A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My relationship is not good. The only thing that is holding us together is the sex. I feel like crap because of this. Yet sometimes I still want to have sex and we do it, most of the time it's just to satisfy his needs (bc its all we ever do nowadays). Is it normal to cry after sex? It has happened quite a few times and I make sure he doesn't know. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2006): Yes, please do get out of this relationship ASAP and DO find a good professional counsellor!
You need to come to grips with why you would rather stick with someone who is so uncaring than be alone.
Good luck to you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. Yes I am depressed and I have gone through some issues in the past. I know what's happening is wrong. I don't have anyone to talk to and I guess I rather be with someone than be alone. I don't tell my parents anything because they constantly criticize everything I do. So yes, I guess they are emotionally unavailable. I'm not close to anyone. To be honest, I feel lonely, depressed and empty all the time.
The relationship went down the drain months ago. He doesn't care. I know he is just using me for sex and when he is sick of me he will eventually throw me out. He's doing it right now, I think hes talking to someone else. I try not to care either but deep down it hurts that he can't be what I REALLY want. He will never be what I want and honestly I feel like I'm never going to find the right person so I stick to what I have.
I'm not a social person so I don't get to meet many people or let alone any guys. If I found someone else who treated me better I'm sure I would have the strength to leave him a long time ago.
In the beginning everything went well, he was such a good guy and I believed I could trust him. Until he pressured me for sex. Even though I would say no he still kept on it until he finally got his way one day. I was a virgin and I was naive so when it was over I thought that he will love me and everything will be great. Obviously, things aren't. I guess I stay with him because I feel guilty that I lost it to him and I believe it should be given to only someone you love like your husband.
I can tell you now, I never loved him. Yet I still stick with his abuse and I don't know why. I think I do need to see a professional.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): I agree with the things Malyce has said. The time after sex you should be feeling most closely connected to your partner, feeling the opposite is something I think possibly a councellor could help you with, if after other things you've tried don't work.
Malyce mentioned Seasonal depression, I was diagnosed with SAD (seasonal affection disorder) myself years ago and I find these months very hard at times. This could easily be a reason for why your emotions are overwhelming you, so that is something to think about if it as only been happening the last few months.
You could also try opening up to your boyfriend, I'm sure he would want to be there for you if he knew you were crying and feeling as low as you obviously are, I know I would. If you think you can bring this up with him then give it a try, he may be able to help, you never know! Good luck with whatever you choose to do, I'm sure things will improve for you..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): Sweetie, please get some counselling. It sounds like there are deeper, rooted issues that have you holding onto someone who is not emotionally available to you; was Mom or Dad like this for you when you were growing up?
Do you suffer seasonal depression?
Where along the line did you notice the relationship breaking down and was this external or internal?
See a family Doctor to address any depression; it sounds like you are slowly headed in the direction and see if you can rule out any blood/health related issues too.
Then get some counselling to help you get stronger emotionally and mentally. Sounds like you need someone to talk to and be heard by and that you need support. So do get it ASAP.
Take Care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2006): Sex should not be the basis for people staying together. It should be the icing on the cake, not the total cake. Tell him how you feel and if need be, get out of this totally loveless relationship. Crying after sex does happen. We get emotional during the act and that can bring on the tears afterwards. Nothing to worry about, you are not different or odd, people react in different ways.
Get into a good relationship. Make that you New Years resolution!!!
Take care
xx
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