A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey I have a question regarding custody. I am 18 years old and I have a five month old daughter. I have recently filed for child support and sole legal and physical custody which I already have because we were never married but I want it to stay that way. Now last year he was arrested for assault and battery on his mother and is currently on probation. This year I got a restraining order out on him and so didnt his mother. Currently he is sleeping on the coutch at a friends house. He lives off of SSI no liscence no GED hes a total scum bag. He never wants anything to do with my daughter except for when he begs for me back and I say no then hes like oh well then Im taking the baby away from you! he has seen her like five times in the last five months and refuses to pay support. One time we went out to walmart and he handed her to a total stranger!! I DO NOT want him around her and if he has to be then no more then supervised visitation.. I gave proof of most of the stuff to my lawyer. What do you guys think will happen? I really want him far away from her. I mean he hit his mother mentally and sexually abused me my daughter will deffinitly be next. Im so freaked out I cry all the time because Im afraid he will harm her in some way shape or form and I cant let that happen. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey everyone. Thank you for your responses so far. My court date isnt until March 20th but I will deffinitly let you all know how it went. To answer some of your questions... In the US If you dont pay child support you are still allowed to see your child but since we were not married I dont HAVE to do that but I did a few times but he was so bad with her that now I wont do it anymore. I only have a lawyer for myself but I figure with his records itll be okay and he has no money to get a lawyer for himself which he already said hes not getting one. Im not worried about him sexually abusing my duaghter Im worried about him abusing her physically and mentally... I mean first of all who hits their mother?! He also is always shoving his little 7 year old sister and alwyas putting his hands in her face tellin her to shut up and everytime hes around out daughter she NEVER smiles and he always tells her how hes gunna teach her to grow up and beat all the girls up Im like wtf is wrong with him its all about fighting. But the only thing I worry about is that I dont have proof of that so now way will the judge just take my word. As for the restraining order is just a no abuse which Im deffinitly getting changed because he comes her at like midnight bangin on my bedroom window lookin to start a fight. And lastly No I never reported anything about sexual abuse... around here its not recommended unless you strongly feel the need to because the few people who did report it got killed and he is crazy enough that it would prolly happen to me also. I also forgot to mention that he is on two medications... one is depression and one HE says is another depression med and my lawyer says no its a schitzophrenia med so Iunno what the heck it is.
A
female
reader, sue88  +, writes (24 February 2008):
Any child should remain with the most resonsible parent, unfortunately that doesnt always count, however with his past convictions and especially if you have reported him yourself for what he done to you, i doubt very much he will get any say in her life never mind full custody.
He probably says that he'll take your daughter because he knows you'll start to worry, Dont.
Even if he did get her he wouldn't have no way to support her, to live or to do anything needed by a parent. so there for he wouldn't be able to get her. the child goes with who can provide and look after them.
I wish you all the best, and really he wont get her, he wont have anything to help him. Please let me no how it turns out.
Sue
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): In the UK technically he would have equal oppourtunity for legal custody, however firstly he wouldn't have a leg to stand on with his previous conviction and secondly generally juries prefer a child to remain with their mother at least whilst they are young enough to have no say.
I think you will be just fine, its up to you whether you allow any access to your child once you have legal custody and if I were you I wouldnt. When your daughter is older however, it is only fair that you tell her unposioned facts about her father and give her the option to trace him if thats what she wants.
Im sure she will eventually see him for what he really is and make her own choices from there.
Please dont worry. As long as you are a mother that treats the child right and provides a warm and comfortable roof above her head, you will always have the upper hand where your child is concerned.
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (24 February 2008):
In Australia the fact that he is not paying child support would be grounds to not have any contact. Have you instigated any family law proceedings? I would strongly suggest supervised visitation and a family report be done. Is there a child rep involved? I would say given the fact there is a domestic violence order against him with you and his mother this would be grounds to file for at least sole custody. Is your daughter a named person on your order? Is there a no contact clause other than in writing for contact with your child or in accordance with a family law order? Did you have him charged with the sexual abuse of you? You need to remain calm in this tense situation and positively affirm your rights as a mother and do not contact him. If you have concerns then deny contact but state in writing to him eg Dear John I have left you because of the constant abuse towards me and our daughter. List dates events and times when your daughter has been present and the reasons why you need time out and state you are not taking your daughter away from him but that you fear for the safety of your child and that you need to protect her from his abuse. Have this letter sent via registered mail and keep a copy. This way if he tries to take you to court you have this written statement indicating your reasons for denying contact. The fact that he raped you does not necessarily mean he will rape your daughter as your daughter is a minor and it is a big step from raping a 18 year old to a child. Has he ever behaved inappropriately towards her in a sexual way? I would encourage you to teach your child protective behaviours and stress to her that she has the right to say no and that if someone hurts you or touches you in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable then TELL SOMEONE STRAIGHT AWAY.
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