A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:hi, need advice on a workplace question, hoping for genuine answers please, appreciate it. I work in a hospital, I like my job, need it and am not going to leaveMost of my colleagues are friends, to some degree, not all are "good"friends but most socialise out of work. im older than most, not all, of them, am quieter but always say hi, smile, get in conversation where appropriate, am polite, do my work, small talk etc. i have a few friends out of work, and my own life, i have hardly any friends but i do have a life out of work, i dont socialise with them, i am never asked , unless its a xmas party or general work function, like a farewell etc, and am always the odd one out, so to speak. im not bullied or hated but always excluded, they say hi and occasionally talk, one on one, in a group im lucky to get a hello,i can work with them on, but they "clique" away and talk and laugh together, i dont want to be part of it,but its human nature to feel a little left out, cliques are hard to deal with. What should i do? keep working, say hi, be polite and talk when given the opportunity, again im not trying to be part of the clique, just need to know how to deal with being excluded. wonen and hospital cliques.. hard to deal with. please dont be nasty, hurt here. thanks and sorry for bad spelling
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): I think its perfectly natural to feel the way you do.I'm a bit the same, although on the other extreme. Originally was the youngest person there so felt left out as had no children or at the time a partner to talk about, instead i was spending time with mates outside of work having drinks etc.I guess it comes down to whether you actually want to socialise with your mates or whether you just need to accept that you are liked, and you have good friends at work, but your social life is different.Even now there are younger people at my work, but I am quite private and do not spend time with any work mates outside of work. I dont know, it just doesnt feel right to me, and yet I know they are great friends at work who i make small talk to.If you want to be included more, next time raise with one of the people you get along well with 'hey i heard a few of you are catching up to go see such and such this weekend, that sounds really fun!'. The workmate may invite you along in which case go along, enjoy yourself and im sure they'll think to invite you in the future. Its quite possible that they just didnt realise you want to spend time with them also, and no body is to blame for that. we all assume sometimes.If they don't offer then dont take it personally. Just some people are more cliquey and they may feel they have a group outside of work. You still have great friends outside of work, even if its a smaller group so start focusing on seeing them more often as if you were to ever leave the workplace, they are the ones who will still always be around for you!!All the best
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (1 December 2011):
 Hi There!
Your in a difficult situation because you spend the majority of your waking life at work. Its natural you want to feel comfortable and happy there. However its not happening right now for you.
As these people have a "clique" already its difficult for you to fit in. This kind of situation happens in alot of work places. It often takes time for people to accept "others" in.
I would advise that if you want to be "friends" with these people consider what you all have in common with them outside of "work".
Do you have anything in common with them? any hobbies? anything?
If you do have things in common, strike up a conversation with one of them about it because it makes you look more warm and friendly, prehaps even influencing one to want to include you in their social circle.
If your really brave ask them if they would like to go out for drink? consider it team bonding?
( you have nothing to lose by asking! )
The key is to remember that your doing the right thing being polite but the bigger picture is that it doesnt matter if these women exclude you, as long as you are enjoying YOUR JOB thats what important too.
You say you have friends and a life outside of work so focus your mind on that if you feel left out in the meantime.
If the women at work are excluding you even after everything ive suggested you can do,
remember you dont need friends like them anyway.
I hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2011): This is the poster, I have been there for a few years, longer than them, im not 100! im just older than most, thay are mostly 20 somethings, ther are a few older onse there too ( a few in their 30s like me, inluding our boss, she is the biggest clique person of all,) and some of them fit in with the younger crowd, a few of them have very strong personalities,most are super confident and all are very good at their job, and are interesting and funny. I cant be fake or change who I am!! i try to talk and intiate convo, to appear social,but im quieter, and sometimes they talk but never in a group, only one to one.. I dont want to be thier BFFS, but its hard to listen to the cliqueing, esp. when you are always left out. Im just a worker, Im ok at my job, not great but OK, im not a boss or in charge of them, a few of of them are assistant managers/in charge of shifts, (which is fine im not a manager type and dont care if my boss/ or shift in charge is younger than me, age doesnt matter) some of them have climbed the work leader quickly.) I do talk when the opportunity comes up but they never initiate talking with me, they dont want to know, I have nothing to "offer them"in terms of convo, so i do my work and keep the peace.
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