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The love of my life is married to a monster! Do I help or step back?

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 April 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 7 April 2010)
A male South Africa age 30-35, *iam@sa writes:

hi i have been with the love of my life for five years this year and we have become so close over the five years. We have been through alot, including a near death experience where she was nearly kidnapped. she is married and has two amazing small kids who i love and they love me too. the husband is an absolute jerk,he is a perverted,rude,ugly,mean,demeaning and abusive bastard. i suggested to her that she gets divorced from this abusive man who is also a narcissist (which makes it even harder for her to get out),she is currently in talks with a lawyer to help her get out. so she reckons that we stop seeing each other until after the divorce proceedings but im too worried about her and the kids. do i stop seeing her and risk losing her and the kids forever? like i said, we are very close and i love the three of them even more than my own blood,the husband snaps at anytime and hits and throws stuff in the house and he is going to injure one of them one day and i want to be there to help and support them. so do i stand back and let god take care of them or has god given me a role in their lives to help them. i dont want to jeopardize the divorce cause i want her and the kids to be as far away as possible from that monster. is there anything i can do to help her without the husband finding out about our relationship?

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A male reader, Liam@sa South Africa +, writes (7 April 2010):

Liam@sa is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanks for the reply but she is alone and has no one to confide in or trust, she has been through alot of psychological pain,her shrink doesnt even believe how she has stood through all of these years,almost 20years. she is very sensitive and i think she needs the support cause her family and friends dont know what quality of life she is living.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (7 April 2010):

TimmD agony auntIf she is serious about getting a divorce, then take Laura's advice. Stay away and do what she says.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (7 April 2010):

Laura1318 agony auntJust listen to her and do as she says. If you go there, you would complicate matters and may even cause more problems to her.

Don't worry about the kids. No sane father would want to hurt them.

She does not need your help now and you only need to stand bye when she calls.

It is to your advantage to stay away because you could be accused for something which you may not like.

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