A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:First of all, I’d like to say that I am not a native English speaker so please, forgive my spelling mistakes!Sooo, here is the story. I am 24 and I live at my mother’s place with my younger sister (16 years old) – and no father - after spending 6 years abroad by myself. I guess you come to see the problem but that’s even worse…First of all my mother is very often in a bad mood, shouting at times, insulting us when she is very mad.She gets angry so easily. I try to calm her down but it never really works and I always try to suck it in even when she tells me to get lost or that I’m a bad bitch.Then, she is very strict and protective. She works at a place where she sees crazy stuff everyday and thinks that it is what will happen to me. People will shoot me down the street or I can’t have male friends because they all want the same thing. I can’t meet new people neither go out with my colleagues. Even with my long-time friends, she’s always against a meeting. She likes going out though and wants us to go everywhere with her otherwise, another crisis comes and we are selfish bitches. When we are out with her and she meets up friends, we are bored by ourselves and she doesn’t even care.Last point: I have done everything I wanted abroad (going out at night, meeting new people, traveling with people I barely knew). She doesn’t know all the crazy stuff I have done but she knows I went out quite often and she is fine with it. Just now, I should not do it here cause it’s (according to her) way more dangerous and anyways, I live in her house so that’s her rules.You would say, just leave girl! But here is the problem: she’s very sick. That is why I try to do what she asks me. When she says no, I agree so that she won’t get angry and her health won’t be at stake. Moreover, I don’t want to leave my sister who isn’t 18 yet. What shall I do? I have tried to talk, to cry, to get my father to talk to her. I thought about going abroad again but I’ll miss my sis and grandparents so much. Plus, now I have made some friends so I don’t want to leave again. I thought about moving out but my job doesn’t pay well and I have a loan to pay back. I feel stuck. When I don’t work, I am at home and see the sadness of the situation through my sister’s eyes everyday…Please help. I know she loves us but I feel like I can’t anymore. Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, supermum  +, writes (25 November 2014):
 I have lived away from my parents since I was 16. It must be very hard having to come back and live by her rules when you are used to independence. Firstly you have to understand that all the rules she gives you are out of love. Whether or not you think they are fair. Mothers are over protected... it's our job! You also have to understand that under her roof her rules go. And you have to understand than being in pain all the time makes us very grumpy. Obviously things are really hard at the moment, but you need to be pulling together not pushing each other apart. Have another talk with your mum. Be completely honest with her. Tell her you feel smothered. And tell her you know why she so strict. Tell her how much you love her. And promise that you will be there to hold her hand. You are an adult, and as such you can do what you want. But while you are living there doing as she asks will help alleviate tension. I know, it isn't fair and it sucks. I know. But since you can't change it you will both have to find a way to live and work together again. Try to walk a mile in the each others shoes. The only way you can do that is with complete honesty.If you need it ask your father to sit in on the conversation to mediate it. But only when you both say what you need to say will you be able to move on. It will hurt at first, but you will get through it. Good luck!(By the way, I think your English is excellent. Well done.)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 November 2014):
 You don't have to do crazy stuff but you shouldn't have to be stuck at home every day though. Do you what you have to do to satisfy your need for companionship and to socialize. She is taking out her pain on you because she is sick, but is up to you to stand up to yourselves. Don't let her bully you into doing things you feel forced to. Don't be scared of being called "selfish bitch." You turn your back on her when she calls you names but reward her by giving her more attention when she speaks nice to you. She is very scared of losing the dearest people in her life and I am guessing she had been scarred by romantic relationships and is replacing the need for love with smothering her daughters. Show her that her controlling ways only push you away further.
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