A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, theres something which has been troubling me for the last couple days.. The other night, it was one of my best mates' going away party thing, and on that night i met this girl through mutual friends. Problem is, so did my friend who the going away party was for. I'm not really sure who made the first move but all i know is that both of us got with that girl that night.At some point i noticed what was going on and mentioned to the girl to make her mind up. She turned around and told me it doesnt matter as my friend was leaving the country anyway in a couple days. The next day my friend started bragging about it openly in front of me and a couple mates so it became clear that he had got with her..The problem is i really like this girl as i get along with her quite well and (or i thought) we had connected pretty well. On the other hand, the other guy is one of my best friends and i don't want him to leave on bad terms or later find out i've been seein her since he was away.To be honest, from her actions, i'm not really sure how she feels at all about me, but the whole night seems to be recurring in my mind quite abit, and i just cant stop thinking about the whole thing. I'm not sure how to handle this. Advice?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2009): Basically she is a life ruiner... Dont ever let anything get between you and your best mates. If u even think there is a chance someone will get between you, move on and find someone else! There is plenty of fish in the sea, all you need is a good rod. - Get me my crown...I should be kinged!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): She had made no comittment to you or to him. You all had a good time. If you hold that against her or you buddy, you are being petty.
This is just a perpetuation of the double standard that if a girl gets it on with whoever she wants, she is a slut. If the situation was reversed and you were with 2 girls in that same situation would you be thinking of yourself as having to make a commitment after only knowing them both a short time?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (2 November 2009):
I'm not sure about how she feels either. But I would say that she perhaps doens't feel all that strongly about either of you, otherwise the chances are she wouldn't have done what she did. If you are interested in her, I really would suggest taking time to get to know her, so you can be sure of what she really wants and whether she really likes you or not. Perhaps ask her out for a coffee or something, and tell her you'd like to get to know her more and see what she says. But do take your time. As for your friend, you could talk to him and say that you'd like to get her more. See what he says too. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): I think you move on, she made her choice. She didn't think it would matter as he was leaving the country, well leave her with that choice....all alone. It sounds to me as if she thought that she only had so long to get with the other dude. She played her cards so that she could possibly get her chance with you both.
So now if she comes running back to you, I wouldn't give her the time of day. She made her bed, now sleep in it (pun intended).
As far as your friend, that's definitely not cool. Was he aware of your feelings beforehand? Or was he possibly into her before knowing you were as well and caught off guard like yourself? Even so, bros before hos my friend. Consider this, he did you a favor. People that will use, will use people now or later it doesn't matter. People that are sincere will not play both sides.
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