| A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi I really need some help. I have been with my girlfriend for just about 7 years and a couple days before christmas she left me. where do I start..we met and became friends with benifits rather quickly and years went by. Our relationship was great and she did everything for me. She was the most thoughtful and caring person in the world. Because of the way our relationship started, it was hard to take it to the next level. I dont feel like we started off like normal couples do but we became good friends and talked about everything. I never did the little things in life to make her feel special or give her the attention she deserved more than anything in this world. The poor girl was an only child and all she ever wanted was attention and for someone to make her feel special. I put her off many times and let her down on arrangements I tried to set up for us so we could get away together. I was very selfish.. It was always me and my racing and my motorcycles and my hobbies and my business.. no matter what though she always stood by me and supported me in every way with a thoughtful loving type of personality you only read about in a book. She was the most wonderful person in the world. I feel like I just didn't do my part. there was a huge part of me that got destroyed in a relationship many years ago when I used to be that thoughtful loving and caring person. I did everything for the ex and she cheated and lied to me and broke up with me at the funeral home after my best friend killed himself. At that time it put me in a really dark place and I was hurt very very bad. I recovered and did things for myself.. bought a house, new toys, and I was a very tough man. I wouldn't let much get me down. Jill came along and she wiped me off my feet. I didn't know how to look at that and I didn't trust her early on in the relationship in fear of being hurt again. We went 7 years though.. It is hard to really put the last 7 years down here to be understood but we did have many good times together. I loved her more than anything in the world but I didn't know how to show her. I feel like that part of me had been killed in my previous relationship and I didn't know how to be the man that she deserved. I have been in the middle of building a new business and building the building and everything from raw land.. its about 11000 sq feet so you can imagine that it has been very stressful. My parents backed me through most of it and got loans approved for me to build it all. I have been in under so much stress i nthe past year and our relationship has suffere as a result of it but that is not where it started. She had always wanted more out of me and she did so much to show me how much I meant to her. She was the most beautiful, thoughtful, loving, and caring person I could ever meet. This summer she took a trip to italy with her mother. When she returned she asked me to marry her and I didn't know what to do.. I was in the middle of so much with the business mentally and financially that I didn't have the mentality for it at the time but I knew it in my heart that I loved her more than anything in this world and I had asked her to be patient with me. I believe that she thinks she was being dragged along and she wanted more. Our relationship suffered more and more as she felt that I just wasn't giving her what she wanted. I ended up buying her a ring but it was only the wrap. after a few discussions about it I told her that I got her one and that I needed a little more time. She tried to leave me and I fought for her very hard. I got depressed and threw the ring across my back yard and it was a nice ring.. 2700.00.. It wasn't an engagement ring though, it was only part of the engagement ring.. I needed to get my funding together to complete it before I gave it to her. anyways.. she left me and says its over.. I have hurt her to much by dragging her along for years. I always had her in the palm of my hand and she is the best woman any man in this world could ever dream of having.. I messed up real bad.. I did end up completing her ring and it is a very nice ring. I wanted her ot have nothing but the very best. I had to refinance to be able to afford it but I got her a 1+ carat leo diamond ring of the highest quality and clearity and a 3/4 carat wrap to go with it almost identical to the one I threw and lost but it was to late. She didn't believe that I had a ring for her and she felt that I had dragged her along for so long. I feel like sometimes no matter what is said, you have to hit rock bottom to be able to understand things and see it in a different perspective. I know in my heart that she is the most wonderful woman in the world and I know that my feelings for her are real. Now that she is gone, I want to treasure her, love her, support her, make her feel special ,and do all the little things that matter. She is not materialistic. It is the simple things in life that made her happy. She just wanted attention and to be loved and I always put everything in my lilfe in front of her.. I put her in second place. Right now I understand. love is everythign and people matter.. No matter what you have going on in your life you need to take the time to do the little things and make the people that are important to you feel special. All it takes is a very little effort and that is something I have never done for