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male
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anonymous
writes: Should I give up on her or what?So anyway, I'm in love with a girl that lives miles away, and when I lived there we had a really passionate relationship. We decided to have an open, long distance relationship after I moved, and and every time I visit up there.... it's about the best feeling in the world --- since it's open we both did many things with other people, but when I'm with her it's just uncomparable because of the emotions involved. I feel like I never need anyone other than her.Anyway... the trouble comes in that I'm realizing that what I thought was a special connection to me.... she has these "connections" to many other people, including another guy. I've heard about the stuff she says behind my back, to mutual friends.... and it's straight out lies, lies, lies to make me look bad, all the way down to details like making derogatory comments about the times we had sex, and trying to make me look like a complete asshole to the point where several people almost completely hated me.And then she tried to turn me against people who are both our friends by pretending they said things about me. She's trying to turn everyone against each other to make herself look better, as far as I can tell. But whenever I confront her about this... she just tells me what my subconscious wants to hear. "I love you, you're the only one for me, etc etc", she skips her way out of any blame for what she's done, and suddenly any resolve I have collapses.She's had an unbelievably difficult past with dead parents, rapes, and has been suicidal many times. And even though she's doing all this.... I still absolutely love her and just desperately don't want to let go, but this is really ripping me apart emotionally.Do I confront her, tell her straight out that I want the truth and that I'll still love her no matter what it is? Do I just have to make my resolve stronger? Should I just calmly say goodbye forever and force myself to move on? I don't know.... I figured it was worth getting some unbiased views on this, at least.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2006): In think that this girl has some issuses that cannot be fixed no matter what you do or how much you tell her that she is loved by you . It seems to me that all of the things she went through in the past has left her "broken" to the point where she doesn't love herself, so she does things to make people feel bad about themselves, and in a way this might make her feel better knowing she isn't the only one who is miserable. Therefore my advise to you is to move on. I know it's hard to leave someone you love but you have to think about yourself and your happiness and the only way you can do that is to cut her off completely. Love is a two way street and from what you described you were the only one who was in love in that relationship.
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