A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone.This is a coworker relationship question. Nothing romantic. Just wasn't sure where to go to ask this as I like going here.I started this job about two months ago. It is a unique job. Without getting into too many details, I do a lot of accounting work / programming / administrative and more. I was not properly 'trained'.. as in they showed me once on how to do something and they left me on my own. It is a good job. It pays well and the scheduling is very flexible for my school. I enjoy it very much here and can't complain about it. My coworkers are all pretty nice and easy going.Unfortunately, this week my pet bird passed away in my hands.. this happened an hour before I had to go into work. I couldn't bring myself to miss a day (after just starting this job and I need the money) so I went in anyways and performed TERRIBLY. My bird has had cancer for the past month, but he declined very rapidly this week. He was really sick on Monday, Tuesday, and finally passed away Wednesday morning. All these days I had been extremely distracted on getting home as fast as I could to give him his pain medication and to be with him since I was worried he would pass without me there.I haven't told them but I feel like one of my coworkers (it's a very small office, I work with 3 other people) is very annoyed with me because she had to clean up after my mess. She needed x and y accounting things done by a certain date (not making excuses but I wasn't given a deadline on these things either) and it was extra work for her that I should have had done by this week. I wouldn't say I'm in trouble, but I do find her complaining more about things that I didn't do on things I wasn't trained to do. For example, not photocopying a check before deposit. This was never a step that I was told to do. I don't want to keep saying, "I wasn't aware of this, sorry, won't happen again." because it sounds like she's getting tired of it. We got along relatively well before this week.I feel terrible with the death of my pet and I feel bad that I performed so terribly this week. I feel like it's undone whatever good work I've done up to this point. I feel like I should apologize but I'm not sure how to even bring it up.. and then I also feel like I shouldn't say anything and just try to do better from now on and not make the same mistakes. Any input would be appreciated.
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female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (21 June 2018):
 Tell them you have lost your pet and appologize for not being at your best because of it. They won't be able to understand if they don't know what's going on with you. They don't know you well yet, so they can only judge on what they see at work. If you tell them then they will be able to understand more. Offer to help out or do some overtime, if work needs to be caught up with.
Sorry for your loss. Birds are beautiful x
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 June 2018):
 Maybe I am going to look stone-hearted, yet, like Code Warrior, I am not going to sugar coat things, since I know how it works in the corporate world, and, whether we like it or not, there's a logic in it.
Work is work and personal matters are personal matters. You get paid to go there and perform certain duties in an efficient , timely way - regardless of your mood. I.e., not just when everything is peachy and you feel content and do not have a care in the world. Also when you suffer setbacks and face problems, which are part and parcel of everybody's life. Boyfriends may give you heartache,... cars may get stolen.. pets may pass away. You are supposed to be mature enough to handle the curve balls that life will throw at you, like it will to your colleagues and everybody else, and still earn your salary by fulfilling the duties in your job description.
Of course, with a pinch of salt. Nobody will expect you to show up at work and overachieve, the day after you have been mugged at gun point, or left at the altar by a fugitive groom, or some other unusually shocking experience. All will expect , and approve of, you taking a couple of days off to get your bearings back. Now, I am not questioning the fact that the death of your bird was such a major shocking experience for you personally, to leave you unable to perform decently; because that's an individual thing , what gives you terrible pain may not affect me that badly, and viceversa. BUT , if you were so negatively affected , you SHOULD have called and taken the day off, and given yourself the time to absorb the shock. It's not fair for you to go there and make a mess ,just because you need the money. Guess what ? THEY need a job well done, and a colleague who is able to focus and to carry her share of the workload. More so ,insofar you are a newbie still trying to find her sea legs at work, and your boss and colleagues will still be making up their mind about you.
So,I would not get into details about the death of your bird etc. Your colleague might understand, rationally, that you feel upset ,- but not necessarily she will care; not because she is a bad evil person, but because she is not particularly supposed to care. I am not trying to dismiss the loss of your pet, I realize that it hit you hard. I am saying ,though, that it is more of an explanation that a justification.