her. I have never felt for anyone like I do for her and she means the world to me. I love her with all my heart and I would honestly blow everything I have off in my lilfe just to be there for her to support her, cherish her, love her, and make her happy but the problem is now she is gone. I am a mess because I know how bad I screwed up. She was a gift from god and all she wanted was me. I had many things I was passionate about like my racing and bikes nad stuff and she was jealous of that although she always supported me and what I did. She just wanted to something to be so passionate about herself and the only thing she had like that was me.. If I would of put half in to her than I put in to myself, she would have givin me more than anything that anything els I have ever had in my life had givin me. My god I messed up bad. I now have 10k ring for her and she is gone.. I have ben sleeping with her ring on my finger and praying to god for answers. Here is a copy of a letter I delivered to her parents and her on christmas day. This leter is from my heart and my feelings are real. I love this girl more than anything life has ever shown me. I want to make her feel like the most important person in the world and I want to give my life ot her.. something she has always wanted.------------------------------------------------------ Mr. and Mrs. ******, and Jill. Here I am Christmas morning at my parents house, DEC 25th, 2006. It is 1:00 am and I am the only soul awake here besides Turbo.. My boy Turbo.. He just knows that I am upset and he won't leave my side.. When I weep he weeps with me. What a good dog. I am sitting here thinking all the way back to the first day I met Jill at my parents restaurant. From the first moment I laid eyes on her I knew there was something special about her, and it is a shame it took me 6+ years to figure it out. Jill was sitting after work having a beer with my father while we all sat in the dining room talking and she was counting her tips. I was there with my friend Tommy and I remember telling Tommy that night that I liked Jill. I asked her to hang out with us and she agreed so we got in my rental truck which I had at the time, and drove around some amelia back roads chatting. Shortly after, I returned to the restaurant to drop Jill off at her car so she could go home and for the rest of that night all I could think about was her. I was happy that we were able to exchange contact information. Several days later Jill and I got together to hang out and we had fun together. We went out to eat at places, watched lots of TV together, and spent many hours talking. I enjoyed her very much, but deep down inside my heart was hurt and I was to scared to allow anyone to get close to me.. Not even Jill, no matter how hard she tried. Jill was wonderful and for the longest time, I took advantage of her. She was always there for me when I needed something or simply just needed her company for my own selfish reasons to keep me sane. Jill and I became good friends.. Finally best friends. She was at least MY best friend.. I found that I was able to confide some of my deepest and darkest secrets in her and it took me a while to realize it, but no matter what I told her or what we talked about, it was safe with her. I slowly noticed Jill's real beauty. It wasn't a beauty that you noticed from across the room.. It was a beauty that came from the inside.. The real deal.. I was fortunate to get to know her for who she really was.. She was the most honest, caring, loving, and loyal person I could have ever imagined meeting and getting to know. She honestly blew me off my feet and I didn't know how to handle or deal with that. I used to question her agenda with me not knowing if I was just reading everything wrong with her or if she was real. The only way I knew to test this was obviously the wrong way. That way was for me to treat her like she was not that important to me because I was so scared to be hurt and scared to allow her to get to close to me. It seemed the worse I treated her the better she treated me. It took me a while to understand why, but it did hit me... She is real.. She loves me.. and her love is real. Wow.. I found Jill to be a person I could tell anything to or talk about anything with and man, what an intelligent young lady she was. She had insight that only came from one place... Family and Morals. Jill was raised right and she has the most beautiful family who loves her very much. I slowly learned this over time but as a dumb young man, I was still stuck in my old ways of not appreciating her. If I could take those moments back I would in a heartbeat. Jill and I had our moments in time, but for the most part we never argued with one another. I saw Jill as the most beautiful person in the world but still deep down I was scared. I fell in love with Jill. I loved her more than any way I could explain, even to her, and because of the way our relationship began and progressed, I had no idea on how to go about showing her how I really felt for her. No matter what my hobbies or interest were, she always supported me, my thoughts, and my ideas. She stood behind her man like the way a woman should. She shared my life. I was scared to bring her close to my family for fear of acceptance because I cared for her so much and I did not want the conflict with my family. This is one decision I made that I deeply regret. If I