A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Me and my bf watch this competition show. we usually pick our favorites. i noticed that the girl he picked has a strong recemblance to his ex wife. when they dont show her enough on the show he starts complaining that they dont show "his girl" enough. he doesnt know i remember his ex's face well,i feel as if he still has feelings for her, she did dumb him over 4yrs ago. i dont say anything to him about this but i feel kinda betrated when he looks for that girl. please advise me if feel i should leave him. :(
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2011): THANK YOU ALL FOR THE ADVICE!i just realized i am the problem, i have very low self-esteem. since i was a kid i've always been picked and made fun of. even though i've grown out to be a very beautiful young girl (been told many times), those old memories still haunts me all the time. i'll work on myself and make the best of what i am.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (4 August 2011):
 Even with the follow-up information, I'd say you're seriously overreacting. It sounds like he just has a set of physical features he is strongly attracted to, which she happened to have. Having the pictures and contact information are not, in and of themselves, harmful. I'd say they certainly aren't helping anything, but as long as he isn't getting them out to reminisce or anything, it's fine.
Besides, blonde hair (especially including fake blonde) and long faces aren't exactly rare traits.
Now, you have every right to feel upset at this, but acting up or dwelling on those feelings will only make you unhappy for no real reason.
You say you haven't tried talking to him about this. Talking about it should always be a step before deciding (even secretly, deep down inside) to leave someone. Speaking as a guy, he may not even be aware of the resemblance between the two - he may just think, "She's pretty." Which is almost certainly the same thing he thinks when he sees you, or women that look like you. Talk to him about it, in a calm, conciliatory way, without accusing him of anything, getting angry, or shouting. Discuss it like an adult, tell him that it makes you insecure, and ask him to try to be aware of it even though it's probably just a silly thing. I'd be willing to bet he'll understand and try to make things better for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): With the extra info you provided, I think you should leave. I mean life is too short to be second best to some horsey woman. Trust me, I know. My partner was in love with a dark haired, brown skinned woman and every single celeb crush or any girl who he found attractive would be very similar to his 'lost love'. He also had all the letters, love notes etc she sent him, he had her numbers, he email addy and each year without fail he would stay up til midnight to text her happy birthday. She never responded. One day I got sick of this shit. If he wants her so much and she doesn't want him, why should I settle? I left him and now engaged to a much better guy who is not hung up on just one kind of woman. He can appriciate hotness in all women and even some guys! That is healthy behaviour. Being hung up on an ex look-a-like is not.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (3 August 2011):
 'you' noticed the girl on the show looks like his ex? does he even agree with you? maybe he has a certain type of girl that he finds attractive, it is fair to say that he found his ex wife attractive is it not? it would be more worrying if he hadn't!
you're not seriously considering breaking up with him just coz of this though? we have shows like this in our country (x-factor, pop idol, loads of others that i can't even remember the names of) and as soon as a lot of these contestants are eliminated you never ever see them again, he'll soon forget about her.
maybe you could get some help to boost your own confidence, as i think that's the problem, not his ex and not the girl on the tv show
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2011): Thank you all for answering, heres some more:He still has all of his ex wife pictures, ALL OF THEM. he still has her phone number and email. and is just not that girl on tv, is EVERY girl with that stupid face we see walking around, on tv or wherever! i do not look like her thank god, im not a blonde with a horse face, but its still hurtfull:( and when i first met him he was still trying to get back with her over a year ago! i love him, hes the best but its a constant thing with him!
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (3 August 2011):
 You are considering leaving him bc he is attracted to someone on a TELEVISION SHOW? *turns head to side and scratches head.
Darling, that does not mean he has residual feelings for his ex, it means he has a physical TYPE he is attracted to!
Last, it is a TELEVISION SHOW!!! No one betrayed you.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (3 August 2011):
 Leave him over a show? That really says a lot about how you view him and your relationship. I almost want to say you should leave him because it doesn't seem like you want to be with him. However, I don't know you, I only know what you asked, and by that I made the assumption. Who cares who she resembles. He may not even think she resembles her as you do. I would say, if you don't want to be with him, just go. Don't make up an excuse as the one you just made up, because this reason I'd find lacks foundation to support your decision. He hasn't cheated on you, right? Violated your trust? So, if you were to leave it's because you don't see a future with him, no matter what excuse you try to pin your decision on.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (3 August 2011):
 I don't like to use this phrase because everyone is entitled to their feelings, but you are really overreacting. Unless he's saving tons of photos of her and stashing them under his bed, I see absolutely nothing to worry about. She may resemble her, but she is not actually her. Yeah he may think she's pretty/attractive. But he's probably totally unaware of why. Maybe he just has a type and both his ex-wife and this woman fit that type. Unless there is something else happening here, like he's been secretly in touch with his ex or talking about his ex a lot, I see absolutely nothing wrong here.
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (3 August 2011):
 The girl can't help that she looks the way she looks. And he probably likes her because she does resemble someone he really cared about. I wouldn't worry about it. It's just television, they don't know each other in real life, and there's nothing wrong with taking a liking to someone who's in television. Unless this is something you can't get past, then I wouldn't worry about it. It's just tv, and he's with you and not her.
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