A
female
age
36-40,
*onfused.com?
writes:Help!!!..... ok what do I do? I recently started seeing somebody the only issue is he has a partner of 5 years already! I know this was wrong but our feelings just grew for each other and it became difficult to keep away. Everything was going great-ish but then his gf went through his phone and found some messages from me! So now knows about us… now he said he’s not sure if he wants to be with her anymore and there always arguing… I have still carried on seeing him although it’s been hard to sneak around and she always has his phone now! I told him yesterday that he needs to decide who he is going to be with either me or her because its never going to work with us if shes still there and the same if them to are giving it another go then it wont work whilst im still on scene… I was trying to do the right thing but now not sure what he’s going to do!!! And if I have done the right thing?? I don’t want to lose him but at the same time I couldn’t carry on right?????????? Please help and advice are much needed!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, confused.com? +, writes (3 July 2009):
confused.com? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i saw him and i ended it! he told me he was going to leave his gf to be with me but his nan is really ill she only has a few weeks to live (which s true) so its hard for him at the min cause he needs sum where new to live etc , i told him its really hard for me to and that he can call me when he has ended it with his gf but until then its over........... GOD I MISS HIM!!!! but been strong and hoping i did the right thing!
A
female
reader, confused.com? +, writes (1 July 2009):
confused.com? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell just to let you all know, i am seeing him tonight and im going to be strong and end it! :-/ thanks for all the advise!
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A
female
reader, confused.com? +, writes (1 July 2009):
confused.com? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi, thanks for the advice people, and as for the person that said im trying justify the affair.... im not at all i know what ive done is a bad thing and i am not proud of it at all!!! it is awful! but obviously you have never been in this situation its tough! and you dont have any right to judge im affraid! and also a big thanks to klara and rollercoasteride :-) i will keep you posted.
xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2009): you want us to condone your affair and YOU want to justify your affair with him. if it was over with his gf of 5 years he would be with you nd not her. stop sneaking around, it is rougish behaviour. excuses from him and from you. maybe you two cheaters deserve each other. confusion, what confusion.
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A
female
reader, confused.com? +, writes (30 June 2009):
confused.com? is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi,
thank you for your help in this... firstly can i just say i am a complete and utter cow for doing this in the first place i know!!!
i spoke to him today and he said at the min he is confused as his nans ill so finding everything hard... at first i thought aw bless him ok but now im thinking is this just a excuse to get away with it for abit longer?
please let me know your thoughts... i am thinking about telling him that me and him are over, this way if theres summt worht saveing with them then they can work on it and if he does want to be with me he will relise once im gone what has to be done!????
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A
female
reader, rollercoasterride +, writes (30 June 2009):
 Have you ever been in a 5 year relationship? Everyone in a relationship that long has so much history that noone outside the relationship will ever, EVER understand.They may be having problems but you, my dear, are probably the main one. I'm not trying to be harsh but you need to see that this man is terribly selfish and he'll compain about the arguments to you but do you realise that his talking to you in the first place/everything else you do together is going to be the CAUSE of some of the arguments he's telling you about?!If he's stringing things along with her he'll have his own reasons, and some of those reasons will almost certainly be his feelings for her. Does that make you feel special? Having a divided amount of his feelings? When there are plenty of good men out there who are single and waiting for the right girl to come along, there is absolutely no reason for you to be getting involved in their situation..Leave the scene. Let him come to you if it's you he chooses. He's known her for 5 years, so don't feel like if you leave him be, she'll talk him round or something. He knows their history, he knows her and he doesn't know you. In fact, put it this way. One main advantage you have over her in his decision is the air of mystery, so don't hassle him like she probably does, let him know you won't be posessive and give him time.And if you review your options and find something better in the meantime, and he comes to you saying he made the decision to leave, at least he'll get whats coming to him!
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A
male
reader, citic101  +, writes (30 June 2009):
 yes you have done the right thing , you cant put a price on self respect . You respect yourself put your happiness first
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