A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I was married for 16 years to a man who in general treated me well but ultimately chose to cheat on me throughout the marriage. We are divorced now. I went on a dating site and met a man who was very intersted in me. Everything happened very fast and we had an instant connection. He would send me dozens of texts telling me how great I was and showed up three times ( he lives an hour away) just to surprise me and give me flowers and make me smile. I felt like a princess, he even met my friends and talked about a life with me. Well, now he tells me that he wants to take things slower and really get to know each other better before getting serious. He has been super busy with work and has his kids this week and I have hardly talked to him. . Should I be worried that he's done or is this just him needing time to figure something out. I'm so new to this and very confused and frusterated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): Deema mentioned a book called "The Rules" I have also heard similar advice in "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Sometimes men after getting involved with someone need some time to step back and reasert their individualality. Once this is done I'm sure he will come back to you with the same level of intimacy as before.
A
female
reader, Deema  +, writes (18 May 2008):
 Doesn't matter how old we are, we still get very confused when men cool off don't we? There's a very good book called 'TheRules' and it explains a lot about men doing this and it says we should never chase them, but leave them to figure out whatever it is they are trying to figure out and that they will come back to you if you give them that space. Its very difficult I know cus the messages they give out in the first place are so great, and like you said you feel like a princess, and then bam, they pull away. But he sounds like he's very busy with his kids, job, new relationship, etc etc, and he may be feeling overwhelmed. if you push that may push him right over the edge. Give him the space, then get on with making your own life as good as you can - as the Rules says, women are not an empty vessel waiting for a man to fill them up - need to remember that myself sometimes - and its true. For some reason as soon as we get into a relationship we start fitting ourselves round them, getting dependent on them, when we were very independent before, I just don't get it in myself when I do that either. But we do. And we have to learn to not do, to just get on with our own lives and not make them the centre of it. They respect us a lot more then. Anyway like I said, give him his space, then if he comes back, it will because he really wants to, not because you pressured him, and if he doesn't ........... you got your answer anyway. Good luck hun. Men are wierd, the more you ignore them the better they like it, they love to be the chasers. So back off and then let him chase you. Lotsaluv.x
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (18 May 2008):
 I wouldnt be worried. He too is probably just scared of getting hurt and wants to make sure that his decisions in getting involved are right. I met my boyfriend online and with us too, things went REALLY fast in the first month, then he too backed off a bit and decided that we needed to tone things down a little until we really got to know each other. It was the best decision we ever made. 10 years on and we are still together!
We were both swept off our feet but ultimately we both needed time to make sure that if we were gonna do this, that we wanted to make sure that our feelings were true and that it wasnt just a passing mood. Dont rush things! Take things extra slow the second time round.
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (18 May 2008):
 Its hard to read men (or women) when they want to suddenly slow it down and its natural for you to feel as though he is regretting it. It could just be that he is overwhelmed with the feelings that he has for you so quickly and wants to avoid making a mistake that could hurt you both. Just allow him a little space especially when he's got his kids so that he knows you understand that sometimes other priorities come first. My sis had this with a bloke she met off the internet, almost identical to your situation, and thought it was over, a year later they have moved in together and are planning to get married in the next two years so you never know!! Good luck x x
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