A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:The infamous “I have a crush on my teacher” post has once again graced the pages of this website, but I assure you, this post is quite different, and again, you probably have heard this many times before. I’m sorry if I’m wasting the time of the agony aunts here, but I’m not writing to seek for advice, but more so hoping to vent, pour out all the feelings that I’ve bottled up inside. If you would be so kind to offer me a few words of consolidation, I thank you, but if you want to scold me and lecture me on my foolish feelings for this man, then I also thank you for your time, but I hope for you to not waste your time doing so, because I, myself, know how foolish my feelings are. But who can help what they feel? Who can choose the person they love? Who can control their emotions? If you can, then I applaud you, because I surely cannot. I am only human after all; a person subject to the troubles of human affection. But I do sincerely thank you for reading this post and for letting me share my troubles with you. So who is this man that is the basis of all my troubles? He is, as you already know, a teacher of mine, but to my demise, not only is he my teacher, he’s 52 years old and obviously married. I do not wish to intrude upon his happy family. As a matter of fact, I wish them nothing but happiness for the future. I truly love this man and want nothing but for his happiness. But why? Why do I have to pay such a high price for such a small request? My heart aches everyday at the thought of never being able to see him again. The pain is unbearable when I think of how much he loves his wife and how little he cares for me. I know I am not entitled to ask for his affection, but like I said, I am only human after all, what else can I do? I can’t help what I feel, but I know I must not act on those feelings, because they can land us both into trouble. Truthfully, I do not care how society looks upon me. I never was subjected to conformity; I never cared what they would think of me. But it’s not my own consequences that I fear; I only fear for his. I don’t want his career to collapse, and I certainly don’t want the public eye to view him under that light. He is much greater and deserves much more respect. I know that nothing can ever happen between us, even with his consent, so I just hope to wish him and his family the best. All I want is for his happiness, but I can’t help but hurt inside. I don’t know how to rid myself of this pain. Every minute, every second, my mind is plagued with his image and I can’t seem to escape from it. No matter how hard I try to humor myself with other things, I just can’t seem to forget him. He dwells there, deep inside my thoughts, just ready to come out when silence falls around me and I have nothing else to distract my thoughts from him. I try each day to plan as full a day as I can, leaving almost no time for myself to breath, just so I can allow as little time as possible for my mind to wander endlessly in a fantasy about him that I can never fulfill. I know it is foolish but I am helpless at what fate had compelled. Fate had arranged for us to meet, but why at this point in our lives? Could it not wait until I am much older and more mature in thought, so that I can guard myself against these unwanted feelings towards a person that I am forbidden to harbor such feelings?I know most of you agony aunts out there are probably rolling you eyes at me, thinking that I am just another one of those silly girls forming a silly crush on their teacher that will eventually dwindle through time. I, too, thought that; I believed that I was just going through a phase that all school girls go through, a phase of lusting after the ever so charming and funny teacher. I tried, with no avail, to convince myself that all I had for this man is just pure infatuation. I thought that I was just attracted to his maturity and authority, but as much as I do try to deceive myself, I just can’t. I know most of you assume that it is just pure infatuation, but I implore you to please believe me. I really do, and honestly with every ounce of sincerity, love this man. I may be too young and naive to know what true love is, but to me, at this point in time, this is the closest thing to love. If true love is deeper than this then I don’t know how I can deal with the future pains. I love him so much that even I frighten myself at how much affection I hold for this man. I love him to the extent that I would be content just to know that I hold a small spot in his heart, no matter how little. I would be willing to share his affection with a million other women if I had to. I would be happy just knowing that for a short period of his life, I was of some significance to him, even if it were for only one second. I would be thrilled just to know that I had once crossed his thoughts, no matter how many other women occupied his mind before me. I would be ecstatic just to know that, even for a split second, he had truly loved me, even if his love for another woman is greater. If it can happen, I would truly be content to just have an ounce of his love, no matter how little, but I know that I never had and never will, so all I can do now is vouch for his happiness. As long as he