A
female
age
30-35,
*elpme7
writes:So, last Saturday (9/25/10)I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt he wasn't fulfilling my sexual needs. He was my first love and we were together for three years. Because we have been together for so long, we are also best friends. Therefore we agreed to remain friends and after the break-up I still came over and would hang out with him and our mutual friends. The break-up hit me hard, I think because I was questioning whether I made the right decision. It hurt so much that it didn't feel like the right decision. I couldn't eat or sleep because I kept thinking that maybe our relationship wasn't quite finished. I surely didn't feel as if I could ever gain closure. So, yesterday (9/27), I asked him if he would take me back. He was reluctant because he thought I was just trying to trick him into changing by breaking up with him, but when he didn't want me back, I panicked and came crawling back to him. But that was not the case, since at the time of the break-up I actually thought what I was doing was the right thing for both of us, and then after the break up I felt so bad, I knew I wasn't ready for it to be over. We are unofficially back together now (we don't want to announce it to the whole world in case it still doesn't work out). We agreed to be more giving in the bedroom with each other. However, something he said has been bothering me. When I talked to him yesterday he made it seem like he was over me and ready to be single again. He said he planned on having sex with one or two girls this coming weekend. How could he get over me so quickly, when we have dated for so long? Was he just trying to put on a brave face so I wouldn't think I meant so much to him? Is having sex with other girls the method guys use to get over someone? If we weren't back together right now, I could see myself wallowing for a few months without being at all interested in guys or sex. Is it just that male and female biology is so different that we cope in different ways?I am uncertain of his love for me. Did he just get back with me because he needed someone to meet his sexual needs? I could tell he was unsure of his prowess to get with new girls. If he could seemingly get over me so quickly, is it his heart or his penis that made up his mind to take me back? Do guys in their early twenties even love a girl? Or do they just get in to long term relationships because it means there will be steady sex?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, helpme7 +, writes (30 September 2010):
helpme7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response Anon. Many of your answers to my questions were very enlightening. Just to clarifiy:
He is tongue tied, so he cannot go down on me without great difficulty. This would not have bothered me had he tried to make up for it by getting me off in other ways. But he never showed much interest. Or at least I thought it was a lack of interest.
However, we have since talked and he let me know that he was willing to do other things that would get me to come. All I have to do is ask. Apparently I was not verbal enough with what I wanted. That is why we got back together.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): I'm older, so I think I can answer some of this for you. But you have a lot of questions, and some require more information.
"I broke up with my boyfriend because I felt he wasn't fulfilling my sexual needs."
I assume you let him know this, or he figured it out somehow. Big issue, for both of you.
"We are also best friends."
This is good, after dating so long you should be, and hopefully the decisions and actions of both of you were truly made in the spirit of true friendship and love. If they weren't, then a lot of it just doesn't matter.
"I was questioning whether I made the right decision."
This is natural, and what someone should do when ending a LTR. Everybody does this when they end a relationship with someone that they love.
"I asked him if he would take me back."
You officially broke up with him for 2 days, then what happened with you and with him during those two days, that leads to such a rapid turn around? What are/were you afraid of?
"He was reluctant...."
Of course he was, he was made aware that he was sexually inadequate in your opinion. That is a huge issue for men. Usually, when the girl (or guy) comes back so quickly, she isn't saying "I was wrong, you actually are sexually adequate." she's actually saying "I don't have anyone else yet, I would rather have something that isn't so great until I can get something better than to have nothing at all, then we can end this when I've got something better." Which, BTW, is what a lot of people do, they find someone "better" and end their relationship and leave the other person empty handed while they have their hands full with the "new and better lover".
"I actually thought what I was doing was the right thing for both of us, and then after the break up I felt so bad, I knew I wasn't ready for it to be over."
Why? Why? Exactly why?
"He said he planned on having sex with one or two girls this coming weekend."
Yeah, he was told, in some manner, that he was a failure in the bedroom by his first true love. Time to find out what he doesn't know.
"How could he get over me so quickly, when we have dated for so long?"
He's not over you, far from that. He has been let know that he is sexually inadequate.
"Is having sex with other girls the method guys use to get over someone?"
No, guys do all sorts of things to get over someone. Particularly someone that they love. Just like women do. Really, we aren't all that different when it comes right down to it.
"If we weren't back together right now, I could see myself wallowing for a few months without being at all interested in guys or sex. Is it just that male and female biology is so different that we cope in different ways?"
Really, well, what if he broke it off with you and let you know that you were sexually inadequate...really...you just don't really know what you would do. Particularly if someone saw you at a meeting place, and let you know that they found you sexually attractive in no uncertain terms and they were attractive to you.
"Do guys in their early twenties even love a girl?"
Yes, some of us fall in love when we are young, and some of us get abandoned by our loves (I'm personally aware of what that is like and speak from experience).
"Or do they just get in to long term relationships because it means there will be steady sex?"
Yes, some of us do that as well...just as some women do.
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