A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am really starting to doubt the girl been seeing. We used to hang out a lot, but now all she wants to do is hang out with her friends on weekends and stuff. She never asks me if I want to come and I have never met any of her friends. It seems like if I want to make plans she kind of avoids me until she finds out what her friends are doing and then might come over if nothing is apparently going on. She also hasnt slept with me in almost two weeks even though I have seen her a couple times and even spent the night at her house. She says it's because she has gained a little weight and isnt feeling comofortable with her body but even when I feel like crap I'm still down to have sex. I always put in a lot of effort trying to do nice things for her and take her on nice dates and she doesnt really do anything out of her way for me. I care about her a lot and we usually have an awesome time together when we do hang out, I just dont know what's going on and if anyone has any ideas or advice it would greatly be appreciated. Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): Well good for you. I am averse to those social web sites and text messages for dealing with relationship issues however. I would have told her in person, but hey that's me.
I agree you don't need this, if she isn't going to treat you with respect then I think she is just playing around...
Start dating some other girls and let her hear about it...it's a game, but sometimes a game like this is a good one.
Good Luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe isnt my girlfriend, even though we have (or were) having sex, talking every single day multiple times and goign out on dates she turned me down 3 times.
If i called im sure she wouldnt answer so I didnt bother, I never returned her text message either however I did sent her a message on her myspace page
"It seems to me that you think I'm just gonna stick around no matter how you treat me. I am not. The bad outweighs the good, and no matter how much I wanted work things out they never will because you really don't want them to."
so thats about that I'm sure she'll call me after this and try to feed my some story about what happened, but really with everything that's going on and the fact she didnt even bother to call and tell me nor tell me until 12:30 is just not tolerable. I've given too much effort to continually be disregarded.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): Why the hell don't you call her, I think a text message like this is unacceptable considering she is your girlfriend, she can't pick up the phone and tell you the long story?
Break up with her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNice turn of events,
I called her around 9:45 am no answer.....
then again at 11:45am no answer.......
I get a text message at 12:30
"I am so so so sorry but I can't hang out today. Long story but please dont hate me babe :( I promise you I will sooooo make it up to you"
this blows.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I would just relax and have a good time with her. And the issue you seem to be having with her is that she doesn't include you in her social outings and she is going too frequently. The next time she does that tell her how you feel about it in a non accusatory tone, let her see it concerns you that you want to be included or you would like the two of you to go out and do something other than going to a bar....start coming up with some planned activities a week ahead of time....women like guys with a plan.....don't know if you do that all the time or not, but it sounds like she wants to be social butterfly so you start planning some social events to include you, too....see what happens.
The great way to get your issues out is just to sit down together and talk....at a time when you are not too tired too busy or too stressed....and seek first to understand her and not judge her...give her the benefit of the doubt first and go from there.
Hope that helps.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe called me last night when she got home from the bar and we actually had an hour and a half conversation without fighting (we have been fighting pretty frequently lately) She also text messaged me this morning when she woke up, so apparently I am on her mind. I think pulling back from her a bit and giving her space is a good idea. I feel like im trying to hard and that it's pushing her away. Hopefully with me pulling back she will come to me.She told me last night about guys hitting on her and trying to get her number and stuff, so I know she's open and honest about that. We're supposed to go have a picnic tomorrow and talk things out. I am wondering if I should try to have the dramatic conversation with her about all my issues with her and I want to hear hers with me so we can both work on them, or just relax and have a nice time with her, or just kind of wing it and see how the day goes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I think it is time to back off and let her take her space, don't do any nice little things for her, pull back and see if she comes forward.
It sounds to me like she probably isn't seeing someone at least not yet, but may be unsure of what she wants in this relationship or may feel that you are not really serious about a future with her. Do you guys talk about these things?
It seems that she is taking you for granted and feels secure enough in your relationship that you aren't going any where. Maybe let her know how you feel about her going out all of the time without you, she doesn't need a girls weekend every weekend, she sounds like too much of a party girl to be serious with her....if this is what she likes to do it probably won't change.
A guy I know divorced his wife because this is what she continued to do after they were married, he wanted a wife, she wanted to party and dance and go out with her girlfriends and expected him to be happy about it.
You may be seeing that you two are not compatible if she doesn't change her behavior after you tell her how you feel about it.....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): Im the same age and do the same thing with my boyfriend. He is always the one there for me, but sometimes you need a girls night. She probably is flirting and checking other guys out which is why you aren't invited, but probably NOT cheating. She's making sure that you are the one she wants since at this age if it gets serious it could actually lead somewhere and no one wants to get stuck in the wrong relationship. Its a confidence booster to be noticed by other guys, even if you have no intention of acting on it. Also the only time I want to have sex and actually enjoy it is when Im feeling confident and sexy. If she is insecure about her body, it makes sense that she doesnt want to do it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI doubt she is seeing anyone else because of reasons I dont really care to get into. I try to do nice things for her all the time, is it possible I am trying to hard? Is that a turn off for females?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I think all these signs sound like little red flags. Is it possible that she is seeing someone else? If I were you I would do a little investigating before I put anything else into this relationship. I'm sorry to put this so bluntly. I wish you luck.............J
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