A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I work with a close friend who has fallen in love with me. He told other co-workers, who told me, but I pretend not to know. However, this man is married. He has only been married for two years and they have no children. I have known him this whole time and he has never seemed happy. He treats me like I'm the centre of his universe, I've never felt so taken care of. Of course, I never take advantage of this, or give him reason to think the feelings are reciprocated. His wife is a control freak who wont let him have anything to do with other women. She tells him all the time she's going to leave him, and they recently had a massive arguement. He has told us its over, but he's understandably depressed. He thinks there may be a chance to work it out, but doesn't know if he wants to. I've encouraged him to stay with his wife, purely for selfish reasons. I, like the rest of our co workers, think he'd be better off leaving her, but I'm scared of him telling me how he feels. Even though I haven't actually done anything, I feel terribly guilty. I've insisted to others that I absolutely am not interested in him. While I would NEVER do anything with a married or involved man, I secretly love him too. I want him to stay married if it would make him happy, but I've been told the only reason he's staying is because he thinks I don't have feelings for him. I can't help but think if I told him the truth it'd make his decision easier. I don't want to be a homewrecker, and I wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with someone still grieving over a relationship ending. I wouldn't want to be rebound. I just don't know what to do!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): Only two years and no children. It could be worse, really!
Some couples are not meant for each other. Maybe he needs you and you need him, if you both want to get happy. Maybe his marriage was a mistake, but it doesn't have to be one for a lifetime.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2010): His wife is a control freak who won't let him having anything to do with other women, well she obviously knows what he is like!! So he's already started minipulating you by making you feel his sexual happiness depends on you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 So,basically this guy two years ago vowed till death do part us,- and after two years he is already sick and tired of the scenario. Very reliable guy.
He is not leaving his wife though because he has not a replacement ready. If you tell him that you are gonna be his replacement,though, he would leave her to be with you.
And,just out of curiosity : this leaving his wife would take place before or after he had sex with you ?...
Better checking out all the terms and conditions of the deal before putting your signature on the dotted line....
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A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 He doesn't leave his marriage because he isn't sure of your love. What does one have to do with another? If he is in an unhappy marriage as he is spreading the word, then he should do himself a favor and walk out if there is no means or desire left to properly deal with it. A real man shouldn't stay in a miserable relationship forever for fear of being alone. If you tell him you love him you become a homewrecker. He is unavailable and you are young. Don't do something you might later regret."He told other co-workers, who told me, but I pretend not to know." Sounds like kindergarten. I have the feeling he is older but I don't know if you have a lot to learn from him.
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A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 Keep doing exactly what you have been doing, and don't make it known that you have feelings for him. He's still married, and it's up to him to get out of that situation, not make it worse.
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (19 June 2010):
 So basically what your saying is, that he is miserable in his marriage, but he is willing to stay, coz he is afraid of being alone, but, if you would have him, then he'd leave........ so, If you tell him you love him, and he leaves his wife and starts up with you, how will you know he is truly happy, coz he wont leave you, you wont like him talking to other woman, because he may be miserable and looking for a new mommy to look after him, so you could end up being the one who is the control freak, to all his colleagues.
If you think i'm being unfair, i'm sorry, but he hardly has a steel backbone does he.
Maybe as a close friend who cares about him, you could give him the tough talk he needs, and tell him he needs to do whats right by him, and not depending on whether he'll be lonely or not, that the future holds alot of good things, if only he could find where his wife hid his bollox.
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