| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: i think my boyfriend of 18 months is very paranoid and insecure. im 21 with a good job and a rented home. he is 25 and does a few shifts at a pub now and then. i always feel like he's telling me i'm wrong or stupid or attention seeking but i dont know if im being over sensitive or if it is him that is out of order. he always wants to know where ive been and who i'm talking to and why i was there. is he paying an interest or is he checking up on me? he thinks every man on the planet fancies me. if i talk to a man he says i'm doing it for the attention becuase i know that man fanceis me and i'm a slut for leading him on. i do talk to everyone, even strangers. i always thought i was quite outgoing, even my mum chats to people in the street or at the bus stop. do i flirt without realising or is eh paranoid and controlling? please help. i dont know if im losing my mind or i should just lose my boyfriend.
View related questions:
flirt, insecure Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007): No I do not think your losing your mind, because my boyfriend is the same way we have been together for three years, Im eight-teen, and he is 21.... We just had a baby together 3 months ago, and thats when it all started, or maybe thats when i noticed it the most.... I gave in to his controllingness and now i dont know how to get my self out.... But the best thing to do is to point it out to him.... tell him exactly how it is, dont let him push you around.... you know the saying "give an inch, take a mile?" well from the sounds of it hes taking the mile.... If you love him take the time to try to fix the problem, granted it will take time, but if you think it is worth it FIX him.... dont let this happen for too much longer, because once they have been doing the controlling thing for a while, it's even harder to break the habit.....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2007): I think you should jsut lose him and get on with your life. You should like you are doing really good in life. You should really leave him and go on with your life as you were living it before you met him.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): Are you kidding me? Lost the boyfriend. At best he's a bad match for you, at worst he's just a bad guy. You don't need a relationship that has you questioning yourself.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2006): You have a bf there who cannot trust, dear. When he is this controlling, he is filled with fear. By controlling you, his fears are kept at bay. Unfortunately, this behavior will seriously harm your relationship and apparently, it has already. Calling you a 'slut' was out of line and emotionally abusive. Grown-ups in adult relationships don't call each other names. Trust is fundamental to any relationship. If he's living with all these doubts, fears and suspicions, this not only makes him feel insecure and anxious, but more importantly, it's wreaking havoc on his self-esteem. He's the only one who can get these toxic feeling under control and only then, can trust ever be re-established. But...it's his choice to behave this way and his choice to have this behaviour dealt with. As for you, being outgoing and bubbly, is a gift and you are unique and he needs to understand this is just who you are. He accepts it or not. I suggest you sit him down and make him aware of this. You need to put boundaries on his controlling behaviors. I am concerned that he may be so used to coping with his fears with control that he may not know of other ways to behave. He may need some outside help to cope, such as counselling and I think people can chamge. If he doesn't want to make changes, then you need to leave this relationship because his dysfunctional behaviours will take you down into the depths of despair. And understand, I don't care what the circumstance is no one should ever resort to name calling. Make him own his decisions to treat you like this. Never allow this. I would tell him that. Good luck, dear.
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (13 June 2006):
 He is infact jealous, paranoid and controlling! Nobody has the right to tell us who we can an cant talk to. he should feel proud that other people fancy you, as your his gf and you two are together and hes the one your with not them. He probably is checking up on you rather than showing an interest, he wants to keep you to himself and have nobody interact with you. Why should you allow him to take away your personality!? And well as far as calling you a slut for leading men on.. pah! hes saying that as he knows that he probably cant treat you as well as one of those would!! And thinks by labelling you like that you wont do it and hes got you where he wants you. Maybe try and find out if he has a past issue with trust, or any insecuritys, has he been cheated on before, he might be that he doesnt realise that he is like it, so you may have to have a chat with him and tell him that if he cant accept the person that you are, bright bubbly and outgoing then your not meant to be together, let him know that hes making you feel this way, and that you are afraid of losing who you are, if he cant see where you are coming from and wont even meet you half way then hes gonna have to go. Give him a chance first, point out hes hurting you in this manner, ask if there is a past bad experience, and see if he will address it, if nothing changes then you will have to rethink your position as it would get a lot worse than this as time went on.
Good luck and take care
x
...............................
|
