A
male
age
51-59,
*amesrob
writes:I don't have a real problem yet, but I don't want to mis-handle a potential situation. New neighbors bought the house next to us a year ago. They are older than us (50's) and have 2 kids, a daughter who travels a lot for work and with her fiancee, and a son who is out of college, 22 or 23, and lives at home while he works and saves money. They're all a very nice family and we get along good with all of them. They have a swimming pool in their backyard. The previous owners didn't talk to us or anyone in the neighborhood, and didn't use the pool, I don't know if it was broken or what. The new neighbors opened up the pool this past summer, and invited us over several times to swim/BBQ. We have fun with all of them. One day this past summer my wife was outside gardening and Todd, the son asked her if she wanted to come over for a swim. Well she declined, not sure how I would feel. That night after I came home from work, I told her it would be OK with me, I'm not the jealous type, they're just neighbors, and/or potential friends of the whole family. Several times over the summer she went swimming with Todd, sometimes just him and her, sometimes he had friends over and would invite her over to join them for lunch and swimming (oh, my wife is a teacher so has the summers off, that's why she is home during the days in the summer). A few times he asked her to put sunblock on his back and she did, but never acted in any way inappropriate, just plain old friends and kidding around fun.Last week my wife was off for the Christmas break and Todd saw her outside getting the mail and asked about us and how our holidays were. He then asked about our hot-tub and do we use it in the winter (we have a deck and a 3-season room with a 6 person hot-tub). She said yes, I put portible electric heaters out there and turn them on a little before we go out and use it. He asked to see it so she took him through our house out to the hot-tub which was uncovered and ready for us to go in that night when I got home from a 3 day out of town business trip. Todd told my wife it looks very inviting, he misses swimming and can't wait until summer. He then asked my wife if they could go in it. She said 'sure', go home and come back with swim trunks and I'll turn the heater on in the room. Todd said, no need, you just go put on a bathing suit, I'll go in naked and took off his shirt grinning. My wife was flustered and not sure if he was goofing around or being serious so she said, oh that's right, my husband said something about I'm supposed to put more chlorine in it and leave it alone for 2 hours so him and I can go in it tonight. Todd said, no problem, another time.My wife and I aren't sure if he was just being flirty and funny or if we should do something. I think he was being funny, or just feeling very open around my wife, but what if he is 'testing' the waters. My wife isn't the least bit going for this if he is. Do we just 'stop' this friendship with him (which will probably stop the friendship with the whole family), or should I or my wife talk to him about how inappropriate it was to suggest he be nude in front of my wife, or do we just wait it out and see if he says something like that again or just comes over to go in the hot-tub with swim trunks next time and pretend it was never said?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2008): Chill out and sleep with guy, let your husband watch and everyone will be turned on and happy!!
A
male
reader, jamesrob +, writes (9 January 2008):
jamesrob is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the posts/answers. I agree with the answerers. I don't think he is intentially being inappropriate, but I do think he is 'testing' the waters. Even if it is harmless and he has no intentions on my wife, it would still be wrong for her to see him naked (except by accident or something).We aren't going to say anything to him, but my wife and I both agree that he isn't to come in our house unless I am at home also. I think it's still fine for her to go over swimming in the summer, but we both think that maybe only if there are other people there also so it's more like a BBQ than just the 2 of them swimming. If he's that much of an idiot to suggest something again with me around, he's in for a trip to the hospital!Thanks again. Jim.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008): He may be a neighbour,but not friendly with such remarks,and it's quite plain what's on his mind. SEX, SEX, SEX, SEX, and that's how I see it. Lust is an emotional, infective, social disease. So are some neighbours.
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A
male
reader, BadVoice +, writes (2 January 2008):
I personally think he was and 'is'....testing the waters! I think he he trying his hand and trying to see if your wife will bite. I would wait till the next time and then your wife can put his ass in check. she doesn't have to be vindictive or verbally abusive....she can just let him know that she is not interested and that from then on...he is only allowed to come over unless you are home only.
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