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female
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anonymous
writes:Is it wrong for me to ask my fiancee to stay up late with me on Saturday nights?Hello, I've been living with my fiance for a year now..he works a 9-5 job Monday through Friday...We have a pretty much set bedtime during the week because of this. I like to stay up late on Saturday nights with him because we don't get much time together during the week since he gets home about 6 and after dinner it's usually bedtime...He gets angry about this, he'll yawn and make pointed comments about being tired when I asked him to stay up with me, and yet, he won't sleep past 7 even on weekends! I feel like, "hey, I'm young, he's young, we should stay up and have a good time when we can"and since I don't even ask him during the week because of work, shouldn't he WANT to stay up and spend time with me?When I bring this up, he eather says, "fine, I'll do whatever you want" with this snotty attitude, or comes back with. "I just spent all day with you, isn't that enough?"help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have gotten up early with him before...I get up at 6:00 every morning so I can talk with him before he leaves for work.... :)
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 July 2006):
 I think you're going about this question with a more provocative attitude than you need.
No, it's not "wrong" of you to want to see him on Saturday nights, but using the same logic, it's also not "wrong" for him to want you up-and-at-'em at 7:00am Sunday morning.
You have two different approaches to the weekend, and the problem is not that you have two different approaches; it's that you need to find a way to compromise.
Maybe you should try things his way for a while, and see what it's like when the shoe is on the other foot? Try rising and shining at 6:30 or 7 on Sundays. Go for a bike ride together, or grab an early breakfast before most people are up.
If that idea sounds repellent to you, then you might be getting a glimpse of what it's like for him to stay up "past his bedtime" on Saturdays.
To be fair to you, his passive-agressive response isn't helping matters, and you might --gently!-- point out that you don't want him to do anything that makes him upset. Let him know that it's about your wanting to see him as often as you can, not about judging him. Then be sure that that IS what it's about!
The real issue is that, waaaaayyyy before you call the caterers and book the reception, you need to work out a less confrontational way to compromise on little disagreements like this. Remember, don't sweat the small stuff; instead, just find ways to make each others' lives a tiny bit more pleasant. Try things his way, then you have a leg to stand on when you ask if he'll try yours.
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