would have been half the man as she was woman, I would have stood my ground and brought her close to my family a long long time ago. Hindsight is 20/20. I was weak in so many areas and Jill would always surprise me with how she could deal with unfortunate moments or important decisions. She carried traits I had only wished to posses. Jill was confident, responsible, loyal, honest, beautiful, witty, thoughtful, and loving. I looked up to her in so many ways although I never gave her the praise, respect, and attention she deserved. How stupid could I be.. Here in my hands I had the best woman any man in the world could ever dream of having and I would never go out of my way to show her how I felt or how much she meant to me. It took me so long to understand and unfortunately it seems as if I began to understand when it was pretty much to late. I used and abused Jill so much that she just couldn't handle it anymore. I sucked all the life and happiness out of her every chance I had, while never giving back. My mother used to get after me about how I treated her sometimes and told me I needed to get my act together.. I needed to start acting like a man. Years went by and I always felt that I had Jill right there for me when I needed her and she would always be there. I never thought about Jill.. What does she need? What does she want? How can I bring her even a small portion of the happiness she has brought me over the years? The more and more I thought about these things, I realized something.. I realized how fortunate I was to have this beautiful gift from God in front of me and that I needed to do something about it.. But I didn't know what. I thought of asking her to marry me but I was so scared and didn't have the courage to ask or talk about it. I was afraid of rejection, so I tried to hide my feelings for her by keeping myself wrapped up in my own little world, which I rarely made her a part of. It hurts so bad knowing this. In the summer of 2006, Jill took her trip to Italy. When she returned, she had some things on her mind. She was much more mature than I and she knew what she wanted and knew how to get it. Jill told me that she wanted to get married, settle down, and build a dream. I was shocked... I thought.. Wait a minute.. I am supposed to be the one asking HER.... I didn't know what to do.. I didn't know how to handle the situation, and I didn't know who to talk to about it. I kept the thoughts and emotions hid away deep inside and acted as if it was nothing, and I could continue the way things were. Well, Jill was to smart and to good for that. She knew what she wanted and I wasn't giving it to her. I think she began to feel like all the effort she put in to me over the years was a waste and that I did not want nor care for her. That part is so not true.. I knew Jill to be the most beautiful person in the world and I wanted to find the right way.. The special way... the right time... to ask her to marry me. I went out and bought her an engagement ring and had no idea on how to go about asking her to marry me, or how to progress to the next step. All this time was going by and Jill felt that it was a waste.. She began to feel unappreciated and I don't blame her. Deep down inside I did appreciate her but I did not know how to show her how I felt about her. I finally told her that I loved her.. for the very first time, but it was to late.. Her love for me had grown weak and it was all my fault. I kept this poor girl hanging on to me with hopes larger than the tallest mountain in the world, only to let her feel let down. Finally recently Jill said that she couldn't go on like this any longer.. She felt as if our relationship wasn't working out because she was always the one giving and giving. I fought and fought to keep her but she wanted and needed more. She finally said that she couldn't hold on any longer and that I had to let her go.. Oh my GOD... I had no idea on how to handle this. I love Jill more than anything and now when it seems to be to late, I need to give her everything she deserved. I need to give her the happiness, love, devotion, dedication, and support she deserves. I honestly believe that I know where I went wrong over the years and I want more than anything to be able to make things right. I want more than anything to have Jill beside me and happy. I never want to see her hurt, see her cry, see her in pain, see her lonely, or for her to be afraid. I love her more than anything in this world. Mr. and Mrs. ******, I am not a bad person. I have just made some stupid and selfish decisions over the years. If I can figure a way for Jill to put just a little bit of her trust back in to me and allow me to take over, I will make her the happiest person in this world. I want to make her my family and my wife. With your permission of course.. If I can have your permission, and you can find the trust in me with your baby girl, I want to ask her to marry me. I want to be by her side until the day I die. I want to have a family with her.. I want her to be the mother of my children. I love her so much. I am not a quitter and I will not quit on Jill. I will fight for her and fight for what I believe in. I will fight for her, to be with her, and make her happy until the day I die. That is how strong my love is for her and I am hoping that I can get the two of you, her parents, to believe in me. I want us all to be a big happy