Because ,for all you know, colleague A might be coming to work with her bowels tied in knots because she just found out that her brother does heavy drugs, and collegue B, likewise ,because she paid through the nose for IVF and it did not take, and colleague C too found out that her husband of 20 years is sexting teenage girls… etc.etc. Life, as wonderful as it is, is also full of bad surprises and if people took every problem in their life as an excuse for not working, or working poorly- all offices would be closed by now.
IF you know that you screwed up and it sits heavy on your stomach and conscience, you can talk to this woman and apologize, briefly and simply , without making a song and a dance about. Just say that you realize having let her down, you were going through some personal issues that affected your performance ; you know this is not a great excuse ( and ,sorry, I am afraid it's not; with,say, cancer patients undergoing chemio AND routinely going to work these days ) and it just won't happen again. Then take it from there and try your best to stay focused and meet your obligations and deadlines.
Staying focused also entails making pertinent questions, plenty of questions, when you don't know or aren't sure about how to do something ; and paying attention- observing. Noticing what's the drill when X thing happen, how your colleagues do Y thing; taking written notes if needs be- and remembering.
You may not have been given a lot of training, maybe it was not enough; then again I think that no company or office in the world has a handbook or printed guidelines to cover every possible minutiae of office life, -how exactly to Xerox what, when. There always will be dozens of things that one learns by doing; and of course by making mistakes, I think nobody in your office is really upset about it ; it's only two months you work there, you can't have learned yet everything A to Z. Of course you can lessen the chance of mistakes by staying focused, more connected to the job and less to your personal preoccupations. It's not always easy , but, alas, some self discipline is required at work ,AND in most occasions of life.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (16 June 2018):
 First of all, I am sorry for the loss of your pet. No matter what pet a person has, they love it, its a member of their family and it is hurtful when the pet passes. I lost my cat of 18 years to cancer 2 years ago and there are times when I still tear up thinking of her and missing her.
Please say something to your co-worker for picking up the slack. When you are new, most places don't expect you to be perfect, but they do want to know that you are trying and that you care. I don't think saying nothing is the right way to go. The other aunts/uncles have given excellent advice. Find a moment alone and just explain briefly what happened, I wouldn't go into details other than you suffered a loss in your family and you were grieving but you are ok and want to know how you can help. Most people are not so cold hearted that they can't relate and understand.
Again, sorry sweetie..it hurts..its one of the sad things of having pets..the odds are they are going to pass before us and we have to deal with their loss. The joy of a pet though is something that just can't be replaced. Good luck on the job..things will calm down just hang in there.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (15 June 2018):
 "Hi Mary, I'm sorry you had to take on the extra work on Wednesday; my pet passed away that morning, so my performance was off. What can I do to help out?" Then leave it.
For what it's worth, while we know birds can bond with us just as much as dogs/cats, not everyone does, so I wouldn't mention that your beloved pet was a bird unless asked.
I'm sorry for your loss. Make notes each time you do a new job, so you'll have a reminder, and stick to saying "thank you for showing me", "I'll do that now", "thank you for letting me know". Just do your best :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2018): [EDIT]:
Corrections:
"You are new at your job, and you were more than likely hired in urgency; because of a fast-paced work-environment."
"Sometimes we won't get the sympathy we may deserve from others."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 June 2018):
 Just apologize to the lady who had to do all the extra work.
Tell, her : "I'm sorry I didn't perform and you had to work extra hard, WHAT can I do to fix this?"
I wouldn't go into a deep explanation. It is what it is. Some people can hide this kind of grief, others can't. And there is NOTHING wrong with either.
I'm sorry you lost your pet. Cancer is awful. At least you were there to say goodbye and make your pet's last moments calm.
I would also suggest you start making a little work guide. Take notes, step 1 through XX on the various tasks, have someone look it over and see if you need to add things to it. That way you HAVE a guide you can follow and look at when in doubt.
Everyone makes mistakes, you are new. It happens. Just LEARN from whatever corrections you get and try not to repeat mistakes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2018): My dear, I am so very sorry for your loss. You sound like a very sensitive and loving person; and your pet meant a lot to you. Our pets love and depend on us, and they are at our mercy. You did all you could, but you know that nature goes full-cycle; and we have to allow what comes natural to occur.
