A
female
age
36-40,
*pple-s
writes:Hi everyone. I have a problem. Yesterday i went shopping with my son who is 4 years old, i saw my son grandma which is his dads mother for the first time. I approached her because i recognise her from Facebook. I told her who I was and she asked me if I went to the same school as her son. I replied no. By the way I'm 27 and my child father is 25. She then asked me if that little boy is my son I replied yes its your son's child who he has been rejecting from birth. She then asked what my name is, I told her. Her reply was "your pretty though." I believe she already knew who I was through her family members I've contacted through Facebook cause I needed their support to help me with my son. Since my child father refused to take responsibility, my child father family know that my child is disowned by his dad. My child father has abused me while I was pregnant. Now that I've met his mum I feel so heartbroken because she has no interest in hearing what I had to say. She kept saying ive got the wrong person then she walked off abruptly. I've been trying to contact this woman for 4 yrs now. Finally met her in public and she is acting strange. I always knew she doesn't get along with her son but shouldn't mean you reject your grandson. What should I do now
View related questions:
facebook, heartbroken Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2015): Stop chasing them. Protect your son. Find a lawyer and demand child support.
I am saying this not as a single mother or simply a woman, but as someone who grew up without a father, who, along with his family, never wanted to know anything about me.
The best thing my mom did was to bring me up on her own without any contact with my father or his family, once she understood that they had no interest in me (and she understood that straight away). I grew up surrounded with love and never was resentful to my biological father. That wouldn't have been the case if she tried to make him be apart of our lives.
Btw, the all knew I existed and not once expressed any interest in me; not even when my mum died when I was 19 and had no family left. That is the only time I called my bio. father out of curiosity, explained that I wanted nothing from him. He said he would call me back. Guess what. He didn't call. Surprised? I'm not.
My mother made the best decision. It was hard, but I was spared so many problems.
She could do it on her own financially. I got a very good education and started earbing very early.
If you are financially unstable get a lawyer asap and take your son's father to the court.
Hang in there!
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 November 2015):
 I too agree with YouWish
Think about your son. The last thing he needs is to be rejected by a useless piece of crap of a man.
Leave him and his family alone, they have nothing good to offer.
See a solicitor and file for child support/maintenance. Now he may not want to have part in his child's life and THAT is his choice, his loss... but he still help create a life and SHOULD help pay to raise him.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2015): If a random stranger approached me in a public place and introduced herself as my estranged son's baby mama then I would at the least be wary and suspicious of that person's motives.You need to start putting your son's interests first. He already has enough obstacles to overcome given the unfortunate circumstances of his conception so he doesn't need to be constantly reminded of his father's rejection or witness unpleasant confrontations with random strangers.You can't force your deadbeat absentee sperm donor to be a part of his child's life but you can fulfill your moral obligation as a mother by compelling him to fulfill his legal obligation as a father by providing financial support to the fullest extent of his ability to pay. His family is under no obligation to accept responsibility for their adult son, and while it's sad that they choose to punish an innocent child there's nothing you can do about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (25 November 2015):
 I agree with YouWish.
I'm assuming that this guy is not an ex boyfriend because if he were, you'd have met his family long before now. So your child is the result of a more casual sexual liaison, yes?
apple, you have got to stop stalking this guy and his family, particularly if he's continuing a tradition of abuse. He wants nothing to do with you and your son and badgering his relatives isn't going to change that. Don't expose your son to any more rejection.
Seek legal advice about getting child support and go through your lawyer. No more contacting him or his kin.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2015): I think you need to leave this family alone. You chose to have the child, now you must be the parent. Get a child support order from the court to get your financial due from the father, but stop harassing his family members.
They have expressed they do not want to be a part of your or your son's life, so abide by their decision. If they want to reach out someday, be gracious and let them, and maybe someday the dynamic will change between your son & his father's family. Until then, raise your son on your own & be proud of him. Make him into a better man than his father is being right now.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I do think you are out of line with these poor people who did not have any say in your decision to become a parent. They are not required by any means to help you if they don't want to.
Hope you can get thru this.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 November 2015):
 I think you need to start protecting your son better than you're doing right now. Here's the problem on two fronts:
1. Your son is 4 years old. Conversations with grandma about how his dad keeps rejecting him can scar him. He's listening at 4 and needs to hear how much he's loved, not how much he's rejected. He shouldn't have been WITH you when you met first with grandma. You should have met her, introduced yourself, and gauged her acceptance before exposing your son.
2. You said your son's dad abused you while you were pregnant?? You do realize that abuse often travels down family generations, right? You were with 1/2 (AT LEAST) of what made your ex an abuser. Do you really want to EXPOSE your son to an abusive and dysfunctional family line?? That's why you investigate and get to know someone well before exposing your child to them, whether it's direct abuse or emotional abuse, such as misogyny or lack of responsibility.
You need to go to court to get child support orders in place from the kid's father. Running around with your son in tow is not a good idea in any case, much less in the case where there's abuse happening and happened. You can't make or obligate or guilt someone into accepting the kid emotionally. The best you can do is avail yourself of the laws to hold him accountable financially.
You *must* walk away and shield your son from them. You CANNOT do any more of this sort of thing IN FRONT of him, especially as he gets older and these sorts of conversations, meetings, and emotional happenings affect him. You need to *be* your son's family now. If your parents, siblings, and very trusted and close friends are in his life and contribute love and nurture for him, that *must* be enough. You cannot create the idyllic from the unidyllic, and if this has anything to do with unresolved issues with your ex, that's all the more reason to get away from it and be your own closure.
No more of this with him or his family. Not if you love your son. If he grows up and reaches out to you and/or your son, then you'll have a different sort of decisions to make. But as for now, don't put your child in that sort of awful negativity again.
...............................
|
