A
male
age
30-35,
*ewtothis92
writes:Compared to some of the other situations I have read about on here this may sound trivial, but I feel the need to get an outsider's understanding on the situation.Recently I started hanging out with a new group of friends. One of my friends introduced me to them and I've been hanging out with them nearly each day for a couple of months now. I get on with them all amazingly well (they all live together and I just hang out there after university or on weekends etc), however I especially seem to have connected with one of the girls that lives there. We spend a lot of our time together and I feel that there might be something between us.In comes the problem, recently one of the other housemates (male), who I feel like I had also come to know pretty well asked to speak with me. He told me that he didn't know if anything was going on between myself and this girl, but that he liked her (he lives with her) and that if anything were to happen that it would devalue our friendship. He also said that he doesn't want it to be the case, but he feels that if things continue as they are, he would find himself making two faced remarks about me (he said that to me during his confrontation whilst everyone else had gone to sleep).I told him that I was pretty upset by these remarks and that by saying that if anything were to happen you would see our friendship as devalued, kind of devalues our friendship anyway.The last relationship I had been ended badly, I was cheated on and I have had trust issues since with girls. However this girl has really helped me get through some of these issues and whilst I don't feel that I'm fully ready to commit to anything at the moment, she is definitely helping me along the way. I told my friend that nothing was happening, but I did also explain that I liked her but he shouldn't worry because I'm not in the right frame of mind for anything at the moment.I am worried that if anything does happen between me and this girl that 1. he will try and manipulate the situation by being two faced about me and 2. that I will lose someone who recently I had thought to be a good friend, it would not be like I could avoid him as he lives with her.Now I tend to be the guy that always puts his friends before him, but this time if there is a situation where me and this girl can be happily together (be it in a few weeks or months) I will go for it, she is pretty much perfect in my eyes and I can't place one negative quality with her. We've also got a whole load in common. I have already noticed some evil glances from him when I am sat next to her speaking to her alone and to be honest I hate drama. I really could do without this situation, but I don't want to put anything that me and this girl have in jeopardy for him to keep his crush that he can't even act upon as he lives with the girl. I also know for a fact (through her) that she has no sexual interest in him.I'm also not 100% that he even likes her, I feel that it could be infatuation instead considering whilst liking her he has also tried to arrange several dates with other girls and always complains about how he is sexually frustrated for not having been laid in a while.I hope this is enough information, I am struggling to think of what to do. She has gone back home over the christmas holidays and he is at the house. I've made an attempt to still go and hang out there with him and the others, but he seems to have such a short straw with me now and apart from her showing more interest in me there is nothing that I have done to have earned this treatment. I even tried to help him with what to do when he first told me that he liked her and his main concern was not her, but the way she is with me.
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christmas, crush, sexually frustrated, university Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Guruburu  +, writes (22 December 2012):
Sounds like he's mad because he's had all this time to make his move, but didn't, and now you've come along and are hitting it off with his love interest. That's a shame, but that's his problem, not yours.. Don't live your live waiting for others while they wait until they figure out what they want.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 December 2012):
 i guess it depends on if the girl is interested in you or not...
see this is why I think that roommates/flatmates should always be same sex... it just gets too complicated.
this guy is not a friend... he warned you off a girl he likes without her actually being his gf right?
it's not like he's been a long time friend either...
nor is she his GF....
I think in this case the young lady is fair game and she is the one to decide who she would date if she even feels that way about either of you.
if she feels that way towards you and not him then no matter what he wants it's not going to happen...
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