family.. Please think about my letter and my feelings as they are real. I love Jill more than anything in this world. I want a second chance with her. I love her and I love you two. In closing to this letter, the only thing I know to add is that I am sorry.. I am sorry for all the hurt and pain I have caused her over the years. I promise with all my heart to make it up to her ten fold. I love you all very much.. Please have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Years.. I may not be there this year to share the moments but believe me, all my heart is. sincerely, *****************----------------------------------------------------She is ogne now.. she left me friday before christmas and I asked if there was any way we could start over.. on a different foot this time and take things very slow so I could show her how much she meant to me without any strings attached. She feels like to much damage is done and she wants to repair her heart. She said to me that I oculd call her in a couple months and maybe we could be friends.. OH MY GOD.. I f'd up so bad. I talked to her mother and her mother believes in me but will support her daughter with whatever she decides. I wouldn't expect anything less than that as they are all good people. I am friends with a couple of her good friends and they have been trying to help but they told me to just let it go. I feel like I am not a man who can walk out on her. Problems need ot be addressed and corrected. If I was her husband I wouldn't walk out on her over a problem and leave her hanging and I feel like that I need to fight for what I believe in and fight for the woman I love. My life is incomplete without her. I want to give her all of myself and all of my life. I want to give her everything and make her the happeist person in the world and I know where I went wrong and what I should have done but I am affraid it is to late. I love this girl with all my heart. I am incomplete without her and I should have done the things in life to make her feel that way. What can I do? My life is miserable without her. I love her so so much and I don't want anything to ever come between us again. Nothing els matters to me other than making her happy and giving her the support she needs. And all of the things I would have changed are exactly what she would have wanted from me! I do apologize that it came to this for me to realize how selfish and insensitive to her needs I really was. But at least I know do and will vouch to her on my life that if she gives me another change I will do everything in my power to give her all she has ever wanted, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually and financially.Someone please help me here.. the greatest thing I have ever had in my life is gone and I honestly believe with all my heart that I can finally give her what she has always wanted from me. I am hurting so bad because I know she is upset. My love is real and my love for her is real. HELP PLEASE... my baby is gone. :(
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, christmas, depressed, fell in love, I love you, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2007): well things are starting to work out.
we went out last night and had a great time and we are talking again.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2007): Well, sorry to hear of your pain and late realization of what you should have and shared with her.
As it stands now, I think you have done everything you possibly could. I expect she really does need to repair her heart. She did say you could call her in a couple of months.
Why not try to get on with your own life in the meantime and be happy? Then, do call after two months or so - NOT LESS than two!! and don't pressure her to come back to you, but just ask how she is - express real concern for her well-being EVEN IF you are not to be part of her life.
Who knows? Its possible that she will re-read the letter you sent her and her parents and begin to think she would like to try again after all. Right now, she needs time to "absorb" all that has happened in the last few months.
Of course, you cannot count on her wanting to resume things! If you really love her you have to put her best interests ahead of your own. That will be painful, but its what real love is all about.
Let us know how it goes.
...............................
A
male
reader, perky  +, writes (1 January 2007):
 hi yh its a bad story it is well i know u was stressed and all that but maybe u should of given up sum of ur hobbies and did sumthin together or sumthing i am havin a hard time to but i am tryin to get on with wat i can i cry at night thinkin obut her and wat we can and could have every thought i have i tell her but she doesnt want to listen so i think foucs on wat u want to give her try and show her in a way that u wont push her away or force her to have u bak say think about liek i say it takes sumit big to change a person and i tihnk that also u need to try and talk to her like wen u said she told u wat she wanted u should of told her wat was goin through ur head rather than let it linger in ur mind and if nuffin works then just leave her maybe ring her to c hows she doin and maybe she will cum through and c wat she is missin out on u try wat eva u can to prove to her that u have changed
gd luck i hope wat i said has helped in a way tell me how u got on
...............................
|
