A
male
age
41-50,
*ortimer
writes:HELP!!So my girlfriend and I have some new "roomates" moving in with us. My gf's 24yr old sis and her 4yr old daughter. Her sis has had a rough divorce recently and is struggling financially. Without even asking me she insisted that her sis move in with us. I think she did so innocently and out of kindness but once the offer was made it's really to late to take it back. Both her and I are (after discussing) irritated with the idea now and she they haven't even moved in yet. I'm concerned on many levels but mostly that this will have a negative impact on our relationship. Also having a 4yr old arround the house is BIG responsibility. I'm worried that we'll be the default babysitter anytime she goes out. Somebody help me get out of this!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): To make this work, I recommend to have a talk with your girlfriend about what you two are willing to put up with, and what you´re not. And talk to your sister in law, from day one, to avoid unnecessary strain. She is getting help, not a hotel room and free sitting to go out.
But, most important, try to understand what she´s going through. When problems arise (and they will, as it happens every time people share a house) remember that you are the one who is in position to help, and she´s the one who needs in help, who is strained, and alone with a child. Patience... and good luck!
A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Well mate, you will sure find out how strong your relationship is!
In any event, you couldnt really expect your girlfriend to turn down a family member in need. Make them feel welcome and encourage her to get back on her feet. Perhaps you could help try and find her a job? Obviously things will change if 6 months down the track she is still with you. But you should be able to put up with it for a couple or three months surely? It would earn some major brownie points for you as well.
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A
male
reader, dapone 1  +, writes (1 November 2007):
 Hello.
There is an old saying, that blood is thicker than water, loosely mean family above all, she should have discussed this with you, but maybe there was a time factor for an answer and she did not have time to discuss this with you,if you dont mind me saying you are acting very selfish about this event, all i see is a person who would rather see his future sister inlaw, and a four year old child walk the streets and more than likely have to live in a flee pit, damp, cold, and miserable existence, when you have a large warm house to live in, SHAME ON YOU,Four year old kids are great there full of life and talk like there is no tomorrow, this is a great thing to embrace.
if at 26 plus you are not able to cope with a four year old then what is going to happen when you have your own children, put them in the garage to sleep over night because you are not capable of looking after a child?.
Your girl friend was right to say yes to her sister, and yes it will be a bit inconvenient fore a while until she sorts herself out, but all you can do is consider yourself, instead of being a caring human being and doing the correct thing for two people in distress.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2007): Oh dear! What a balls-up. Does your girlfriend often engage her tongue before engaging her brain?
I guess you could set a time limit on her stay, and make a set of ground rules about babysitting and anything else you're concerned about, like her hogging the bathroom and doing the washing up or having stuff scattered all over the place etc. etc.
If your sister in law has any respect for you two she'll abide by any reasonable rules you make with regard to her stay, and she should be extremely grateful for your assistance at a tough time in her life.
If however she takes you for granted, stand up to her immediately and don't let any irritations fester. Clear the air ASAP.
Best of luck mate, you might need it.
Phil
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