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male
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anonymous
writes: I'll try keep this brief, I'm so so confused. Please help again.I'm trying to be strong thru my surprise breakup, and it was 3weeks ago. My ex said that he didn't want to be with anyone else and that he needed to sort out where his life was going with his priorities, about work, home, relationships, and that he has become older, and needs to think about what he wants etc, so he dumped me saying he can't be with me anymore and that he wants to be with a woman, but I'll always be his first and only great love, and that he won't be looking or even considering getting into a relationship with anyone else, but can't promise that it won't happen.I want to find out if he already found someone. I've not been in contact with him for several days, but I'm getting curious to know if he has moved on or has been seeing someone, cause since I'm already heartbroken I want the pain of knowing he is with someone else now then find out later, because we were planning on getting married and this has crushed me. I just want him to know how much I hate him. Should I find out, or keep still, but my problem is, it's eating me up.Last year he needed space to re-evaluate his life, and I was put on hold, and during this time he met a guy went out for drinks and one night this guy held him, and my ex pushed him away saying that he was not ME, and pushed him away.What am I missing, and now he says he must be true to himself when he said the same things last year but this time he says he wants to be with a woman.Now he says he's bi, and wants to be with a woman but likes f***king men. I asked if I was just a phase, and he said I will always be his first and only great love, and I'll always be his angel, and he loves me more than I'll ever know, but he can't be with me and its for the best?What does that mean?He said that as he gets older he comes to realise and grow up, and he has to think about what he wants, but how many times must he re evaluate his life, he is 26, and I'm 23, and I'm lost, trying to be strong holding on to hopes that he'll come back saying he wants me, but if he comes back when will his mind change again.He wasn't afraid of telling people about us, in fact last year he told some of his close friends that he was gay. But now he is bi, and now straight, and in between this all I'm in the middle, having my feelings tossed and turned.He even told people about me, and that I was his dream come true, and his soulmate, but someway somehow that just changed and he changed his preference after 3 years of discussing marriage and even possibly adoption with me.He wasn't afraid of his family as they'd be supportive, but how did he just change?Please I need some help, I'm in so much pain.Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2006): gosh that was breif lol. It really sounds like hes messing you around, a lot. i think you should stop talking to him and ignor him, it'll be hard and upsetting but good for you. eventually he'll come crawling back(not definate) and you shouldnt take him back because it'll show him that your very vunrable and a bit stupid if you do he'll just start to take the pee. get over him you will find some one MUCH better!!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2006): I had a similar thing happen to me about 10 years ago. What broke us up, and made us lose our mind-bogglingly great friendship, was religion. We both shared the same faith in Jesus when we met, but I left the faith because of several issues with the religion including Christianity's stance on gay civil rights.
His family would have accepted us as a couple, they said as much. He adamantly told them, "No, we're just best friends." We lived together, went on vacations and trips together, and did pretty much everything together for a couple years.
Things were going really great in our relationship and had progressed to a more sexual level, he told me he wanted me to move out, asked for the house key back immediately, and said he was going to start dating women because that's what God wanted for him. He also said that my lack of belief in Jesus bothered him. He stopped answering the phone when I'd call.
We tried to talk things out but got into an argument about the nature of our relationship. He said it was a friendship that had been perverted. I said it was obviously more and couldn't understand why he wanted things to end between us since it had been so great for both of us. I was devastated. He is still married to the woman he met while we still talked.
Sorry about your loss, but the sooner you move on, the better.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (9 June 2006):
 I agree with David above, this guy definitely needs some time and space to think about things.
It sounds like he is very confused and doesn't know what he wants.
I would leave him be for a while and try and get on with things in your life. You have to face the reality that things have changed permanantly and think about your future.
I would let him know that you are thinking of him and are there for him but leave the ball in his court.
You don't want to apply any force to him to come back to you otherwise it could just end in disaster.
I would leave him be for the meantime. It sounds like he has some serious thinking to do about his life.
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A
male
reader, David Lewis  +, writes (9 June 2006):
 I think you need to just try to get on with your life.
I understand why you want to hurt him, but the best way is to get on with things.
It will hurt him if he thinks that you are not bothered about the break up.
Sometimes people just seem to change their ways, but he could be in denial about his sexuality.
Just leave him be, give him the space needed and if you are soul mates, things will work themselves out.
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