can continue teaching and pass on his valuable knowledge to students and that his family is safe and happy with him, then I’m content. I don’t need to build a relationship with him; I don’t need to be with him constantly; I don’t need a confession of love from him; I don’t need a happily ever after with him; I don’t need the fairytale ending. All I ever ask for is just simply for his happiness. I truly hope him and his family the best, and may they always remain a happy family. Sadly I am no part of that family portrait, but that’s ok. Sometimes, when you truly care for someone, you have to learn to let them go. I hope that after today, after venting all my feelings, that I can finally let him go. I thank all the agony that have wasted their valuable time reading my pointless, and ever so long post. Your kindness is greatly appreciated. I know you have been sick of these endless posts about students crushing on their teachers, and that this post must have been yet another one that annoyed you, so I really honestly thank you for taking you time to read this. I just felt so helpless, so empty and unable to fill the void that I feel, therefore I was compelled to write and pour out all that I have bottled up. I desperately needed someone to lend me their ears and listen to me vent, but this is a secret that I hold deep inside my heart that I can reveal to no one, not even the closest of friends, therefore I find it a need to vent to someone who will not reprimand me for my silly thoughts. Again, thank you, it really did help me to let all this out. What I have bottled up inside was eating away at me and I had no way to escape its wrath. But now that it’s all out I feel much better. I will not waste any more of your valuable time and let you be on your way to helping other people with their dilemmas.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 June 2008):
 You know why we older people so often take young people like you not serious? Because we been young ourselves and remember how certain we were back then of all our emotions.
Maybe you are different. Maybe you are not just another teen girl with a crush who thinks she is the new Juliet and the heavens themselve weap for her lost love.
But you can't blaim people who have been through what you have been through to feel a little bit jaded. If you still feel the same when you are 20, well then you can come back and make us all look like fools for not seeing the depth of your love.
Part of growing up is learning how to deal with feelings of love and lust. If a girl is smart she will test these feelings out on someone who she knows is safe. Lots of girls use their fathers for this. Practicing on him what it means to be a wife someday.
If a father is not available or not safe then any father figure will do. You picked a man who is far beyond your age and obviously happily married. While HE is not the right the guy for you younger version of him... well you know that the old guy is faithful and trustworthy and desires a long-lasting relationship. Exactly what you want for a future partner you can have?
So you can safely have all these new feelings without risking anything.
Well apart from losts of heartache but compared to what you would go through if you had used a man who was NOT safe for this crush/first love.
I am not denying the strength of your feelings, just saying that in time you will find someone who is available and then you might just find that what you feel right now is NOTHING compared to real love for your partner.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): Sorry babes your feeling so bad, Hugs and kisses to you.
You have strong feelings for your teacher, that's ok. I can understand your need just to talk about him. It's alright to love your teacher as long as you do nothing about it.
People fall in love all the time, and they also fall out of love too. People fall in love with unavailable people and unfortunately they just have to deal with the heartache and pain anyway they can. If it's helped you to talk, then I am glad. Take care of you, and I promise you things will eventually become easier.
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A
female
reader, nicole5178 +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Well, quite contrary to the introduction, I found your story very much the same as all of the others on this site. I also would like to contend that if you really were happy for his happiness, you would not be in agony over your feelings... you would be just happy. So it might be better if you stopped the denial and tried to deal with the problem at hand: you love him and want him for yourself, which is obviously the truth if you are wishing he would think of you in the way he thinks of his wife.
I do thank you, though, for at least using proper grammar in your article. Too many times I've been forced to respond to "luv my teachr plz help" posts. It was really much appreciated.
Best wishes to you in your endeavor to overcome your feelings for him. Hopefully you'll meet someone else someday who you realize was meant for you and completes you far better than your teacher ever could. I think that's really the only way to fully leave the past behind.
Take care, Nicole.
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