You are new at your job, and you were more than likely hired in urgency; because of a face-paced work-environment. Replacing someone who left at an inconvenient and inopportune time for the business. Sometimes there just isn't time to hold your hand. You sink or swim. You are tested and trusted for your qualifications, experience, and ability to quickly catch-on and catch-up! The quicker, the better. Put your all into it! Make no excuses!
You are now learning that there are many deadlines and cutoff-dates; or times that particular tasks and reports must be completed and submitted. Everyone responds to grief and loss in their own way; however, we have many serious responsibilities in our lives. Sometimes wet won't get the sympathy we may deserve from others. Even if they know the details of what we may have suffered.
People don't know what's in your heart; or the depth of your sensitivities and pain. It's too much to expect that from people who have no emotional-attachment to you. In this particular situation, they don't know what happened. They probably wouldn't care, and might think it was silly. All they know is that you are making mistakes that can cause a ripple-effect, and throw-off numbers. They could miss important deadlines; or cause inaccuracies in accounting-figures. You have to balance at the end of a day, everyday!
Yes, my dear, that is something serious. Accounting-figures go to the top of management; and your accounting-manager reports these figures to the CFO. Then it goes even higher to the top executives; ultimately the CEO/company president. So your personal-issues are of little concern to those who need those figures; that have to be balanced, accurate, and fully accounted for at the end of a day. All figures require backup documentation. Co-workers should show a little more patience; knowing you're new, but people are people! Like they were always there and never was the new-guy! However, it depends on the frequency of your errors and how serious they are. Human-patience is limited, and sometimes nonexistent. As time and experience will teach you.
With more responsibility, comes higher demands and expectations.
Here's what you can do to try and recover a little respect and reliability, and set things straight. Ask the lady who had to cleanup after you for a moment of her time in-private. Apologize to her for the serious mistakes you made. Admit that you suffered a serious unexpected personal-setback prior to coming to work, and it was quite a shock.
Even if things aren't; tell her everything is under control.
DO NOT OFFER DETAILS! It's personal, and all she needs to know is that it may have affected your concentration and performance. You will be more careful, and recheck your work in the future.
Then ask her, if it's not too much trouble; if she will help you to make sure that you do everything you're supposed to do. Get a notebook and take notes. Keep a list of your daily tasks and procedures by your computer; until you perform each and every one of them with proficiency and accuracy. Ask her if she'd just take a quick look for accuracy and quality-assurance, just for a short-time. You didn't mean to make her job harder.
Then apologize to your supervisor. Just explain you had a an unexpected personal-emergency that caught you off-guard. You will be working very diligently to make sure your future-performance is outstanding; and you will do your best to be an asset to your team. Do not cry, show emotion, or behave in peculiar ways. This would reflect badly on you as a new-hire; who is no doubt, still in her work probationary-period.
Don't let the old veterans intimidate you. They fear and envy your youth. They also resent you for being new. You make them feel old. So a little overreaction to your mistakes is just for show. They were once in your shoes!
Learn to compose yourself under-pressure, or when hit with the unexpected. Your safety and well-being depends on it.
There will be plenty of time to allow your emotions to flow; and to deal with your grief in your personal-time. You have to check personal-matters at the door; if you go into your workplace. Unless it was the loss of a family-member, or a human loved-one; you can't expect a high level of empathy from people. Even less sympathy as things rise to the executive-level. They don't really care; but will put on a sympathetic-face for your sake. Sometimes they won't!
Take and keep notes when you are trained to do a task. Stick posted notes at your work-station; and make sure that you follow each and every step. From the posting of cash to deposit. Yes, you photocopy checks! You also keep a copy of the envelopes that reflect the postdate for the purpose of creating the effect-date of the payment. Accounting is the backbone of a business; and small mistakes can balloon into huge accounting-errors that can throw things off. You can't miss deadlines; because some will cause serious delays, resulting in penalties.
Believe in yourself. You can do this! It's just a setback! If you put your mind and back into it; you will recover and prove hiring you was the best decision! New-people make mistakes. Even those with big titles; who make six-figure salaries, and reign terror down on their staff. So don't beat yourself up, my dear.
You'll be okay!
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