A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. Been a while. The guy ive been seeing for about two months now has in every other aspect been great minus the issues im here to ask opinions on. He was in a 14 year relationship that ended a year ago. They have two children. He had the children pretty much full time, so he says, up until she found out he was seeing me. She already moved on months ago with a guy we'll call aaron. My bf, we'll call tony, argues nonstop with her. She messaged me some super hateful stuff and told me id never meet their kids, to not even ask about them. She took his kids and has since used them to argue with him day in and day out. One day he said he was going home to mow his lawn, because hes with me dang near nonstop otherwise, and for some reason didnt want me to know he was doing a 2 hour visit with his kids. Shes the one who told me like a week later. He puts her on mute etc and doesnt tell me when they argue, i assume because it made me mad that he would entertain it so frequently and at such crazy hours of the night at times. It made no sense to me why i should be ok with them arguing daily, yet he had only gotten to see his kids for 2 hours in the last month and a half.He let me see some of the convo because i was at my witts end and i seen where shes clearly not over him but also threatening to ruin his life if he stays with me. His share of the conversations seemed one worded. But after she blew him up one night at 3am i went and added aaron and told him what was going on. He said hes seen her copy of the arguments and its mostly tony sending stuff. We took a two day break and last night got back to hanging out. Hes yet to mention a single thing about it, its as if hes always wanting me to ask. I suppose its something i could just stay out of and continue dating him since its her issues causing this, but it bothers me that im left in the dark on the issues. I feel like everytime he goes to his brothers house she shows up throwing a fit and he doesnt tell me about it is kinda the same as lying. Any perspectives on this situation are appreciated. I suppose i dont have a specific question, i just need input altogther. Thanks P.s i want to add that this is the first time ive dated a guy younger than me. Im 32 and hes 28. Shes 25. Aarons 32 Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2020): How did she get your phone number to text.. who gave her that ?? I highly doubt it was you..right !! So who did .. hmm let's see .. your bf.. for what purpose . These are not your children .( relationship kinda new ) so why bring drama to the table ..I think the person who is not over this ..is sleeping on the other side of your bed . He is using you as leverage to make his ex jealous and here the thing ..the may actually get back together ..that's how I read it . If I were you .. I'd slip my running shoes on and head for the hills . Yes it will hurt if you like him - but think to yourself .. who gave her your number ... and why ..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2020): Over the years I've been with DC, the stories from women dating men with exes with kids are pretty much the same. There may be a new twist here and there; but there's always baby-mama drama, he mysteriously slips-off to see his kids (and/or her); and she's insecure about the goings-on between boyfriend and his ex. Children are always the pawns used in the story.
My advice rarely changes. When you put yourself in-between fiery-exchanges and constant battles with exes, who spend more time meddling in your relationship than minding their own business; there's seldom any peace in your relationship. Thanks to this ever-present ex; with his or her nonstop, unresolved, daily-manufactured problems!
You're better-off to exclude yourself, dump the guy, and leave that drama far behind you! If I were you, I'd hightail it outta there!!!
She's really young, and just getting started! This relationship is always going to be a threesome, plus kids! She will spend her nights and days plotting revenge. Her boyfriend, Aaron will grow weary of the drama; and he'll soon be gone as well. For now, the sex must be pretty good. Why would he betray her, going behind her back reporting to you? She's good at picking them!
She has been scorned, and feels he dumped and abandoned her with kids; so she will make any relationship he starts a virtual hell. The kids are still small, they parted only a year ago; so this is going to go-on year after year...for years to come! It's always something! They started a family too young. He wasn't ready for one. She's crazy with jealousy and resentment. Who can really blame her? She has a broken-heart. She's the youngest person in this dramatic story.
If you think you can survive this, and still maintain a fulfilling relationship? Fine! Writing a lengthy post about it, is an indication that you're not faring well with it; and you must feel like you're on the outside looking-in. You have no right going to her boyfriend to keep track of your boyfriend's actions. If he's keeping things from you, he doesn't deserve to be trusted.
How can you establish a relationship without trust, and a constant assault on your privacy from his ex?
My prognosis...this isn't going to last very long. She's out to ruin it like she says; and he's making things hard by being secretive. Being secretive is not a good sign.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 August 2020):
 First off, BLOCK her. She doesn't need to text or call you. AT ALL. She is no one to you and you are no one to her.
Also block her on all YOUR social media. And don't troll hers either.
Secondly... It seems like this isn't going to work. He has to work out issues with her and probably (if he is smart) get a visitation plan that is legally binding. Set up child support etc.
He doesn't tell you about the ex drama because it's NOT about you.. It's for him to deal with. And I'm guess because when he HAS told you what's going on or shown you texts drama ensues. So it's "EASIER" to not tell you instead of having to deal with 2 women and 2 different dramas. I don't blame him. HOWEVER, if there is ALL this hostility and drama and crap going on, I would back out now. It's ONLY been two months and it shouldn't BE this dramatic or complicated to DATE a guy, even if he has kids and an ex. Seriously.
Don't let HER (and HIM) drag you into their SHIT - it is NOT your monkeys or your circus.
So, in short? I'd wish him well and date someone who is 1. READY to date and 2. don't have this insane and dramatic baggage.
This will ONLY escalate and become worse. WHY on Earth would you WANT this crap in your life? Isn't life hard enough without having to deal with this? Plus, the FOUCS of YOUR relationship will be and IS... drama WITH her, that sounds utterly unhealthy.
Let him go, move on. Don't look back.
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