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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hello looking for some advice. Me and my boyfriend have been together 4 years and i love him! The one problem is in the first year of our relationship i found out he watched porn .. at the time i wasent that bothered and gotover it but fot some reason latly its all i think about and its getting me down . I dont know if he still watvhes it but i hope not. It makes me feel sick that he could look at other woman that way and enjoy there bodys. I strongly dislike my body and ashamed of my flat chest so the thought of him watching someone with clearly bigger boobs than me really affects me . Its got so bad to the point that i dont want him to be home alone incase he watches it... and this could all be in my head as i dont even know if he is watching it. Please help.
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (23 January 2016):
ALL men look at porn at some time or another. While I think there are some who abuse it, as anything with short term rewards can be, it is rather pervasive.
Short of abuse, I do think women who have severe problems with this suffer from self esteem issues. Ergo, if you really felt you were better/better looking/sexier than the women on the computer, would it really bother you. Hell, you could be all of those things, and the guy could just be relatively harmlessly satisfying his need for novelty.
Ive watched porn before. When I have, I tell my wife, almost as a joke. I typically only do it when Im away from her for more than a day or two and need to release bc Im a horny bastard. She knows Id rather have her than any pixelated screen. Never an issue.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2016): I think maybe you are looking too much in to it. Every an I've been with, from the worst to the best, I can bet looks at porn.If you want to find a man that never looks at porn you'll have a pretty difficult task ahead of you.I'm a loyal woman who would never ever stray and even I've looked at porn from time to time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2016): Am i just looking to much into it? What hurts the most is i care cook and clean for him and to know he could be watching other naked woman makes me feel so unwanted i just feel like saying leave if im not good enough.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2016): I have bad self esteem issues and I hate the way I look but I have absolutely no idea why I have no problem with my partner watching porn. I actually watch it myself sometimes.Here's what I think when I watch it. I don't really focus on what they all look like in porn, I never watch it and think wow I wish my boyfriend looked like that. When I see men going down on women I think about how that feels when my boyfriend does those things to me. I just like watching people doing it I guess. Sorry if I sound a bit crude!After a while all the naked bodies just look all the same. I don't think people focus on every inch of the porn stars bodies but what they are doing. That's my opinion anyway. When I watch porn with my boyfriend he doesn't really like lesbian porn he likes seeing men doing things to women. So that suggests to me that if it were all about the women's bodies he would prefer to be watching all women but he doesn't.You don't say that he has an addiction to porn so I wouldn't worry. When people get addicted that's when you need to worry as it has a bad effect on their real sex life.As for my body issues I think that's more my problem than anybody elses. If your boyfriend didn't find you attractive he wouldn't be with you.
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (22 January 2016):
 I hate to clue you in on a little secret: guys look at porn. And I am willing to bet a paycheck that your boyfriend still looks at it.
Let's face it, we are all human and we get horny or just desire to view something different. I am sure if / when you make love to your boyfriend you aren't always thinking about him -- why do you hold him to a different standard?
People masturbate.... if you have religious qualms about it, then yes you probably have a right to walk.
But if you are expecting a man to be completely faithful in his head then I think you have some unreal expectations. Guys' sex drive is very high and especially in our younger years we think about it a lot.
That being said though, porn and masturbation can be a problem in a relationship. If his self gratification comes at the expense of you and your needs or becomes a preoccupation, then there is certainly reason for concern.
I think you have to come to grips that you can't control your boyfriend's thoughts nor his actions. The fact that he has been with you for 4 years should indicate where his best intentions lie.
Eddie
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