A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 25 years old, with a good steady job and a small close network of friends. I have been single for well over a 3 years now - I have tried online dating since this and Ive meet up with a few people but just lately im just not impressed with what i am seeing/reading online - all seems like the dregs of the barrel so to speak.As the years continue my attitude towards men and a family is changing dramatically to the point where i am saying i do want someone in my life - this is mostly down to the fact that they will disapoint me (like my past relationships) and also i feel I am independent and i suppose selfish in some ways and I dont want anyone to introde on that. at then moment I am saving up to buy my first home and I would take my house over any relationship at any cost. Obviously with this attitude I am not going to get anyone but i sort of feel no one is going to come along so rather then get upset about it just get on with my life and enjoy spending time with friends and running my own life.Should I be feeling like this when some many people I know at my age have long term boyfriends, husbands and are starting to settle down with kids? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for you answers and input
I have actually already dont the travelling, working abroad, university etc. The time feels right for settling down with a job, house, cat lol. However I suppose your right in saying I am still considered very young and really I should enjoy what I have and what I am doing and wait and see what comes along for me.
I have from the past learned that things happen when you least expect them and that is definately true of one relationship that I had - didnt work out but was brilliant whilst it lasted - maybe thats what i need to do to expereince that level of happiness again.
I am for the most part happy in my life and i enjoy my independence but you always get a little part of you that says 'you should be with someone', 'its unnatural to be single' and I should stop listening to this part of myself and focus on the rest of me that is saying 'don't worry about it'
As Denise said: 'its better to be happily single than hooked up with someone you're miserable with!' - can't tell you how much i agree with that and how many of those situations I have been in when i was much younger
Thank you both very much for your advise :)
A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 Your time-line is very personal, and it's all relative. It's all about what's right for you, life isn't a race.
I'm a bit older than you and I'm still not ready! I keep telling myself that eventually I'll have to make that decision, one way or the other.
Once you're settled down, it's difficult to uproot yourself and give free reign to your desires to travel and see the world. Perhaps subconsciously you have a strong desire to get something out of your system but just haven't realized it.
Is there something you would like to do before you have a mortgage, a spouse and kids? Travel, work abroad, see the world, join the circus (just kidding about that last one. Well I DID consider doing it... see my avatar... a mermaid lol)?? Perhaps if you made a bucket list of "stuff I wanna do before I marry and have kids," that would help.
I'm off to teach English in Mexico soon and my parents are giving me hell about it. The real reason they're upset that I'm leaving the coutnry is because they want me to get married and have kids instead. I wish that when I was 21 I was aware that it was an option, but the only thing I can control is whether or not I do it now.
There's nothing wrong with you, though.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (29 August 2010):
 The main thing is is whether you are happy or at least satisfied with your life at this point.
It really doesn't matter what other people think: YOU are the one inside your own skin. So long as you know what you want and what your values are, that's what matters.
Saving for a home takes a lot of doing, but its something you want.......do you have a good relationship with your family? you do have a number of women friends. Do you also have one or two platonic male friends you enjoy spending time with? What are the activities/hobbies that interest you? These are all important parts of being a contented single.
Having said that, I can say that when I was on some dating sites a number of years ago after being widowed (and I'm a good deal older than you) I wasn't too impressed with men I encountered. I eventually joined one where you have a video profile in their "library" and met one or two, including one man my own age I had a relationship with for a year, plus one or two others. Then, e-harmony supposedly matches you with someone who is a good "candidate" based on various personality traits.......but again, it didn't really work for me. Now, after dating a local guy for a couple years (and we're still friends) I'm in touch with someone in England who is active in the church I attend when I visit family and friends there twice a year. We video visit every week and will be going on some outings while I'm there for six weeks........we're good friends and its going well at this point.......
I'm outlining my history to say that SOMETIMES one meets someone compatible on dating sites; sometimes it works for a while, and some are just "no-go's" after only one or two dates.
A church - or it could be a book club, hiking group, some activity that you enjoy in common with other people, including men, often seems to be better. Because at least if you get talking to a guy there, you can start to get acquainted as friends first, knowing you at least have a mutual enjoyment of music for instance (if you are part of a choral group), church, synagogue, whatever). You might also run into a nice eligible man who is a neighbor when you finally get your own home! There's many ways to cross paths..........and you are only 25.
I think - guys, correct me if I'm wrong - men tend to be interested in a woman who takes care of her health, her looks - dresses well, that is - and is obviously not out looking for a man but who is open and friendly, smart and yes, independent........any man (or any woman) would run a mile from someone who comes across as man-hunting and needy. Which you certainly don't.
In short, if you decide you do want a man in your life, who lives up to your goals and expectations, (and you his) it will most likely eventually happen.
And if not? Well, its better to be happily single than hooked up with someone you're miserable with!
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