A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i have been dating a guy now for bout 3 months,he says he loves me,but doesnt trust me as i have not had a good past.i do love him and would never go behind his back,i read a text on his phone from a girl he become friends with, before he met me,not sure what to think as he sent a text saying to her "keep in touch gorgeous," im not sure what to think as if that was me he would finish it with me its one rule for him and one rule for me,i asked him about it but he said he never meant anything by it now i'm not sure if i can trust him.do you think i'm being silly and forget about it or what.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2007): I'm not sure the text message is as bad as it may at first seem. It's a little worrying.
However, the key here is your alleged bad past; if it is purely a case of sleeping with a lot of men then its bullshit your past is your past and thats it. But if its a case of you have cheated or acted badly to previous partners then its something you have to convince a new partner you wont do and it will be hard especially if you live in a close community.
This relationship looks doomed as you both dont appear to trust each other, and all relationships are built on this fist and foremost.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2007): I guess it depends on what your bad past was. Did you have sex with 10 men or 100? Did you cheat on several different serious partners or a husband? Does your "bad" past not even have anything to do with sex or relationships? Did you gain someone's trust only to take advantage of them? Without knowing what your bad past was, I cannot even give any opinion of what I would think or should think. If you cannot talk about it, that is OK, but you are not likely to get any meaningful answers.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (3 October 2007):
 At the 3-month point, no one really knows anyone. Relationships take time. I don't know what was in your past that makes him feel this way, but if you continue seeing each other, it may disappear over time. Once he figures out that you do what you say you're going to do, and not something else, he will begin to relax. He is probably keeping his options open just in case you end up being a player. But later, I'm sure he'll stop texting other women and having them on a string. He just has to be sure you're 'the one' first. Give the relationship more time. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, catastrophic +, writes (3 October 2007):
 You are not being silly at all! Trust issues can be very complicated.
You need to tell him that you love him, and you wouldn't ever think about doing that to him.
Tell him to put himself in your situation, if you sent a message to another guy saying ''Keep in touch gorgeous!''
How would he feel?
To be honest he is jsut contradicting himself.
I've been there before, my mistake though was not talking to him about it. I bottled it up inside and it turned out really bad!
You need to sit down with him, and explain in detail everything you are feeling, and get him to do the same with you. If you love eachother that much, you will work on it!
And remember, a relationship is all about trust!!
I really hope everything sorts out soon!
xxxx
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