A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. Please can I have some advice.I recently lost my virginity, not in a relationship, and have had sex a couple of times since then.I enjoy the first 5 minutes but after that I just feel frustration that I can't orgasm and also a feeling of inadequacy, like i'm just really bad at sex! I know it gets better with experience but I'm just totally turned of the idea of sex and it frustrates me how most men are selfish. I don't want a relationship so that's not the way forward.How can I start enjoying sex more? Is it normal to feel this way at the beginning?Thank you
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male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (25 November 2014):
tbf if you are having one night stands , the bloke wont give a crap about what you get out of .
wham bam thank you mam is the best phrase .
try a FWB if you do not want a relationship that way they may want to learn what you do
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2014): One night stands are about taking as much pleasure as possible. No wonder the men you have been with have been selfish. Ofcourse they are selfish. They are not 'making love ' to you or showing you how much they care through sex. They are f***ING you to get themselves off. This is generally the principle of casual sex.If it takes him 5 minutes to orgasm why the hell would he spend 2 hours getting you to orgasm when he doesn't really care that much about you? Great sex comes from you relaxing and not putting pressure on yourself to cut. Just enjoy it and the orgasm will naturally follow. It also comes with patience. You have to be thoroughly wet and turned on which might mean half an hour of foreplay for example.You seem to think sex gets better with experience. Not necessarily. If you keep having experiences with people who see you as a sperm deposit box then millions of experiences won't make you better at sex. Millions of experiences of bad sex like you're having now will make you hate sex.You don't have to get into a relationship for there to be intimacy. Hang out with him first. Get to know each other. Develop a good friendship at least. That way you can relax when you do end up having sex and he will actually care about you as a person enough to try different ways to get you off. Your current conquest approach won't take you very far. They're in it for themselves same as you. You might well find yourself still feeling inadequate and really bad at it after sleeping with 20 people who didn't take the time to explore your body and what you like.
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A
male
reader, JakeIvy  +, writes (24 November 2014):
I've known girls that waited years to have their first orgasm during sex and it always comes down to their previous partners didn't stimulate their clitorious while having sex. Don't be shy, stimulate it yourself while they are penetrating you. And relax while having sex. Don't pressure yourself. And don't go marrying the first guy who gives you an orgasm! I've known girls who have done that.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 November 2014):
 How can you start enjoying sex more? Be specific and clear and ask for what works for you.
P.S. Most women do not reach orgasm through penetrative sex alone so one strategy may be to reach your orgasm through what works for you first.
"Sex" is a very broad term encompassing many forms of love-making or sexual stimulation, however you may choose to word it.
The key for you I think at this point is to be clear about what works for you, in order to reach orgasm.
If you have not reached orgasm by yourself then expecting your temporary sexual partners to do that for you is unrealistic.
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