A
male
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anonymous
writes:My wife and I have been married a little over a year and we have been together for 5 years. I love my wife but i'm forseeing problems that I don't know we can help. Everyone has their hangups. Not flushing the toilet sometimes, being a little messy, a little too picky, you know that kind of stuff. I was ready for all that. I'm having problems with my wifes mental state. She is not going crazy or anything, but she has some learning disabilities. I knew along time ago she was like that and I understood that some things in life would "elude" her. But some things make it hard not to get upset with her about. One thing is she is constantly writing on the computer. That part is fine. The part thats really starting to get on my nerves is she is litterally every minute or two asking me how to spell something. And not just a lot of different words, often she will ask me how to spell the same thing several times if she wants to use the same word again. Look I know this sounds petty. But it is not the only thing. I'm no angel either I know. Even though I knew she was learning disabled I didn't expect her to need so much help from me about everyday things. Part of the reason I fell for her is that she was pretty self sufficient. What I want to know is if there is anyone else out there in a similar situation who can give me advice on how to deal. And please don't say suck it up. Walk in my shoes first before you judge.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2011): macspeech dictate or dragon solfware you speech and it will write it down or leave the subtitles on the TV I find that my reading improves and my spelling when the subtitles are on. Good luck with the kids and for god sake leave the subtitles on for the kids. hope this help's
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): I'm a terrible speller, so I often just google words (e.g. "Define potatoe") 9 times out of 10 it will find the right word. If I'm so far off it can't, I just try a few different spellings. I sometimes leave a link to google open while I'm writing just for this pourpose, er purpose.
I guess I'd try to view this as something you can work on to help her become more independent. It's probably what you both want? (I'm assuming she hasn't developed a need for excessive amounts of ttention, and this is her way of getting it)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2011): Tell her how you feel. Maybe she doesn't even know she has this disability. Who better than you to tell her she has a problem. If you have already told her her problem, then you need to let her know that it really bothers you. good luck..
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Has she been checked for Attention Deficit Disorder ? What you mention is rather typical of adults with ADD, they may be very intelligent, functional, productive etc. but they will get stuck on some things and will have to ask you the same spelling, or the same tabletime, etc. again and again. They understand, process and use the info you give them- but it's like after that they can't or won't "own " it and store it away for future reference. This may be vey frustrating . Luckily there are programs, specialized help and self help books to cope efficiently with this problem.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, it's worse than just dislexia. She will ask me how to spell, lets say, the word "understand". I will say sound it out. Then when she tries to spell it back to me she says something like "E-n-s-i-n-g?". This isn't even close. Her disability is way worse then dislexia. Now look. I am not about to let something like this mess up my marraige. I am in love with my wife. But I think I may need to get her into a program for people with these type of problems as an adult. It's like her brain is moving too fast for her to concentrate or something. Often when she is speaking she makes those mistakes. Like a common one for her is when she tries to say "Dale Earnhardt JR." she always says "Dale Hart Jr." Everytime, she always says it the same way no matter how many times I correct her. I just used that as an example, that one doesnt really bother me. In fact it's kinda cute. But it's just one of many. I dont know, after writing on here about it I don't feel so bad. Maybe I just needed someone to tell that I am frustrated. Thanks for listening, errr uh reading.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Install spell check on your computer. It is really simple. Or buy her a dictionary. Or leave the room when she's typing.
She'll get by on her own, she got by without you before, and she can do it now. The only reason she keeps asking is because you keep answering, and it is convenient for her. But she'll manage fine if she can't ask you and has to look things up on her own. Dictionary.com is also a helpful site where you can check words and meanings.
As for the other little things that bother you, you just need to tackle them one problem at a time.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (16 August 2011):
 Learning difficulties or not, you are letting her rely on you too much. There are programs that help with dyslexia etc, and she must learn to be self sufficient. Teach her to use spell checker. I am bad with spellings, and find it much less hassle to just open up microsoft word and spell check everything that I need to be spelt correctly. I feel she is taking advantage of you being there too much, when she doesn't need to. You love her, but you are not her human spell checker.
This is not something to get angry about however. Next time she asks you to spell a word, sit next to her and say "honey, I'm going to show you an easy way to check everything so you don't need to ask me all the time. It must get annoying and tiring for you". Then show her how to use spell check.
If she already knows but would rather ask you instead, you need to say, "honey, I love you, but it is getting on my nerves that you ask me to spell words when I know you know how to use spell checker. It's only a little thing honey, but I have things I need to do, and it would make me happy if you could check your spellings on your own. I don't helping you if you are really stuck, but not for spellings when you can use the computer to do that."
You have to communicate and stand up for yourself.
Perhaps if she has a problem with spell check on a computer, you could write her a list of her most common words that she can't spell. That way she doesn't have to ask, and they are right there handy for her. Problem solved.
Good luck.
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