A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:so me and my boyfriend have been together for some time now. I love him to death and he loves me too. when we first got together I knew that him moving back to florida in january was an option. but he just told me a couple of days ago he's going back in less then a month. he already signed outta school and all he needs to do now is sell his car and he can leave. I'm so upset over all this, its honestly all I think about. he wants to stay together and I know long distance relationships like never work out and I love him to death and I'm with him every minute I can be. I just don't know how its going to work. I told him ill stay with him too, and he's realllly happy about that. I'm just so scared he's gonna find someone else, or cheat on me and ill never know. he doesn't really seem sad about leaving me, and it kinda hurts me. I wanna be with him forever and I know I love him becasue if I didn't I wouldn't be so upset over this. he's like my life and I seriously don't know what I'm gonna do with myself when he leaves becasue he's my best friend and pretty much my only friend. I mean I have tons of friends, but there just friends, I have no one close to me like he is. every time I think about him leaving I start crying. my mom told me I can go see him winter break, and I'm so excited for that, but I mean that's like 3 months away. and thas suchh a long time.he told me part of the reason he's going down there is casue he has a better chance at getting a job, and he told me when he's there he's gonna get a full time job, which is good casue at least he's doing something. but all his friends down there smoke and drink and when he drinks he gets drunk to the point he doenst know. and that scares me. like the other day he called me and he didn't evne know he did that. so how is he suppose to know if he cheats on me or not? that's waht scares me and I know how girls are, they don't care if he has a girlfriend, if they want him, they will get with him. he claims he can't get a girl and he's not attractive but I don't think that's true at all.has anyone ever been through this. or does anyone have any advice for me. I'm going through a tough time and I need some advice on ldr and dealing with this situation :/
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female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (16 September 2010):
 Correction, LDRs do work if both people are good candidates for a LDR. The require a lot of effort as far as communication goes, traveling to see one another when there's a break, and most of all trust. Remember it takes 2 to cheat. Has this guy ever given you a reason not to trust him? Or are you thinking like this due to your past relationship history? How many hours to get to his current location?
Communication is all you have and when that starts to fail then the relationship is a good as dead. Think about it, you can't see, kiss, or touch that person so all you have left is to hear and talk. You can also use skype or yahoo messenger to video chat. Traveling when permitted is pertinent, split the cost of airfare or he can give you gas $ to drive down there or vice versa. You gotta have have 100% trust in him otherwise you will be always thinking what if and driving yourself up the wall wanting to know where he is every minute of the day. Lastly, both parties have to put in equal effort. It can never be one-sided or one puts in more effort than the other. Given some situations where he may be busy with work (depending on his job) but it only takes 1 minute to send a text saying "hey". Same goes for you.
So you need to decide if you can handle the distance, you're going to have to focus on you, hang out with more of your friends, and get some hobbies. And if he's a good candidate for it. Do you think he'll put in the effort to talk to you daily, shell out half for airfare, or travel to you? Can you trust him 100%?
Do you think he'll behave when out drinking with friends? If he gets drunk to the point of no return, then he needs to not drink. Take what I said into consideration, really ask yourself these questions and come up with answers.
I will say not everyone is cut out for a LDR. Yes, they are hard starting out because they lack so much, but you make up for it in other areas and make the best of the given situation. Lastly, they don't last forever eventually one or the other has to cave and move in together.
Note: I'm 25 and have had 3 LDRs, and married the last one. :)
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