..I just think that the two of you need to add some spark back into your sex life. Engage in some role-playing, come up some romantic ideas that involve candles, slow music, fore-play food, etc. And if necessary, see a sex therapist.
I wish you the very best!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 October 2011):
Children under 6 is the easiest and least resistant when it comes to stepparenting. You said the best time to introduce children is after you decided on the one, which may take up to 2 years to find that person. It takes a few more years to become a comfortable family unit.
I did it all wrong 3 years ago. I had an FWB turned into long term boyfriend. At first it was all sex. We didn't talk about relationship until after one year. Two weeks after the initial meeting my boyfriend (never married no children) saw my son (at that time 3) for the first time. My boyfriend looked intensely uncomfortable. That was also the time he said he never wanted children. He was jealous of the time and attention I spent on my son. He felt second best.
Fast forward three years later they bonded. They are now like father and son. Even my boyfriend's mom called him grandson. My boyfriend is saying now that he is taking care of a child his sex drive plummeted when before he was like a sex addict. I feel my boyfriend loves my son more than me. Now I feel second best. It's all very weird but how can I complain, where can I find such a good dad ever again.
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