A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:HiMaybe i shouldn't even bother trying to analyse this but..Me and my ex had a row the other night, and he grabbed me and pinned me up against a cupboard. I fought him off, and got him out the house. My children and his child were in the house at the time, and i ended up calling the police. I dont ever want to see him again, and am glad he's history.Anyway, this is the bit i want to figure out. This morning he went to a car boot sale, where he knew my mum and her boyfriend was going be selling. And blatantly walked up to her and said " I would like to straghten a few things out" Then proceeded to feed her a load of rubbish about the other night, she then proceeded to explain to him why she doesn't think we are suited and how i spent 10 yrs with someone, without so mch as a crossed word, and that i need someone more stable, and that his life is just way too complicated for me, it sent me mad.I had to put the phone down on her because i was amazed that she even took the time to speak to him! As if the other night wasn't enough to say why we shouldnt be together! If it was my daughter he had done it to and in front of my grandson, i wouldn't want to even look at him!She said she was caught off guard, couldn't believe he would actually even casually walk up to her and start talking! She said he had his daughter with him, so she couldn't tell him where to go, but my mms boyfriend saved her by suggesting she go look round the car boot, and she walked off. Praying to god he didn't follow her.I dont get why he would think he could have something she would possibly want to hear! After what happened the other night. What kind of guy is he?I am aware enough to know that he is a manipulator, but why would someone play games like that? Its not like he was particularly close to my mum, i had only been with him just over a year. Its almost as if he is so convinced i am wrong and even my family will think so?Sorry to rant, i am still shell shocked i think! And peeved off.
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male
reader, PeterPan  +, writes (19 May 2008):
 This might be completely wrong, so please take it with a grain of salt...
It's been my experience (for a completely different reason) that some people will seek justifications for their actions (good or bad) by trying to sway the opinions of others to their side. Do see what I mean? Let's say this ex had some kind of influence over your mother; if he could get her on his side, then there are two possible results: (a) he's gained an annoying comment coming from somebody other than himself (possibly just to be annoying) and (b) he feels more justified in his behavior.
What can you do about it? Tell him to stay away from your family (if you even speak to him again) and make him powerless be ignoring him. It might also work to have your friends and family on alert to do the same thing. Cut off his audience and he'll have nobody to take his side.
Hope that helped some...
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