A
female
age
36-40,
*arah415
writes:I am 20 and my boyfriend is 21 years old and we have been dating for about a year now. We fell in love quickly and have casually discussed marrying once we both finish school, but are both aware it is not in the immediate future. We agree on most things, except he is positive that he doesn't want to have any children and i am positive that i would like to be a mother someday. He is wonderful with children but says he wants to devote his life to his wife, a career and being able to travel without worrying abut raising children. Should i continue dating him hoping that his view on children will change as he gets older, or should we break-up now (leaving both of us heartbroken) before we get even more attached to one another?
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fell in love, heartbroken, want children Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sarah415 +, writes (2 January 2008):
sarah415 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm siding more with Pete on this one. Maybe because it's more along the lines of what i wanted to hear, but the response also takes in account my and my boyfriend's ages. If we were both in approaching our thirties i would be more apt to take the advice of the other 2 responders. However, since my boyfriend and i are still young and focusing on our education and not starting a family currently, i am happy staying in a supportive relationship with him that at the least will help me get through rough times at college.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2007): Your boyfriend is only 21! Tons of guys that age aren't interested in having children yet. You need to have a conversation along the same lines as what you wrote in your message with him and see what he says. If he knows it has come to this, perhaps you will see a different side to him?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (26 December 2007):
 Don't hope that his feelings will change - will yours? I doubt it. Some people want children, some people don't - I'm sure if you devote your life to him and end up never having children, you will feel a big hole in your life, a major void. However, you don't want him to finally agree to have children but not really WANT them.
You want a man who is just as enthusiastic about the prospect of kids as you are. It will be very hard, but in this chase I think you both need to go your separate ways. All though you may want to stick it out because you care about each other - this issue will come up one of these days and it will be even MORE difficult then to deal with.
It really sucks, this situation, but I believe that you both will end up happier and fulfilled in life finding partners that want the same things as you do.
Sorry, sweetness!
xxIndia
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2007): I don't like to recommend breakups but I don't see this relationship working out. If you two were to continue together one of you would be miserable and end up blaming the other person for that misery. If you were to stay with him and not have kids you would feel like he was keeping you form being happy. If he were to stay with you and have kids he would resent the loss of freedom plus he would have to deal with a child he didn't want.
I honestly don't see this relationship as working out, I'm sorry.
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