A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hey,I'm 22 and i really like this girl. We have been seeing each other for about a month and half. I made the mistake of asking her to be my girlfriend after only 3 weeks when her heart is still broke over a lad. She's so the person i been looking for because shes funny, smart, pretty and most of all understands me and has time for me which is what i like most about her. Here is the problem. She split up with her ex 9 months ago (of 2years) and he moved in with another girl soon after and got her pregnant and didn't give a dam about the girl I'm seeing. She told me that she still love's him even after all the stuff he put her through which i wont mention but its really bad like cheating and kissing her best mate infront of her face!!. Well now he's trying to get back on the scene again, txting her saying can i see you tonight when hes still with this other girl. I've confronted her about it but don't really ever get a straight answer and she dont like talking about him. I dont want to just feel like i'm a replacement for a while. I don't really know what to do, should i just accept it and if she see's him show a blind eye bearing in mind if i do, its only right that i see other people to isn't it, which i would really hate to do, or just forget about this girl and except that she might never ever feel anything more for me than just sex when i want so much more than that. I really don't no what to do i love spending time with this girl so much but surly i shouldn't have to feel the need to stand by and watch this lad take her over again, brake her down, use her and make her feel really low about her self like he used to. Her head is messed up because of him but she shouldn't wait around should she because he didn't, i no exactly what he wants, just one thing because if he didn't he would be with her and not with the girl he's living with now. This girl is so amazing she's not like any girl i no, and i never got on with any girl or even talked to a girl like i do her its like were mates as well so bear that in mind please and understand that the last thing i want to do is leave her but im so tierd of this drama.If any one can help me i thank you and anything i could say to her to finally get this sorted out.
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her ex, kissing, moved in, split up Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhay its me,Well 1st off i would like to point out that the message you see below me that starts with: This girl is emotionally confused, is the actual girl im talking about, yep she invaded my privacey and added an answer. well any way heres how it turned out: we met up last night at the local pub, we were talking and that as usual anyway a few drinks later i pluck up the gutts to say what is happening between us and did you meet ur ex, it turns out she met him last thursday and she said she doesent want to see me for 2 weeks, so she came back 2mine we had sex and then after i told her some home truths it was horrible but f it. i said i bet ur ex is lying right next to his girlfriend just like we are now and probably puting the kid to bed. she went mad, she got her stuff and left mine at half 2 in the morning, snd then i sent her some horrible txt's. yep im a fool i no but atleast i admit it. she just really got me screwed up and i needed to let it out. im a proper health freak n dis morning i had a chip sandwich n chocolate bar and im turning back to drink and no its not the answer but it will help me get fruw this 2day and and maybe for da week. i just dont care anymore because no one else does!! i thank you all for your advise. cya all
and as my dad says im going down the f,ing pub!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): This girl is emotionally confused, and still obviously hurting...she doesnt know what she wants.
But she needs to get over him herself. Are you sure shes still in contact with her ex? maybe he just wont let her go. She needs to find the strengh to be strong and let him go. Theres a big chance your going to get your heart broken. She maybe just needs to be on her own. Get out of this for your own sake.she is messed up.she maybe doesnt like being treated so nice, she is maybe used to having it rough, she probly likes it that way.
Best wishesx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): What is going on here!! U shouldn't be 2nd best to any girl. if she wants to be mentally and emotionally abused by this guy then i would let her. But why in the hell is she still seeing this man/player. When he is with this other girl now, sleeping with her and probably acting normal towards her. does the girl you are dating think for one minute that if she got back with the player things would change, ha! no way in a million. I had the same treatment from 2 men, like one of the answers say they never ever change only for the first few months that's all. so my answer is this: wait for awhile and if she continues contact with him then you go and find some one that will actually apreshated a nice guy, there's only few out there. such a nice thing that your sticking by but why be the fool and let this man take the mick out of you. thats if he even knows about you. so just wait a month or 2 and see what happens and if he's still texting she is probably meeting up with him. try to keep busy in the process.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007): This girl still wants to be emotionally abused for a few more years. You don't have to like it, but this is the reality of the situation.
Realize that by being the nicer guy, you are helping continue this. She gets half of what she needs from him and the other half from you. If you were the pull away then she would be forced to try to be satisfied with just him again.
If she's not really over him and into you, then LEAVE HER RIGHT NOW. You cannot ever come out truly on top of her list any other way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): You sound like a very sweet guy and its nice to see that sum men still do actually care about woman loll. let me tell you a little story: i am a 28 year old woman and i was in the same situation. i split up with my partner after 3years and i met a really nice guy like how you seem. he was there for me and treated me like i was a princess. i was 21 back then anyway i ended up braking this sweet guys hart by getting back with my ex. sure everything was fine again at the start but 3 months later he was back to his old tricks again with the girl after me, he had the other girl were i usto be we sort of switched places. so i dump ted him again and try to get back with the nice guy but he moved on and when i saw him up town with another girl. she looked so happy with him, laffing smiling just how i usto be!! i went home and cry 4 a week. but its my own fault i finally had a chance to be happy and blew it 4 a bum. anyway so sure she says she loves the bloke. But she isn't IN LOVE WITH HIM. But i agree with the other 2 answers as well i think you should let her apresheate what you have brought into her life and i no it mite be hard to step back just a little bit but you need too. Don't let her think she has the upper hand and that you will always be there for her.
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A
female
reader, rockelle  +, writes (28 November 2007):
 This girl sounds like she isn't completely over this other guy and she is using you to help her mend a broken heart. Needless, to say that bringing you into her complicated situation did not help a bit. If I were you I would seriously consider taking some time away from her. Give her the chance to miss you and appreciate what you brought into her life and stop dwelling on the past. If she doesn't get it together she is not ready to move on. It is very nice that you care about her and do not want to see her get hurt but you have to take into consideration what is on the line here, and that is your heart. If she can not find it in her to tell this guy to back off she has moved on then there is only one thing left for you to do.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2007): I really feel for you. You're in a tough situation. I think you should tell her she needs to choose between you and her ex. Tell her she needs to cut all contact with her ex - don't pick up his calls, don't even read his texts, avoid seeing him in person, etc. Remind her of all the bad things he did to her, and remind her that you haven't put her through any of that. Then make her decide. If you find out she does it behind your back, just end it.I really hope it doesn't come to that, so good luck. I hope you keep us updated on what happens.
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A
female
reader, calamitysil +, writes (28 November 2007):
 It's pretty clear she's not over this other bloke yet, and she ended on the rebound with you to make herself feel better. I would step away from the relationship a bit and see what happens. Don't make yourself available to all her calls. Make it clear that you're not pollyfilla, or a go-between, and she needs to decide to either commit to you or go back to this bloke. It's very unfair to you! If things don't change and she continues contact with him, then start making yourself completely unavailable, no longer take her calls, texts or meet up with her and find yourself someone who's completely available to you.
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