A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Lately, I've been feeling more distant from my boyfriend, and I'm not really sure why. Maybe you folks can give me some advice or things to think about.I first noticed it when my sex drive jumped off a cliff - historically, he and I have gotten busy about once a week, and I typically masturbate nightly to help myself sleep, but both of those activities have all but halted. I thought it was just the summer heat that was discouraging me from getting up close and personal, but I'm finding it difficult to get anything out of masturbation, either. No noticeable health problems on my end, and it's been a bit of a lazy summer, so I'm loath to attribute it to stress, which rules out some of the more obvious causes.Once my boyfriend began working (seriously cutting down on the number of hours I can spend with him in a day), this got compounded twofold: A) He doesn't have liberal phone/chat access at work, and when both of us get home, we tend to get on our computers and surf separately. I feel like I hardly talk to him anymore.B) I made some friends upon moving to our new city, and I've been much more excited about talking to/hanging out with them than I am about my own boyfriend. I think there's a novelty factor present (i.e. learning new things about people) that I enjoy about that, but even so - generally my boyfriend is with me when my friends and I hang out, and when we're all together I still prefer interacting with the others over him.To provide some background, my boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years now, and we're 22/23. He moved in with me at the beginning of the summer, and he will work while I attend graduate school. This has been a moderately serious relationship since the get-go, and I'm in no hurry to see what I have crumble - despite his flaws, he is a truly warm, caring individual, and I don't know where either of us would be now without the other's support over the duration of our relationship. I guess I really just need some pizzazz back in this relationship... To be totally honest, I don't look at him anymore and think he's oh-so-attractive like I used to, and for whatever reason, I'm just feeling out of tune with him lately. The honeymoon phase is finally over, I guess. What do I do now, agony aunts?
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at work, moved in, sex drive Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2012): Question asker here - I do take contraceptive pills, but I've been on them for a steady several years now, so I doubt that's behind the recent changes.
If I might ask, what do you mean by "cause chaos"?
A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (25 August 2012):
Have you recently begun taking a contraceptive pill or anti-depressant medication? These medications are known to decrease libido.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2012): I had this same problem recently, I was advised to cause chaos and as weird as it sounds, it really works. I read 50 shades of grey which gave me some new ideas to keep things crazy and I totally shock him which makes him try harder to make me happy and has made him being more romantic again. It makes me more in the mood when I feel closer to him so try to reconnect with him on an emotional level and all the sexy stuff with follow ;)
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