A
female
age
41-50,
*herrypop
writes:Yesterday when my friend and I were having sex, he got a text message. We stopped. He answered it. He got another one. We stopped. He answered it. He got another one while I was giving him head. I stopped. He got it, and was answering it, and looked at me and told me to keep going. I didn't know what to do. They stopped after that. My girlfriend said she would have got dressed and left. However, he has teenage kids he has to keep up with, so I figured it was one of them. But I still feel I need to address this. How do I address this without sounding like a nagging bitch?
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female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (7 April 2009):
 I guess this is what people mean by there is no such thing as FWB. If like you said, it is just about sex, then the only rule there is is simply sex. No thinking, no emotions, no analysis, no feelings.
So perhaps you have actually developed feelings for him, hence you feel disrespected by his texting while sexing. If that is the case, then maybe you should tell him that you would like to take this to the next level, i.e. putting a "label" to the "relationship', i.e. boyfriend-girlfriend.
However, if he declines, then it is back again to you.Do you want it to be just about sex, or do you want more? As for rules, there are some common ones but many couples do, but there may be some unique ones that only you and your partner would agree to that are different from others. Having said that, there are fundamental rules that should not ever be broken: human rights. Respect, cared, loved, protected. Any of the opposites is bad news.
A
female
reader, cherrypop +, writes (7 April 2009):
cherrypop is verified as being by the original poster of the question I understand that he and I are not in a relationship--it's just sex. But does that mean anything goes? Does it mean I don't have the right to get bothered by stuff like this? Because that's how it seems. It's like from his point of view, it's just sex, nothing more, so it doesn't matter. I mean what are the rules? Is there a "sex buddy" etiquitte? He looks at is as have sex, leave, see u later-simple as that. He has no desire to get into details. I'm new to this so I don't know. That's the thing. I feel sometimes because I "don't know" and haven't experienced anything beyond him, he uses that to his advantage. He always say I'm "Thinking too hard" or "Thinking too much" or "over thinking." He told me one time I was "very emotional." Sometimes I think maybe I am. I try to concentrate on enjoying the sex, but certain things he does, like this, makes me wonder...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): i'm sorry but 'stop over thinking' is rude & you should ignore him or say 'stop dis-respecting my feelings'.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): Well thats very hard to answer I would have probably have stopped, got dressed and tell him that maybe when he wasn't so busy that we could try again.
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A
female
reader, cherrypop +, writes (6 April 2009):
cherrypop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh yes, he's deifinitely getting ignored for a while. I'm not putting up with that. He sees nothing wrong with what he did.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 April 2009):
This isn't over thinking. This is you being upset by something. Plain and simple.
Don't text him back. Don't talk to him for a while and let him know that you are not going to stay with a man who upsets you and then won't make it up to you.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (6 April 2009):
I am more inclined to say "get even" by getting up, get dressed, and do something without him yet you are in the same room as he is. Like, work on something in your laptop, or read a book, or simply watch a movie.
However, I was in a relationship with such comfortable feelings with each other, that both of us had to have our phones open 24/7 due to quick decisions that had to be made in emergency [organizationally/logistically, not life or death] situations Sometimes it was a challenge in a stressful way, but there were times when it was a challenge in a very hilarious way.
But your situation is different of course. If it is not an urgent matter, he should have his phone off at least while you are having sex.
Walking away from a relationship should not only because of texting while sexing, unless for you it was the tip of the iceberg of course.
Cat
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A
female
reader, cherrypop +, writes (6 April 2009):
cherrypop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm at work so I sent him a text message.
his reply: "Stop over thinking"
any thoughts?
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 April 2009):
Well you don't have to dump him, just let him know in no uncertain terms that if he wants his penis to remain attached to the rest of them then he will NEVER disrespect you in that way again.
Just start the conversation in a calm voice saying "You really upset me when you stopped having sex with me to answer your phone."
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, cherrypop +, writes (6 April 2009):
cherrypop is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk I'm gonna address it...I feel dumb now because I didn't get dressed and leave.Should I take this as a sign that he's losing interest in me? If so, I'd be more than happy to leave. I've tried to leave twice already and he keeps texting and calling. If he don't want it all he have to do is say so.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (6 April 2009):
Next time he wants to have sex with you just tell him to turn his phone off, it's only an hour for god's sake.
Personally I agree with your girlfriend.
I would have walked out the minute he stopped having sex to answer his first message.
I don't care how many kids he has, when he's having sex he should be focused on you!
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, Mr.Mo Rality +, writes (6 April 2009):
Dear texting while sexing,This is an issue that needs addressing, but I think you can address it with out having to talk much. It seems your sex life is becoming predictable to the point of boredom, if it were not so he wouldn't answer his cell in the middle of it. I am going to suggest some role play activity. Look some up on the internet. Also, try some new erotic positions, those too are very easy to find on the internet. I can't believe I am going to say this but to cure his apparent boredom, less talk, more NEW sexSincerely,Mr. Mo Rality
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): Well if your only friends I wouldn't worry about it cause their aren't any feelings involved. I would simply say during sex can't that person wait till were done. As for giving him head and he told u to keep going, I would have gotten up and left.
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