A
female
age
51-59,
*onfused-one
writes:Hi there... just went into "just friends" mode with a boyfriend of 3 months. We are both very well suited for one another, but a degree of awkwardness always remained. We were exclusive to one another, but he was only able/willing to get together for a few hours a week. There was a bit of a drive between us, he is a part time dad and was involved in sporting outlets. I nicely and consistently hinted and recently pressed for the need for more time with him, which resulted in the "just friends" outcome. We both agree that the awkwardness should have subsided more by now. I think my inordinate flexibility and his limited submersion into the relationship, caused and maintained the awkawrdness. I know we both continue to care for one another. We are both very moral people and have told each other than we both still care for one another. While I thought I could readily pick up and look eslewhere, now that it's here I realize the connection I have to him. Has anyone else ever experienced ongoing awakwardness like this. Possibly we should have agreed to just take a break rather than start seeing other people. Any comments on this or other interpretations would be appreciated.
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female
reader, confused-one +, writes (15 August 2009):
confused-one is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust a big thanks you to "hijacked dignity" for take the time and obvious thought to reflect on my siutation. It helped greatly and confirmed what I've been telling myself to. Thanks again
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (11 August 2009):
 This is normal for any couple that might have broke things off before the situation was settled and truly ended. The relationship was ended rather abruptly, though it was for a good reason none the less. I have three points to address here.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. You are suddenly able to see things that you couldn't before. Like how good you were for each other or something about how excellent the 'connection' was between you. If the connection was so good, you would have seen that while you were in the relationship instead of after. This friendship thing isn't exactly the best for you to get over your ex. The way to get over someone is to stop seeing them and start focusing on other aspects in your life. If you are frequently in contact with him, you start making up reasons and excuses as to why you two should be together.
There is a big jump to being exclusive to being 'just friends'. You two were together. Now you both can see whoever you want and still have that comfort of going back to each other if anything bad happens. That's a big adjustment. Not to mention it is really hard to cope because the relationship didn't exactly end with everything settled. You ended it on a slight argument, not exactly in peace. So of course there is going to be that lingering 'what if?'.
He won't change for you, even if you get back together. If you do somehow convince yourself that things will work out and you keep attempting to get him back, you have to know that he will never change for you. Things will be exactly the way they were before, which made you not happy. So is it really worth dwelling on that potential 'connection'?
My best advice to you is that you stop being 'friends' and start hanging out with your real friends. Start having fun again and get this guy out of your life. You don't have to be mean about it, just explain the situation and say that you don't think you two should be hanging out anymore. You'll be a lot better off, and it'll be a lot easier getting over this guy. Just a suggestion. Good luck!
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