A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i had a bf whose name was Rahul of 4.5 years with whom i was sexually involved.he used to love me a lot but we broke up because he had hit me physically four times and used to abuse a lot.then i found a new guy whose name is Ajay,he is very caring and what i like the most is that he respects me a lot.but this new relation was gud at the starting,now its going to be 4 months and things have messed up.he had lied about his past relationships.Earlier he told me that he had one gf 9 years back but i found that he broke up 2 years back.he said i was his third gf and the previous two relationship lasted only for an year or months.few days back i checked my bf's phone and i found that he wrote a msg to an unknown number saying that he will call later.i asked that who was that person.he said nothing,just a friend.then i confronted him and he said that it was her 2nd ex gf and he said he will never talk again.somehow i took the number from his postpaid bill and dialed and when i talked to the girl i found that it was his 1st ex gf(whom he loved a lot)and not 2nd.That girl told me that she hates my bf and she said that my bf was telling her that he still misses her.Not only that she also told that my bf had one more relationship for four years.also he forgot to wish me at night 120'clock our 3rd month anniversary.when i asked the next morning he said that he was busy in exam preparation.but i checked the call list and saw that on that night he was talking with her ex.he talked with her ex 5-6 times at night for 1 hour duration each time.when i confronted my bf he said the truth and he finally promised that it will never happen again.i again contacted that girl to ask if he called, she said no.but my bf said that he was never in a real relation.no girl gave love to him and he has just kissed his 1st ex not even smooch,no couple pic.he lost his virginity with me.meanwhile he was cheating on me like this,i even did a mistake.i had sex with my ex bf 3times being in a relationship with my new bf.i told him the truth and asked for forgiveness.the guy said its ok i cant loose you.also in my new bf past relationship all the girls cheated on him and so he feels scared to love me 100%.he says he will but he wil take time.i dont know how to proceed with this relation?i have already broken all contact with my ex.but if that guy is ready to accept me then i think i should also give him a chance.what to do?
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anniversary, broke up, ex girlfriend, her ex, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): Honestly I would say pick different men. Neither of these two seem qualified to actually have a healthy relationship. Abuse should not be tolerated period so you can probably cross the abusive ex-boyfriend right off the list. If you don't think you can trust the new one which is evident by the fact that you felt the need to go through his phone and see what he has been doing. Maybe try being single for a while. A lot of women out there seem to think there is something wrong with just being by themselves without a man on their arm to make them seem worth while. If you can't be happy by yourself then you will never be happy in a relationship. Try and figure out WHAT IT IS ABOUT YOU that attracts these type of men to you and why you are attracted to them back. Work on yourself and leave both of them behind.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (14 June 2014):
 OP why do you even want to wait for him to do it again before you move on?
It seems quite clear that regardless of all the good advice you received here, you're still going to go ahead with what it is you want to do. If you get hurt, remember its only you to blame because you were warned against it by us all. However, it is your life and you can do with it what you want so go ahead, just don't complain when things turn sour, it would have been of your choosing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): NEITHER! Dump them both, and stay single awhile.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): It's your choice what you want to do, but you MUST realise that there is ALWAYS a "leave"/"neither" option. You don't NEED a boyfriend, especially an abusive one or one you can't trust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am 21 and i am thinking since this guy has given me a chance,i should also give him a last chance.if again he does it i wil move on.is that ok?
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (13 June 2014):
 Neither of them. They both sound pretty terrible.
You should never, EVER settle for someone who abuses you. That's unforgivable and a total deal breaker. So that would take ex boyfriend out of the picture for me. But this new guy also sounds awful. He's a proven liar and I wouldn't put up with that, either.
Why does it have to be either or? Can't it be none of the above?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 June 2014):
 Dump 'em both.. and hold out for a reasonable, smart and sensible "boyfriend". WHY should you have to choose between two ASSHOLES???? .... when there are MANY guys who are NOT ASSHOLES who would love to spend time with you????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (12 June 2014):
 Neither.
I think both CMMP and WiseOwlE. Focus on you. Take some time off dating.
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A
female
reader, Dionee' +, writes (12 June 2014):
I think in reality you have 3 choices:
1. The old guy
2. The new guy
3. Neither
I think you should go with neither. Focus on yourself first before getting into another toxic relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014): [edit]: I think you are making bad choices in the kind of mind you like.
Correction:
I think you are making bad choices in the kind of men you like.
Sorry!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014): I think you are making bad choices in the kind of mind you like. You seem to find liars and then spend a lot of time investigating their backgrounds after you commit to them as boyfriends. I don't know your true age, it is somewhere between 18-21. I think you have some maturing to do, and you need time away from men and should concentrate on getting yourself an education.
Young women often get caught-up in relationships and neglect getting a good education to gain independence. Or, they get too busy with the drama in relationships while in-school; while their studies suffer. Which of these are you?
How does someone so young get herself in so much trouble, unless she likes bad-boys? No account trifling losers who beat women and lie. Then you go looking through their phones and tracking down their old girlfriends.
Try not going out with "bad-types," and you'll minimize these types of experiences. Anyone can make a mistake and come across a liar. I think it's your taste in men. You trust them too quickly; just because you like them for being nice to you. I can also pretty much guess your parents don't like the types of guys you like to date.
It is certain they try to advise you, but you may not be listening.
Take time off, be a single-lady; and grow-up a little more. In the meantime, get your education and gain some control on your life; so you will be an independent woman with less trouble. Going from one bad guy to the next is making a mess of your young life. Time to get our life together, and add some purpose to it. It's not all about having boyfriends.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2014): "The new guy that I can't trust, or the old guy who hit me?"
Neither.
I respectfully suggest that you seek counseling to get to the root of the issues that have left you with so little self-esteem that you are so desperate to have a man in your life that your standards are so low that you are willing to settle for anything that breathes.
Men can't disrespect women who respect themselves, and until you respect yourself you will continue to attract nothing but cheaters and/or abusers because those are the kind of scumbags who prey upon needy insecure females.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (12 June 2014):
I would put you in the same category as these other two guys: people to avoid dating.
What you really need to do is forget about both of them, work on bettering yourself, either through counseling or self help books or something, and then, when you have worked through some of your issues, get yourself a good guy. Until you do that you'll only have cheaters and abusers to choose from because that's what you are.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it's the truth. Everyone deserves someone who'll treat them well and they're happy with. But many people will never find that because they can't offer it to anyone.
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