A
male
age
30-35,
*ako1991
writes:I have a crush on a guy I have never met and its making me miserable.I once spoke to this guy on a Grindr a year and half a ago and he did actually ask to meet for a Coffee. I said I couldn’t make it at the time due to work but offered to meet up another time but he just ignored this. I have him on instagram and I know he had a bf for a time following our last chat. I recently saw him on grindr after some time and he is now single. I taped to say hi but he ignored me which hurt. I’ve never actually met him to why am I crushing on him so bad? Iv barely spoken to him too so I don’t get why I feel this way. I just feel stupid but he is driving me crazy. I just cant get him out of my mind. So whats the best way to get over someone you actually haven’t met? Thanks in advance for any advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2020): Some guys just like collecting good-looking admirers and fans. Then they go bragging and telling all their friends about how you're stalking him and won't leave him be. You're not one of his favorites; you're counted among his admirers and worshipers.
You're 26, this nonsense is beneath your dignity. You're obsessing!
You got ignored, yet again! Cut him loose!!! Don't let him make a fool of you! He'll lead you on, brag, and make fun of you with his gay-buddies over drinks. Come-on now!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (1 September 2020):
 He is doing this for his OWN ego's sake, OP
Just block him and find someone who is as INTERESTED in you as you are in them.
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A
male
reader, jako1991 +, writes (31 August 2020):
jako1991 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice both, greatly appreciated.
Bit of an update. So he swiped right on me on Tinder which allows us to talk. I sent him a message yesterday and he ignored this. He also keeps viewing my Grindr profile (we can now see who views us and it also says “secret admirer” which means he has me as a favorite). I am so confused with this guy and its driving me insane.
I have taken your advice on board and realise he must be messing me about. It is all stupid since we haven’t spoken for ages. I agree that im just living in a fantasy at the moment with him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2020): Well, he's doing his best to stay out of your reach. I think this matter will probably resolve itself. Outta-reach, Outta-sight, outta-mind!
You're apparently lonely, and have no probable dating-prospects; or you're having a major dry-spell in your love-life. Hey, kiddo...such is the life of the single young gay-man!
Grindr constantly feeds you eye-candy; and many of those phony-guys tend to be overly-sexy and knuckle-headed. They're also conceited, promiscuous, shady, and they're not looking for anything serious. A coffee-date probably seems a little cliche or vanilla. These guys want one-night stands, and hot-sex on the first-date! There are worse things than Covid-19 out there!
Fate and the heavenly-angels are placing a barrier between you; because this guy is probably bad-news! God watches over us, when we're too caught-up in lust and foolishness to see an oncoming train-wreck! Your mother or grandmother must pray for you a lot! "Dear God, protect my baby-boy, or my grandson!"
For all you know, you may have ducked a bullet and a broken-heart! We have our pride. The feeling of his rejection is a thorn in your side! You feel seeing him would be an accomplishment; and you'd feel better being the one who dumped him. If you've been regularly using Grindr; surely you've swiped-left quite a few times! You didn't meet-up with every horny-creep who wanted to meet you! Be honest!
You've fixated, and apparently you get caught-up in fantasy and daydreaming.
You've convinced yourself this dude is the bomb, and you've just got to meet him! That's having a little too much free-time on your hands, sweetie!
Your imaginary-crush is mentally keeping you company; because you have no other mind-stimulating distractions at the moment. You might have an obsessive-personality; but that's usually managed by keeping busy with an assortment of diversions and fun activities. Throw yourself into your work. Do things that are constructive. Many gyms are closed, or limiting customers. Clubs and bars are virus breeding-grounds, and you're spending too much time stalking Mr. Crushy on social media! You are in desperate need of a hobby, or a creative outlet!
Wean yourself off him by looking at some other dudes. Get in-touch with your friends and family; and keep your mind preoccupied with other forms of intellectual-stimulation. Avoid porn! Read a few best-sellers, start a house-garden, do grocery shopping for grandmother, and call your mum. She told me to tell you that! Just kidding!
Don't feed obsessions, it's a nasty habit. Fight it with all your might! They go-away. You just don't like the idea of this guy brushing you off. How dare he! A year and a half is too long. Stop it!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 August 2020):
What is the best way?
Stop "stalking" him. If he shows up on the dating app, move past him. You already know he isn't going to want anything to do with you. You "rejected him" first so now you are just not someone he wants anything to do with. Maybe he felt like you wasted his time once, so why bother with you ever again? And it makes sense.
Remove him from Instagram and remove yourself from HIS.
You are stuck on this guy, because IN YOUR HEAD he is this amazing guy, the one that "got away" .... but he really isn't. He is the guy that WOULDN'T do a "rain-check" and change the day/time to SUIT your schedule. So really? My guess is he was just looking for something VERY casual.
He might LOOK good, but that doesn't mean he IS good. And Instagram is NOT reality.
ACCEPT that THIS ONE guy isn't interested so move on and find someone who IS. Don't waste your time on this one.
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