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The 60 year old professor doesn't know me. Advice, please? Should I tell him my feelings for him?

Tagged as: Age differences, Crushes, Gay relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 June 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 19 June 2017)
A male United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

hello guys,

I have a crush on my professor, he is 60 years old, it been more than 2 years, I don't know what to do.

I'm always thinking of him.

He is so smart and handsome, I like his personality and smile.

I feel I need to know him,and talk to him as friend.

He doesn't know me personally, he was a lecturer giving a lecture every week, but I got attracted to him, even I dreaming about him.

It really hurt me I don't know what to do, just I want to know him.

I am really lost.

In next days i am sitting an exam.

I think it's going to be the last time I am going to see him, it will be the final year for me, after that am leaving the city.

I am wondering if I should tell him about my feelings.

I really wanted him to know or I'm going to regret it forever.

If you having some advice please help what I should do?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (19 June 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHonestly the kindest thing for you to do for yourself is to leave and not say anything to him. You will get over your crush when you don't have to see him any more. Plus he doesn't even know who you are, do you even know if he is available?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2017):

I really don't see what necessity there is in telling him your feelings. Especially if he doesn't feel the same, or care.

It's okay to compliment him in a general way, or even extend your gratitude for the inspiration he has given you.

You are in your early twenties and you're so caught-up in infatuation, you've lost all perspective. It would be inappropriate, if not disturbing, to be approached by a student confessing feelings that amount to a schoolboy crush. The scenario would be quite shocking to the professor, to say the least.

I think you should remain dignified and respectful. Keep it all to yourself. Exposing your feelings would more likely embarrass you. I'm not sure what fantasy you've devised for the outcome; but consider the possibility that your news may unsettle your professor more than anything else. He may be uncertain of your mental-stability. Such a bold move might upset him. Especially if he is a straight married-man!

You would place him in an awkward position of having to correct or even admonish you. That would also include his rejection.

Cherish the memory, take a selfie together, and offer to keep in-touch. He has opened doors to your future, and has given you wings.

Please let it remain in that context. I must confess I find it quite adorable.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom +, writes (8 June 2017):

N91 agony auntI think it's a terrible idea personally:

He's over double your age

Is he even gay?

Does he have a family?

He is in a professional position where any kind of romantic dealings would probably result in disciplinary action

What would telling him actually achieve? Would more than likely freak him out.

Just put it to the back of your mind. Concentrate on your exam and get over this crush when you leave the city.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (8 June 2017):

Honeypie agony auntIt sounds like infatuation, OP - not love.

How well do you even know this guy? Is he married? Does he have a family?

And WHAT do you think would come of telling him?

And what is he supposed to do with that knowledge? You are leaving anyways - so really what's the point?

Having a crush on a teacher/professor is quite common. Doesn't mean anything will come of it or that you NEED to tell him. Honestly? I wouldn't. It's an ONE sided infatuation.

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom +, writes (8 June 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntOP, you can't know your own feelings because you don't know him and he doesn't know you.

What would you tell him? "I have a crush on you"? He's your lecturer, which means he's out of bounds. He's probably married or otherwise unavailable. You're leaving town, so nothing could happen. It would be embarrassing because he doesn't know you and you don't know him.

I'd strongly advise focusing on your exams and not saying anything to him. You'll move on soon and be grateful you kept it to yourself.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom +, writes (8 June 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntI think "telling him your feelings" would probably be a bit over the top and scary for him. After all, you don't really know anything about him and he certainly knows nothing about you.

There is nothing to stop you speaking to him and thanking him for his input into your education and telling him how interesting you found his lectures. All teachers value feedback and I am sure he will be delighted to hear he has had a positive affect on you. You could even, if it is appropriate, ask him for advice about your future.

You have your whole life ahead of you. Get out there and enjoy it. Good luck in your exam.

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