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female
,
anonymous
writes: Well my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time but we ran into a major problem. He is having trouble getting completely "hard" and staying that way in insertion. We have never had this problem before while we were messing around and having "dry sex". He even got an erection and "went off" when I gave him a blow job earlier that day. This problem has never surfaced before and we don't understand it. He has looked at porn pretty consistantly for years and he just stopped about a month ago. Please help us because it has been a huge blow to his self esteem. Thank you for your time
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2006): I had this with the first three girls I had sex with and have been good since.
Truth is guys have so much pressure on them to perform in the bedroom that its daunting and creates anxiety, especially with a girl you are with for the first time.
After being comfortable with the girls i mentioned above, I was totally fine instigating and having sex anywhere from 2 to 5 times a day solid.
But its very common and not anything to worry about.
If anything, your man is probably a perfectionist and concerned about blowing your mind. Let him know you don't mind getting there slowly and that you are okay with him having nerves and everything will be cool.
To ease into it try being intimate without the expectation of sex. Also be naked around each other and intimate with no expectation of penetration. Once he finds himself comfortable in those situations everything will be cool.
A
female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (15 January 2006):
Its not porn,its not sumthing else. Its pure nerves on his part because the lead up was so intense, it left him feeling unsure that he could actually perform.
The next time you try, keep the foreplay going longer so that the actual deed happens when the moment is right and dont keep going on about it. Its no big deal.
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A
female
reader, sickofitkelly +, writes (15 January 2006):
TOTALLY normal...especially if this is the first time you guys tried to have actual sex. Guys can lose their erections when they are nervous or extremely excited. It doesn't sound like a serious thing, it just sounds like he needs to relax a little bit. If it's a constant thing where he can not get a complete hard when you are doing anything sexual, that could be a sign of a bigger problem.Does he take any meds? In particular, anti-depressants? Those are highly prescribed and the cause of this problem for many men.My guess is that its his nerves, and if thats the case, then you're lucky because that means you get to practice practive practice!
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