A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Cupid viewers/helpersI hope that you don't just sift through this section and not say anything, as I have met my match so to speak-Here is the story.I am engaged to a wonderful man of nearly 4 years. We began dating about 4 years ago, and just became engaged a little less than a year ago. Before we began dating, I was made aware (well aware) of his ex girlfriend, from high school. She was his "one that got away" (at the time). Long story short- he ended their relationship, because my now fiance, wanted to because he felt tied down too soon (they were in college together at this point). They dated for about 4 years, mind you... Well- needless to say the girl was crushed, (not leave her home, not eat/sleep/talk to anyone etc...) and immediately began to keep in close contact with his family. His mother, father, brother etc... but not my fiance at this point. Though she was desperate, she did respect his wishes to stay away from him (but not his family). In hopes that he would come back to her..with effort from his family.I later discussed all of this with his mother, after we began our relationship, and she told me straight out that the ex girlfriend stayed in contact to relay information to my fiance for her- of course the mother did nothing of the sort- but this was her reasoning. Relaying information such as she misses him, they are meant to be together etc...Knowing this, I became uncomfortable, and talked to my now fiance about it (we were dating at this point, for about 3 months) and being so new, I said "in order to give us a chance..I'd like for us to focus on eachother for right now..just to see if this really goes somewhere" About a week or so later, we found out she moved back into town (she had been out of state for school up until this point) and she wanted to *go to dinner, a movie and ride around town together* (as just friends supposedly). However, also wanting to stop by her parent's house, and say hello to everybody (something my fiance was not comfortable with). At this point...I was a little irritated by her- as she did know that he was dating me at the time, and when he asked her what her intentions were...she got upset, and said that just because he was with me, didn't mean that they couldn't be close friends" (mind you, every time before when she said this...they ended up back together..not together as in a couple- but "together" as in had sexual relations. OR she would initiate or attempt to 'get him back'"She then (after swearing to my fiance that she just wanted friendship) bashed me on the internet..claiming her ex was feeling resentment toward me..(something he has sworn to me is not true). Ultimately she knew in the end, that I did not appreciate her advances toward my then boyfriend (now fiance). In between she had contact him through email and has kept in extremely close contact with his family still...swearing she only wanted friendship- but as a woman...I know women-her intentions from day one- were to find a way back into his life for good.Fast forward a few years now. Both of them are engaged- They now talk to eachother online, and over the phone. Usually she initiates the conversations-but again, not only with my fiance, but with all of his family.Now she is married- and STILL insists on the daily contact with my fiance, and his family.I personally feel it is time to let the past be the past, and everyone move on completely... However by saying this I sound controlling or insecure (which I assure you I am not) I am simply uncomfortable with her presence, and her insistant need to keep such close contact with my now soon to be family. I feel she should now move on, and be with her new family.I have heard from quite a few people that I am not crazy to think that she is playing some sad head game not only with him, but with me as well.To top it all off- we have a mutual friend, who has let it slip that the ex girlfriend- "always thought that she and [my fiance] would end up together, and that she has had a hard time letting go."My question for everyone...is what is your perspective? How have you dealt with situations like this in the past...or now?What are you words of wisdom/advice/encouragement etc...Serious answers only please- Respectfully, A girl just wanting it to be done.
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crush, engaged, ex girlfriend, fiance, her ex, his ex, insecure, move on, the internet Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionha- nevermind. No it didn't.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:
The advice worked.
We are coming to terms that both of us can agree with.
Thank you again,
-The girl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2009): Your fiance should be in better control of the situation..His family isn't going to stop contact with the ex unless your fiance tells them that is his wish.If he truly wants your relationship to work he needs to get rid of old baggage.From what you said his ex girlfriend is married now...I wonder what her husband feels about this situation?Chances are he hasn't got a clue as to what his wife is up to.I think she keeps in touch with the family so she knows everyones business and also gives her a certain amount of control. Try talking to your Fiance again and tell him how insecure this makes you feel..I really believe this will be a big problem in the future if it's not resolved before your marriage. I wish you much happiness. Blessings, Veronica
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