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female
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anonymous
writes: My husband wouldn't touch me after I had our son. So, after trying everything I could think of, I agreed to his request of a threesome with another man. Now I am completely destroyed. What was I thinking? That is not a choice I would have ever made on my own...and I guess I was so desperate to try to re-connect with my husband....I thought I could handle it. Now..even though he says he is completely fine with it and even enjoyed it...I hate everything about it..and me. It's been a year now...and I can't bring myself to even consider being interested in him sexually anymore. I am a real mess. I feel like something has been broken..and I have no idea what it is..or how to fix it. I just want my marriage to go back to the way it was!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2006): I don't agree with the person who said your husband saw you cheat. You can't be cheating if he was there with you and actively encourage it, cheating would mean going behind his back to do it and you didn't do that. So, don't give yourself anymore guilty feelings. I can understand that you thought that if this is what he wanted and you went along with it that it would open the door to a sex life with him again. It's ok for others to say you're being prudish but you are what you are and your feelings are important. You definitely need to go as a couple to speak to a counsellor so that you can both understand the way the other person feels. You say he couldn't touch you once the baby was born, this is, i believe a common feeling amongst men. Maybe by seeing another man with you, it made him feel thatit was ok to touch you after the baby. Strange I know but the human mind is complex so I think I could believe anything about it. As for you in all of this, you just wanted to return back to the normal sex life with your husband. It didn't work out the way you thought it would. We're all entitled to one mistake so learn from it and get the help you both need.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2006): DM is there any need to be so rude and impose YOUR views? This is about offering advice, not calling people names like prude!!
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (12 February 2006):
 This is a case of trying to get over the past. I am not being flippant when I tell you that this is the past and unfortunately we cannot change the past.
Obviously your husband is very uneffected by this, but by the sound of things this is inside your head and it is eating away at you and eroding your love and your confidence in your realtionship.
I can only suggest that you and your husband talk and cover the topic in great detail. I do strongly suggest that you get professional help, such as psycho-sexual counselling to help you work thru your problems. I don't think the two of you can do this on your own.
Remember your hubby may say this isn't a problem, because from his viewpoint it isn't a problem for HIM! But it is for you and he needs to face up to that.
Do it, go to counselling and let them help you work thru your issues and try to help you save your relationship, dont worry about telling them about this either. They have heard this sort of thing so many times before it wont shock them, honestly!!
I hope that you work things out.
Good luck and my thoughts are with you.
xxx
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A
male
reader, DM +, writes (12 February 2006):
honorstly .... I chocked to see some of the bad advice in this groupe.
Like "schlottjl" "I cannot imagine any straight man that I know ever wanting to have a 3-some when two guys are involved"
That is actually not very uncommon and I think you are very prudish.
Look at all the swingersclub there excists.
Do you think they are gayclubs ?
Get a life and open your eyes.
Im sorry the person who asked this question got hurt.
That was premature for you, but put it behind you and move on.
Tell your husband you had no joy from it and never again. Its not that difficult.
Im sure he dident mean to hurt you.
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A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (10 July 2005):
 Have you said that last part directly to him? Something seems off in your explanation history. You say that you wanted to reconnect with your husband so you agreed to invite another MAN into your relationship. That is the opposite of reconnecting with him as you are connecting with another man. Is your husband gay? I cannot imagine any straight man that I know ever wanting to have a 3-some when two guys are involved. If he suggested it, he is either sexually deviant (i.e.. sex and love addict), or he was purposefully trying to hurt the relationship since it introduces too much risk, comparisons, jealousy etc.
To rebuild the marriage, you have to deal with this straight on. It is the only way. He watched you cheat. That is something he will not forget. But at least there is no one to blame since you both made the choice to mess it up.
You need to get into therapy. ( Start with you, the person you can change!). a counselor (marriage therapist) can help you to peel back the under lying issues that are blocking you as a couple.
You have an opportunity here to build a huge amount of trust, because if you two work this out together and are willing to face your issues separately and together, and if you do so successfully, you will have proved to each other that you can be counted on to stick it out no matter what. That is the next level in a relationship. Of course you won’t do this again- right? You can now decide against allowing others to come between you. Don't waste this chance! Sometimes the best of life can be wrung from horrible mistakes. But that depends on your choice. Love is a choice not an emotion that happens to you. It is a verb, not an adjective. Do love and the emotion that most confuse to be love, will appear.
Good Luck -be willing to be uncomfortable as you improve yourself. Finally being willing to face our demons usually does not happen until we blow it and become unhappy enough to face them. Just don’t worry, we all have them, but only the people you admire actually face them fearlessly. It must be done for the happiness to flow into your life.
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reader, becky05 +, writes (10 July 2005):
Youll have to put the threesome behind you or your marriage will continue to suffer. make time for you and your husband to spend time alone together, if you feel comfortable, tell him how you feel. Try to rebuild your marriage. Consider counselling, this could help you work through things in your mind and help you move on.
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