A
female
age
36-40,
*rettycait06
writes:This may take a bit to explain. Be patient.I met this guy Travis about a year ago when I started working at a grocery store. I hinted to wanting to go out with him a few times and finally he got my point and we went out for dinner and it ended up being a 12 hour date. Together until the sun came up the next morning. I found out that night that he was 32, 13 years older than me. Now in all honesty age has never been a huge deal to me. It is simply a number. So we spent a lot of time together over the next few weeks and got pretty close. Then he informed me one day that he met a girl in Indy and that he thought it might go somewhere. I caught the lie immediately, because Travis does not believe in long distance relationships and wouldn’t move to Indy for a chance at love. He has also told me many of times that he does not believe in love and that he will never ever give relationships another chance. So when he said there was someone else I knew he was simply covering up something. My gut feeling to this day, although I still don’t know this for sure, is that he started to feel more than he was comfortable feeling towards me.Well after that ordeal we didn’t talk or speak much until this last September. And finally one day I walked up to him and said “let’s go see 30 Days of Night.” And he agreed that that was a wonderful idea. So at this point we started to talk a little bit again but never saw the movie. Then he sent me a message via MySpace hoping I could help him find something he needed. Which I did. And by early November we had started spending time together again. *Side note- In September Travis had a mental break down and has not been the same since* Soon we started spending every moment we could with each other. Flashing smiles to each other at work and calling each other on our breaks when we worked different shifts. We went out to dinner at least once a week and spent the night together another night. Even if I went home from his house I never left before 3 am. Well Valentines Day came and so did my birthday. Travis gave me a rose and I gave him a card and told him how I really feel about him. Up to this point we had not mentioned anything about how we really felt for each other. He said to me that it was very flattering and I could tell he felt awkward so I insisted it was simply a stupid girl crush and that I would get over it. He went to his therapist the following day and called me in tears following the appointment because he ‘didn’t feel the same way but loves spending time with me. And he said he just did not get why he couldn’t love me because he wants to. And my reply was simply that no matter what way he loves me friends or more that I would never ever leave him he will always be my best friend. And also said you may love me but with your life right now you cannot love yourself let alone identify those feelings for someone else. Weeks passed, he gave me another rose. And begged me to spend the night many times. But I found myself being the one to pull back this time. I found myself falling for him hard and hard with each phone call. It did not bother me that he had panic attacks so bad that he shook the whole couch. Because when he was with me or even talked to me I fixed it. Finally it all got so bad that not even I could fix it. The last time I saw Travis was three weeks ago last Tuesday. He hugged me good bye and I kept my back to him because I myself was starting to have a panic attack and could not stop the tears. I did not kiss him good bye. I had not heard from him until Easter Sunday in which he called at 6 in the morning. I said hello three times and he hung up. Then this pasty Saturday he called but his phone only worked one way, he could not hear me. I screamed into the phone and he still could not hear me. All I know about where he is right now is that he is in Arizona. Which I assume means he has gone to the mayo clinic. Because that was the plan, was for him to go get the help that I cannot give him. He as only told me he loves me once. And he was under the influence of some strong medications from the hospital which he said was equal to a modern day truth serum. But when I told him he said it all he said was why I would have said that. And we quickly changed the subject. I guess the advice I need is simply do I wait? Is it truly worth waiting for someone who shows all of the signs of love but cannot say it? And may not be able to ever say it. I adore Travis the last few weeks with out him I have been sad, irritable, worries, and lonely. He fills this void in my life that no one ever has. My initial idea was to ask him simply for once chance to show him that I can completely his life like he does mine. Or at least the chance to see if we could work out. Because in one letter he had said that he does not think we are soul mates. My response was that you cannot know if someone is your soul mate if you never give them a chance to show you what they have to give you and bring to your life. In many ways Travis and I are two very different people but we are also so very much a like. I want to ask him for a chance to show him just how wonderful I am and just how much I love him. But is that out of line? Or unfair to do so close to his return from such a huge journey in his life? And is it truly even worth my time? Thank youCait
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at work, best friend, crush, long distance, myspace, older man, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 April 2008):
 I'm honestly sorry for you, prettycait06, but I agree, word by word, with Ask_Oldersister. I think you should better find yourself someone else. If he were into you, he would be acting very differently.
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